Answer
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
In this fatwa:
Islam allows and encourages women to be confident, dignified, and active within the bounds of modesty and respect. The Prophet Muhammad treated his wives with kindness and never struck anyone. The so-called “hitting verse” (Quran 4:34) is not a license for violence but a last resort of symbolic gesture, as explained by scholars like Ibn `Abbas, emphasizing reconciliation and compassion.
Responding to your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and an Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, states:
Islam teaches us to look up to the Prophet as our role model:
{Indeed, you have in the Messenger of God a beautiful example for those who hope for God and the Last Day, and remember God much.} (Al-Ahzab 33:21)
So, what is his ideal example for us in dealing with our wives? The answer is clear; he said, “The best of you is the one who is the kindest toward his family, and I am the kindest to my family.” (Reported by Ibn Majah)
Anas ibn Malik, who served him for ten years, testified, “I have never seen a person more compassionate toward his family than the Messenger of Allah.” (Reported by Muslim)
Now, what was the example he set for us in this issue? His beloved wife, `Aishah, says, “The Messenger of Allah never struck anyone: neither a man nor a woman or a servant; he wielded the sword while engaged in battle only.” (Reported by Muslim)
This profound compassion is a testament to his character and a source of inspiration for us all.
Most traditions cited in this context are either doubtful or weak, if not altogether fabricated.
Permitting to strike gently cannot be as beating to cause harm or injury. According to the eminent companion Ibn `Abbas, it is not using a stick or whip but through a tooth stick!” That is, too, in extreme cases involving serious offenses.
Having said this, the Prophet wanted to teach us that there are better ways of dealing with our wives.
He taught us the principle of overlooking our wives’ mistakes and dwelling on their strengths. He said, “Let no believing husband hate his wife for her unpalatable traits of character, for if he finds something unpalatable, he will certainly find something pleasing in her.” (Reported by Muslim)
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Almighty Allah knows best.