And when I say I want you to do the same or at least remember my special days, he never does anything.
If I get hurt with anything he doesn't say anything. Never says sorry. Never initiate conversation.
It's been three years of our marriage. In the beginning, he used to initiate conversation whenever I used to get hurt, but never sorry. But now he doesn't say or do anything.
If I go to stay at my mother's house, he doesn't call me or text me and never asks me when I will come back even if it's a month.
I lost my first baby at 6th month of pregnancy. He left me at my mother's house and called once or twice a month. Never came to meet me.
I don't want to leave him. I still love him a lot. But he never gives time or attention. Never compliments.
I try to look beautiful for him. But he never appreciates it. Pls pray that he develops love for me. Ameen.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
- Is his change in behavior can have anything to do with your loss? Unresolved grief may cause alienation between you, yet it also holds the potential to deepen your bond if you confront and experience it together.
- Is it truly the case that he never does these things, or is it that he doesn’t do them in the way you expect or hope?
Assalamualaikum sister,
Thank you for sharing your feelings. You mentioned that you do not feel loved by your husband. He doesn’t want you and that he doesn’t honor special occasions in the way you do. You also said that when you get hurt, he doesn’t apologize or initiate conversations anymore. Initially, he did, but after three years of marriage, he no longer texts you when you are at your parents’ house or gives you attention, compliments, etc.
You also shared something very important and painful: that after six months of pregnancy, you lost your baby. This must have been an incredibly difficult experience. I don’t know whether you have fully talked about this loss with him, or how it has affected both of you.
The Impact of Your Loss
I am curious whether his change in behavior has anything to do with your loss, because you mentioned that he was more communicative initially, but not anymore. What do you think?
Unresolved grief may cause alienation between you, yet it also holds the potential to deepen your bond if you confront and experience it together.
Never Ever?
One thing that stood out while I was reading your letter is that you often use words like “never.” For example, you say he never compliments you, never gives you time or attention, never appreciates you, and never gives you anything.
This kind of language reflects strong feelings, but it’s worth reflecting: is it truly the case that he never does these things, or is it that he doesn’t do them in the way you expect or hope?
Sometimes, our perception is shaped by hurt, inner beliefs, or emotional struggles, and we may overlook moments where he does show care in his own way. People express love differently: some through words, some through spending time together, some through acts of service.
Expressing Love
You mentioned that you enjoy honoring your husband with gifts, which is a form of love language, but perhaps he expresses his love in different ways. I’m not sure, but perhaps after his unsuccessful attempts to show love in his own way, he decided to stop trying it. Is this possible?
Noticing and appreciating his ways of showing care doesn’t mean ignoring your needs—it can help create understanding and connection.
I think it would be helpful to have a calm conversation about what has been happening. You can explore:
- What might be the reasons behind his behavior?
- How do his actions compare with your expectations and needs?
- What are his needs and ways of wanting to feel loved and cared for?
Discussing these things openly can help both of you understand each other better, adapt, and make compromises. Sometimes, when one partner feels they are failing to meet expectations, they withdraw, which can create a cycle of disconnection. Understanding each other’s perspectives can help break that cycle.
Seek Support
Finally, it might also be important to talk about your shared experience of loss and see whether you are both ready to move to another stage in your marriage—healing together, growing, and finding ways to support each other. You may involve external support and seek counseling or mediation together to work on that.
May Allah make it easy for you and grant you strength and understanding in your marriage.