Answer
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
In this fatwa:
It is Islamically permissible for a woman to make it known that she is seeking marriage, provided it is done in a dignified and halal manner. Dr. Yasir Qadhi suggests utilizing word-of-mouth through married friends and trusted intermediaries as the most effective and safest methods.
In response to this question, Dr. Yasir Qadhi — the Dean of The Islamic Seminary of America and the resident scholar at the East Plano Islamic Center — states:
The Hadith of Subay`ah: Eligibility After Pregnancy
This is an awkward question. Now let me tell you a Hadith in Al-Bukhari and Muslim; this is from the source book of Islam. In the time of the Prophet (peace be upon him), Subay`ah Al-Aslamiyyah was married to Sa`d ibn Khawlah, and he passed away while she was pregnant. Within a few weeks, she gave birth.
If a pregnant lady’s husband passes away, there’s a clash between the four months and ten days `Iddah and the pregnancy. Which of the two will her `Iddah finish by? This is the Hadith that tells us that the earlier of the two finishes the `Iddah. So she gave birth before the four months and ten days. She gave birth one month after he died. She was still young and wanted to get married again.
Signaling Marriage Availability in Halal Ways
So what did she do? This Hadith is in Al-Bukhari and Muslim. She beautified herself and she put on henna. Now pause here: women in Medina at the time of the Prophet (peace be upon him) and in the Arab culture at the time—ladies who wanted to get married would have a decoration that indicates they’re single. Like in Western culture, the purpose of the ring or not having the ring, there is a wisdom that exists: how are eligible bachelorettes going to tell people that they are interested in marriage?
So she beautified herself. By beautification, it doesn’t mean makeup and whatnot; just basically there are ways that are halal, like the henna and other things of this nature. She was dressed like this when her brother-in-law came to visit, and he became angry. He said, “You haven’t even waited four months and ten days, and you’re going to marry after my brother died? I am not going to allow you to do this.”
She says—and the Hadith is in Al-Bukhari and Muslim—”I wore my Hijab, my burqa, whatever, and I went to the Prophet (peace be upon him) immediately and I said, ‘Ya Rasulullah, such and such happened. I gave birth, I want to get married, and my brother-in-law came and said I cannot get married. What can I do now?'” And so the Prophet ((peace be upon him)) allowed her to get married whenever she wanted to do so. He saw her with the henna; he knows that she’s basically in a halal manner sending the message that she’s available.
Finding a Spouse Without Family Support in the West
This Hadith is in Al-Bukhari and Muslim, a famous incident of the Sirah. From this, all the Madhabs have derived that when a lady is pregnant and her husband dies, her `Iddah finishes when the pregnancy ends. But I’m going to derive another point: we have this culture of thinking there should be no advertisement. Now you tell me, this sister emailed me and she has no family in America. How is she going to get married in an Islamic environment? What is she going to do?
Best Practices for Using Marriage Websites and Intermediaries
She has to put herself out on those websites that are so many times not the best people. The marriage websites and whatnot, they’re not always the best people out there. But what I advise the sister is: Du`a to Allah obviously, and then spread the word to friends. Word of mouth is the best.
The websites that are there, we all know, a lot of times you don’t have the best people. But if you can find a Wali, if you can find an older uncle—even if they’re overseas—who will monitor the incoming emails and sift through them. When you have a man that acts as an intermediary, it brings a lot of betterment in this regard.
But in the end of the day, it’s not strictly necessary to do that. To what level can she dress up and whatnot? Because this is where the awkwardness comes. In a dignified manner, people are allowed to know that you’re looking for a husband, yes. And this is from Islamic `urf (custom). I mean, that’s how the world works. How else do you expect this to happen?
So yes, you can do so, and you can advertise on the Islamic Nikah websites. Most importantly, spread the word amongst the sisters that are married, so that if their husbands have friends and whatnot, they can help. This is the best way to do so.
Read more:
- Can You Seek Marriage through Social Media?
- Can I Reject Marriage Proposal for Location Reasons?
- Should I Accept Marriage Proposal from a Bank Employee?
- Can Parents Reject Marriage Proposal for Ethnic Reasons?
- Can I Reject Marriage Proposal from Religious Person?
- Marriage Proposal at the Haram: Valid?
- What to Do About No Marriage Proposal?
Almighty Allah knows best.
Source: Dr. Yasir Qadhi Youtube Channel