Answer

O. Ilham

12 December, 2025

• You have tried your best and gave this marriage enough time, and finally you chose based on truth, not guilt.
• Feelings of sadness, even guilt is understandable because you are closing a chapter now. This is a form of loss, when you have to admit that, despite your efforts and hopes, it did not work out.

Assalamualaikum, sister, 

Thank you for explaining your situation. You married your husband not knowing that he was heavily affected by bipolar disorder, and your parents were also unaware of this before the marriage.

After you discovered his condition, your parents advised you to return home and seek a divorce, but you wanted to give him a chance. Unfortunately, two years have passed without any improvement. You did not have a physical relationship.

He himself admitted that he was unable to give you happiness or fulfill your rights as a wife. What held you back from asking for a divorce is that he has deep love for the Prophet ﷺ. Finally, you divorced but you feel extremely guilty and depressed for divorcing him. 

Guilty for Divorcing

Sister, I am truly sorry for your struggle. I understand how difficult this situation is, especially because you see him as a good-hearted person with genuine love for the religion. At the same time, he was facing severe personal struggles, and he openly acknowledged that he could not handle the responsibilities that marriage requires. 

He could not fulfill his duties or your rights, and without change in his attitude and genuine efforts, improvement was unlikely in his current state.

It may not be his fault, but the result of his condition. Some illnesses do affect a person’s accountability. If his mind is not in a sound state, he may not be fully responsible for what he cannot fulfill as a husband. I mention this to ease your concern and guilt about him—not to suggest that you made a wrong decision. 

Sister, your empathy for him shows your beautiful character. But compassion must not come at the cost of your own wellbeing, your faith, or your future. 

Good Person But Not Good Husband

It is okay accepting that he was unable to fulfill his role despite that he was, and still is, a wonderful person.  Marriage in Islam is meant to bring sakīnah (tranquility), rahmah (mercy), and mawaddah (affection).
If this marriage brought you only grief, loneliness, and constant emotional strain, then something essential was missing.

Sadness: Test or Weakness in Our Faith?

You know, placing expectations on someone who is struggling with depression, instability, or feelings of inadequacy may push him even further down. Even with the best intentions, pressure to change can sometimes worsen his situation.

I am not sure if this was the case, but it seems that you have tried your best and gave this marriage enough time. Indeed, I think it was a brave thing that you chose based on truth, not guilt. You valued the good in him while recognizing that this marriage did not allow you to fulfill your rights, your needs, or your hopes for the future.

You offered support and were patient, but you could not carry the entire marriage alone and “fix” his illness. That was beyond your responsibility.

Grief and Sadness

I think feelings of sadness, even guilt is understandable because you are closing a chapter now. This is a form of loss, when you have to admit that, despite your efforts and hopes, it did not work out.

It is okay, and even natural to feel this way, not only because of him, but because of your own dreams and wishes you had for this marriage. It is sad, and hard, but you will get over this, and in sha Allah, will be able to accept your decision, and be ready for a new chapter in your life.

May Allah grant you ease,

Read more:

• Family Members with Mental Illness, Abuse, & Divorce