I have many Muslim friends, but I don’t feel very close to any of them. I sometimes wonder if anyone would even notice if they didn’t see me for a long time.
My friends made a group chat and nobody had noticed I wasn’t added until months later. I shared my favourite singer with my friends but it was only called fitna. Allah forgive me if I was in the wrong, but this really hurt me. These are only two moments out of more. Even the friends who don’t make comments as such, I do love them but the friendship feels surface level.
I feel I don’t pray with my heart nor read the Quran with my heart. The thing with Islamic lectures online is that most of them start with advertisements of people in pain (May Allah ease the suffering of the ummah) and it’s depressing because I can’t do anything about it and so I’ve found myself avoiding watching lectures to start with.
I want to be a better person but I feel the environment around me isn’t helping. I want to feel belonging somewhere and I wish I lived up to my value. I would appreciate your advice.
Answer
- Online communication, text messages can’t fully replace the warmth and fulfillment of spending time with people in person. Focus on building real, face-to-face relationships.
- Make rituals a habit, but make sure you do not draw conclusions about your commitment and dedication, or even your worth, if you skip some occasions.
Assalamu alaykom, dear sister,
Thank you for your question.
From your letter, it seems to me that what you are truly seeking is connection and belonging —a genuine, heartfelt connection with the people around you, and perhaps also a deeper connection with Allah. You want to belong.
You mentioned that you have many Muslim friends, yet you don’t feel close to any of them.
Belonging to others
First question,do these friendships exist mainly online or also in real life? How do you usually communicate with them? You mentioned a group chat where no one noticed your absence for a long time, which makes me wonder if these connections extend beyond the digital world—do you see each other in person, for example, in class, after school, or at work?
Nowadays, it’s common for online connections to replace real human interactions, but this often leaves people feeling isolated. Online communication, text messages can’t fully replace the warmth and fulfillment of spending time with real people. So, if possible, focus on building real, face-to-face relationships.
Remember, it’s not about the quantity of friends, but the quality of your connections. Even one or two genuine friendships can be enough if they are built on trust, openness, and shared values. If your friends are Muslim, that’s wonderful—you share a spiritual bond. But do not exclude others, especially if they respect your faith and are trustworthy. Those friendships can still be valuable.
You also mentioned that your prayers and Quran recitation feel empty, and that watching Islamic lectures online has become discouraging, especially when they begin with painful stories you can’t do anything about. I completely understand that.
Here is the thing: like you also notice, practicing our deen does not mean watching lectures. Sometimes, those can distract us from real worship. Seeking knowledge is important, but implementing what we learn, too.
If you want to learn more about Islam, consider taking a structured mini-course or joining a small study group that includes interactive tasks or goals. That can give you a stronger sense of purpose and progress than random online lectures.
So, how can you focus on living your faith in simple, sincere ways?
Start by paying attention to your daily prayers—especially the obligatory ones. Try to perform them with presence, even if only for a few moments. End prayers with a heartfelt du’a. Be consistent, even if it’s just one sincere du’a a day. Over time, it will become a habit, in sha Allah.
You can also begin or end your day with adhkar (remembrance of Allah). Don’t rush it—just dedicate a few quiet minutes solely to worship.
It is great if you can make these rituals a habit. But make sure you do not draw conclusions about your commitment and dedication, or even your worth, if you skip some occasions. That is completely normal and it does not make you a less good Muslim!
Taking action can also strengthen your sense of belonging. Try to engage in small acts of kindness or service—help your mother, your siblings, a neighbor, or anyone in need. Even two or three good deeds a day can nurture your connection with others and with Allah.
Also, understand that not every relationship will always feel deep or perfect. Don’t be discouraged if people don’t respond immediately—it’s rarely personal.
You can express to your loved ones that you want to spend more time together and strengthen your bond. Sense of belonging grows through shared time, honest conversation, helping one another, and expressing care—through words, gestures, and presence.
I hope these thoughts help,