My brain tortures me by creating scenarios that are so hyper-realistic it shocks me that my mind could even produce them. It is usually a woman (a mother and wife)who makes a mistake, like speeding, causes a fatal accident, and then loses everything: her freedom, dignity, family, and life as she knew it.
My mind goes into extreme detail about her emotions immediately after the accident; her panic, her horror, her yearning to just go back home and sleep in her own bed with her family peacefully. Simple things we take for granted.
There are brief moments when my brain realizes how irrational it is to feel such pain over imagination, but those moments are fleeting. The image of sheer panic and knowing what is inevitable completely crushes my heart. It's an unbearble pain. I wish for anything else but not this.
All I am left doing is begging Allah that if anyone were ever to be in such a situation, let the laws of physics be defied, but let them not be responsible for another person’s death or harm. But praying once does not stop it, it keeps coming back.
It feels as if Allah will not accept my prayer and that this fate will still happen, when I desperately ask for His Mercy and Protection to intervene every single time and melt people's heart towards the right way through that.
I do not wish that this happens to anyone, especially a Muslim woman. May God protect us all. This fear connects with every other individual fear I have had: humiliation, prison, courts, losing independence, losing freedom, financial ruin, losing my parents’ property, and my education going in vain.
It has become so severe that if Allah promised me I would never face legal issues or jail in my life, I would accept anything else. I pray that Allah protects everyone from such a reality/trial/punishment regardless of their deeds.
It has become so bad that my brain feels convinced this is my fate. I look at other people’s lives regretfully, as if I have already lost my freedom or am guaranteed to lose it one day. I used to be very optimistic and hopeful, but now I feel hopeless and depressed.
Even when I think of alternatives, like using Uber for life, my mind jumps to worst-case scenarios: what if the lack of practice causes something terrible? Because these fears are so vivid and long-lasting, they feel like warnings or predictions. At times, I fear that thinking about them so much will make them come true. It just takes one mistake after all. One decision to speed, not knowing what the speed limit actually is, once driving while you haven't slept well, once guessing that a road is empty and you are scared and want to go home quickly. I know it is so silly to feel so much over something I have just imagined in my head, but it is so realistic and the fact that it could happen to me or anyone I emotionally relate to makes breathing so difficult. I genuinely pray that everyone is able to come back to their homes and families every day without the risk or fear of legal stress or jail.
I do not know what to do. I have always had an imaginative mind meant for storytelling, and those stories were once hopeful and full of Allah’s mercy. I used to pray that my imaginations would come true.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
- Engaging repeatedly in worst-case scenarios will not bring you relief. There is a conscious decision you can make to redirect your thoughts away from these negative images.
- Seek support from a counselor. If you notice that certain habits are harmful, it is important to gradually reduce them and replace them with healthier ones.
Assalamu alaikum sister,
Thank you for your letter. You explained that you are deeply engaged in intrusive fantasies fueled by fear and anxiety, mainly centered around the idea of harming someone and eventually losing everything. You imagine these scenarios in great detail, and this causes you intense worry and panic, affecting your daily life and peace of mind.
My sister, when we talk about anxiety, we are essentially talking about fear. Universally, there are core fears that are very common across the world. One of these core fears is the fear of loss.
As you know from the Qur’an, Allah tells us that we will surely be tested with fear, loss of wealth, and loss of lives, and so forth.
And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger, and loss of wealth, lives, and fruits. But give glad tidings to the patient —
those who, when calamity strikes them, say: ‘Indeed, we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return.’”
(Qur’an 2:155–156)
Alhamdulillah, the Qur’an also provides the answer and the cure in the very next ayah, where Allah gives glad tidings to those who are patient and able to endure these tests.
Loss or fear of loss?
However, what the Qur’an refers to is real loss, whereas what you are describing is a perceived or imagined loss. It is the fear of loss, not the loss itself.
From what you shared, it seems that you tend to imagine the worst-case scenario in different situations. Imagining the worst can naturally trigger fear in all of us.
This is a common cognitive distortion, where the mind immediately jumps to the most extreme outcome, while the reality is that there are multiple possible ones. These perceived fears can strongly affect both the mind and the body. Even though they are not real at the present moment, they can feel very real, just as you said.
Yes, it is possible for someone to unintentionally harm another person. But it is only one possibility among many. Moreover, for harm to be considered a crime or to have legal consequences, it must be linked to intentionality. You clearly stated that you do not want to harm anyone.
So what can you do?
Engaging repeatedly in worst-case scenarios will not bring you relief. There is a conscious decision you can make to redirect your thoughts away from these negative images and instead focus on what is actually happening in your life.
It would be helpful to reflect on what might be making you feel less able to control these emotions.
It is interesting that your fears are centered around being imprisoned or facing charges and trial. I am not sure where these thoughts are coming from. Do you remember anything concrete that might have triggered this kind of imagination?
You mentioned that before this you had fears related to disappointing your parents or concerns about your career. I wonder whether these fears are connected to another deeper fear of making mistakes, and as a result, an excessive need to control everything — even things that are beyond your control. Some of what you described is clearly beyond your control.
Check your habits
Has anything specific happened to you recently? Or have you seen something online or in the news that has affected you? Screen time, especially continuous exposure to violent or harmful content, can negatively impact our mental state if it is not processed properly. Islamophobic rhetoric or hateful comments can also fuel these fears.
Try to stay away from these types of content.
It would also be important to reflect on your sleep, physical activity, daily routine, friendships, and support system. How do you engage your mind during the day? Is there anything you can do to balance these fears with positive, optimistic emotions? If you notice that certain habits are harmful, it is important to gradually reduce them and replace them with healthier ones that help calm your mind.
Seek support
You may also consider seeking support from a counselor if you feel unable to manage this on your own. Additionally, reaching out to trusted friends, family members, or your parents and talking openly about your situation can be very helpful. If you believe there is a specific event or cause that triggered these fears, it is a good idea to discuss it with someone you trust.
Allah is in control, sister. He decides what He decrees — whether it is an accident, a car crash, or even imprisonment. These things can happen for a good reason, even when apparently not, when a person is not guilty for ex.
Remember the story of Prophet Yusuf (peace be upon him), who was imprisoned unjustly, yet there was great wisdom and blessing in his time in prison. Events had to unfold in that way for the greater plan to be fulfilled.
I also want to remind you that everything that happens in our lives occurs by the will of Allah and is part of His decree (qadar). Nothing can harm you or others, if it was not decreed. Keep your trust firm, and seek solace through dua and dhikr.
I hope this helps,
May Allah make it easy for you and grant you peace.