Answer
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
In this fatwa:
It is not permissible in Islam to make Du`a for someone already married to become your spouse, as this implies wishing harm to an existing marriage. Scholars emphasize controlling such emotions through self-discipline, prayer, and patience. Instead, one should seek Allah’s guidance for a lawful spouse and focus on purifying the heart.
Responding to your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and an Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, states:
Controlling Forbidden Feelings in Islam
If you find yourself attracted to this married woman, it is essential to resist these feelings. Practice self-control and make an effort to manage your emotions. Allowing such feelings to grow unchecked can cause significant harm to yourself and those involved.
A wise scholar said, “Permissible love is allowed, and forbidden love is forbidden.”
In Islam, love between spouses or engaged couples is encouraged and permitted. However, developing feelings for someone already married is forbidden, disrupting relationships and potentially leading to infidelity.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) warned, “He is not one of us who causes discord between a woman and her husband.”
Marriage is a sacred bond, and feelings for someone unavailable can cause emotional and relational turmoil. For men, these feelings may unintentionally harm a woman’s marriage, while for women, they can jeopardize their relationship and spiritual well-being.
The Quran tells the story of the Egyptian minister’s wife, who became infatuated with Prophet Yusuf (peace be upon him). Her overwhelming desire led her to immoral actions and spiritual harm.
In his poem Al-Burdah, Imam Al-Busiri compares the soul to a child, saying, “The soul is like a child; if you neglect it, it will cling to its desires. But if you wean it, it will be weaned.” This highlights the importance of self-discipline in controlling one’s desires.
If left unchecked, these desires can harm both the soul and relationships. Just as one cannot blame fire for burning them after jumping into it, we cannot excuse the consequences of our choices when we indulge in harmful feelings.
Practical Steps to Overcome Forbidden Desires
You may also benefit from practicing the following tips to channel your thoughts in positive directions:
- Visualize the consequences: Reflect on the negative impact of the habit and the torment of Hell to create aversion to sin.
- Recognize the seriousness: Write down the harmful effects of the habit, using Quranic verses and Hadith to understand its spiritual consequences.
- Consider the potential loss: Reflect on the devastating effects of dying while still in this habit and its impact on your Hereafter.
- Seek Allah’s help: Turn to Allah in sincere supplication and ensure your connection to Him through regular prayer.
- Stay busy with productive activities: Fill your time with beneficial tasks to avoid idle moments that could lead to temptation.
- Surround yourself with positive influences: Stay in the company of good, spiritually minded individuals to motivate you to remain steadfast.
- Engage in study and reflection: Join a Halaqah or group to strengthen your faith and immerse yourself in spiritual growth.
- Practice Dhikr: Regularly engage in the remembrance of Allah to keep your mind and heart focused on Him.
- Consider marriage: After overcoming the habit, consider marriage as a way to protect yourself from future temptations and maintain chastity.
These steps focus on spiritual growth, self-discipline, and positive actions to help break harmful habits.
Finally, turn to Allah in prayer and mindfulness, asking for His guidance to overcome these feelings. Remember, Allah’s mercy is limitless, and He is always ready to support those who sincerely seek His help. If these feelings persist, keep them private and practice patience. By enduring with patience for Allah’s sake, you will be rewarded, Insha’ Allah.
For more about marriage, see these fatwas:
- What Are the Conditions of Marriage in Islam?
- Is Secret Marriage Allowed In Islam?
- Love before Marriage in Islam
- What Invalidates Marriage in Islam
- Is Misyar Marriage Valid?
- Does Islam Condone Mutah Marriage?
Almighty Allah knows best.