Dear Brothers/Sisters,

Thank you very much for joining us in this Fatwa session. We would also like to thank our guest, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, for answering the questions directed to him. You will find the answers to your questions below.

Question 1:

What is the ruling on committing masturbation during hajj?

Answer 1:

.Masturbation is a grave offense, and committing such an offense during Hajj is even greater.

Ihram is a state of consecration. It is akin to one entering Salah by offering Takbirat al-ihram; once you have uttered the opening takbir, you are in a state of communion with Allah.

Likewise, once you enter ihram for Hajj, you are in an enhanced communion with Allah. So, you must try your best to ensure that your words, actions, and manners befit such a sanctified state.

Another way of looking at it is in the state of ihram; one is in a state of constant dhikr. That is why Allah says:

“The pilgrimage takes place during the prescribed months. No indecent speech, misbehavior, or quarreling should exist for anyone undertaking the pilgrimage- God is well aware of whatever good you do. Provide well for yourselves: the best provision is to be mindful of God- always be mindful of Me, you who have understanding.” (Qur’an: 2: 197)

So, those who indulge in such behavior should repent, seek Allah’s forgiveness, and redeem themselves by offering fidya.

Imam Nawawi states:

“Masturbation is haram or forbidden, and indulging in it during ihram is a greater offense. So, if one ejaculates, the question arises: does he owe a fidyah to redeem himself? There are two opinions; one group says there is no idea, and the other is that he should offer fidya. That is the preferred view, and it is the view that is considered authentic in our school. As for the question of the details of the nature of the idea, our position is one should offer a sacrifice of a goat or lamb if one can; otherwise, fast three days or feed six poor people.”

Finally, they must seek forgiveness and follow up on their evil deeds with enhanced acts of virtue. Allah says, “Establish the prayer at the two ends of the day, and during parts of the night. Good deeds take away bad deeds. This is a reminder for the mindful.” (Qur’an: 11: 114)

Question 2:

What is the ruling on leaving Makkah before making tawaf and sa`i?

Answer 2:

Tawaf and sa `i are both considered integral to Hajj, whether one is performing any of the three forms: Ifrad, Qiran, or Tamattu.

In the case of Ifrad and Qiran, only a single tawaf and sa `i is considered obligatory. However, it is recommended that they perform the tawaf of Qudum or the tawaf of arrival and another tawaf called tawaf al-wada (the tawaf of farewell) before leaving Makkah after the completion of the Hajj.

Those who have opted to perform Hajj tamattu must perform tawaf and sa`i twice, once for Umra and another for Hajj.

Although it is not obligatory, they should also perform tawaf al-wada before leaving Makkah after completing Hajj.

Therefore, it is crucial to understand that if they did not perform the obligatory tawaf and sa`i as detailed above, their Hajj is incomplete and invalid. Therefore, they are obligated to redo the Hajj another time.

Question 3:

If someone dies in hajj, is he considered a martyr?

Answer 3:

Dying in Hajj is a good sign, indicating a life sealed with goodness. Therefore, the person can expect tremendous rewards from Allah.

We learn from the Prophetic traditions that anyone who dies while being occupied with an act of worship or dhikr or any good deed will be raised up in that state. So, in the case of a haji who dies in Hajj is raised making talbiya aloud.

Furthermore, the Prophet also reminds us that when a person resolves firmly to perform a virtuous deed, he is rewarded for his intention, even if he could not fulfill it because of circumstances outside his control.

However, the sources do not provide evidence that a person who dies in the Hajj is considered a martyr (shaheed).

We cannot speculate on such matters with no revealed text since they are matters of Ghayb or a realm beyond human cognition.

Question 4:

Can pilgrim wear medical gloves in case of necessity?

Answer 4:

Wearing gloves and face masks is forbidden during ihram. Those who wear them for no valid excuse should offer expiation, which entails a sacrifice, fasting for three days, or feeding six poor persons.

However, those who wear them out of medical necessity are excused. There is no expiation for it.

Question 5:

Is it obligatory on pilgrims to offer udhiyah?

Answer 5:

Udhiyah is not prescribed for the pilgrims. They offer hady or sacrifice if they perform hajj of tamattu or qiran. Hady is not binding on those who perform hajj ifrad.

Since there is no precedent prescribing udhiya for pilgrims, we should not consider it obligatory or recommended.

However, if someone still wants to offer Udhiyah, they may do it. But it would be preferable for them to do it overseas, where there is a greater need for meat. We may do well to remember that millions of Muslims in the world suffer from protein deficiency; so, by offering Udhiyah in such places, we merit greater rewards than doing so in Makkah or even Madina, where meat is abundant, especially during Eid al Adha.

As Muslims, we are guided to consider our priorities in all aspects of life, including our religious practices. This principle is particularly relevant when making decisions about acts of worship, such as the offering of Udhiyah.

Question 6:

I’m doing my job, so I am not allowed to wear an Abaya in my office. So, how do I do parda while doing my job?
A hijab is allowed, but the Abaya is not allowed, so how do I cover all the body parts?

Answer 6:

Abaya is not obligatory for Muslim women; what is mandatory is to wear modest attire that does not expose the parts of the body that should remain covered.

For further details, let me cite from one of my earlier answers on this issue:

“It is important to remember that the purpose of hijab in Islam is not to cut out women from participating in the activities of society to keep men and women utterly segregated or to make it hard for them to function normally in life. Instead, the purpose of the hijab is to help a woman maintain her dignity and honor as a free person and fulfill her obligations smoothly and comfortably.

So, the requirements of hijab are never oppressive or restrictive in any way; here are the requisites of hijab or proper Islamic attire for women:

1) It should cover her whole body except her face and hands.

2) It should be loose-fitting.

3) It should not be transparent or revealing.

4) It should not be an attire worn exclusively by men only.

As long as your attire meets the above conditions, there’s no need to worry. Remember, Allah has not revealed religion to make life difficult; instead, it’s designed to make it easy and comfortable for us. Allah says, “He has not laid upon you in religion any hardship” (Qur’an: 22: 78). “Allah wishes to lighten the burden for you; for certainly man/woman has been created weak!” (Qur’an: 4: 28).

Question 8:

I used to qualify for extra time in exams however, the rules changed in the UK and I no longer qualified. I then re-tested to see if I would qualify, but my parents were very stressed about this situation, so I did slightly worse on purpose on the tests they gave me, and so I qualified again for the extra time.

Would it be halal to use this extra time for the exams? I am not sure I would have gotten it if I had done the tests legitimately, but I didn’t want my parents to stress at the time.

What should I do? I can just leave the exams within the normal period without telling my parents. but i haven’t practiced for this and they’re high stakes.

Thank you in advance.

Answer 8:

What you did was wrong, as Islam teaches us to be ethical and be truthful, and honest in our actions and behavior.

Islam is not simply about rituals and dogmas but about living a life of moral integrity. Allah repeatedly reminds us in the Qur’an that we must be faithful to our covenants, pledges, and commitments. Honesty, integrity, and truthfulness are essential traits of a Muslim’s character.

You have sinned by acting dishonestly. In the Islamic faith, the path to forgiveness begins with sincere repentance. Turn to Allah, ask for His forgiveness, and make a firm commitment not to repeat such mistakes. Pledge to act with moral integrity, as this is the essence of our faith.

Once you have repented sincerely, you can hope for Allah’s forgiveness.     

You may use the extra time to prepare for the test, but do so after due preparation. Islam teaches us to excel in our work. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Allah enjoins excellence in all things.” (Reported by Muslim). He also said, “Allah loves that you do every work you perform diligently and excellently.”   (Reported by Abu Ya`la)

Question 9:

I was diagnosed with arrhythmia when I was a new born and it has developed into Afib and heart failure in my adult years. I wear hijab all the time in the winter as it does not tax me to do so. But in the summer, the heat makes my afib and heart failure more stressful. I sometimes go without hijab as it relieves stress from the heat. Is this ok or am I mandated to wear it regardless?

Answer 9:

There is no need for you to wear a hijab; you can wear any modest attire as long as it fulfills the requirements of modesty as prescribed in Islam.

For details, let me cite here one of my earlier answers:

“It is important to remember that the purpose of hijab in Islam is not to cut out women from participating in the activities of society to keep men and women utterly segregated or to make it hard for them to function normally in life. Instead, the purpose of the hijab is to help a woman maintain her dignity and honor as a free person and fulfill her obligations smoothly and comfortably.

 So, the requirements of hijab are never oppressive or restrictive in any way; here are the requisites of hijab or proper Islamic attire for women:

 1) It should cover her whole body except her face and hands.

 2) It should be loose-fitting.

 3) It should not be transparent nor revealing.

 4) It should not be an attire worn exclusively by men only.

 So long as your attire meets the above conditions, you don’t have to worry. Remember, Allah has not revealed religion to make life difficult but easy. Allah says, “He has not laid upon you in religion any hardship” (Qur’an: 22: 78). “Allah wishes to lighten the burden for you; for certainly man/woman has been created weak!” (Qur’an: 4: 28).

Question 10:

Hi, 19 years old. I grew up with the label of being Muslim, but my upbringing lacked the depth of religious knowledge. Living in a predominantly non-Muslim environment, I never felt the inclination to explore Islam further. In fact, I was even ashamed of my Muslim identity and kept it hidden from others. In that time, I made some regrettable choices, including committing the sin of zina. Surrounded by friends who normalized such behavior, I didn’t fully grasp its gravity.

About two years ago, I encountered an online friend who happened to be Muslim. Through our interactions, I delved into Islam, learning its teachings and principles. As I gained understanding, I made the conscious decision to ‘revert’ i don’ really see myself as a revert because i was a muslim ‘by name’ before.

Since then, I’ve immersed myself in prayer, participated in Ramadan, and genuinely fallen in love with my religion. Through this journey, I’ve also come to comprehend the severity of zina. Though I can’t claim ignorance of its status as a major sin, my indifference towards religion at the time shielded me from its weight. Now, however, I’m haunted by remorse. Not a day passes without me reflecting on my past actions, seeking forgiveness through tears and prayers.
Believe me, i have cried and repented a lot. It just doesn’t feel like its enough.

What adds to my sorrow is the fact that some of my non-Muslim friends are aware of my past transgressions and do not consider them sins. Their nonchalance only adds to my sadness. I fear that my past will hinder my chances of marriage and bring shame on my family. It is a burden I carry heavily, and even though I know I should put my trust in Allah SWT, I struggle to find comfort. Also because im afraid that my sins will be exposed.

The weight of my sins are consuming me..

Answer 10:

Although you sinned greatly by living a life of heedlessness and promiscuity, as long as you feel remorse and are committed to changing your life, you can hope for Allah’s mercy. You can do this by seeking repentance and committing yourself to expiate and redeem yourself by living a virtuous life.

Islam is a religion of hope and mercy; as such, it opens doors of repentance wide for everyone, regardless of their sinful past:

For details, please see the answer linked below:

The Door of Repentance Is Wide Open | About Islam

Question 11:

My husband always abusive verbally as well as many time physically put false allegations on me with other men which is not true ,dont let me meet or speak to my own family and even female friends also all the time curse my parents siblings use bad words and pray for their death yells at children use very bad words in front of them and realize all of us that he is giving us food and place to live and earning for us although i work from home too but he keeps all money and financial matters in his hands and if i or kids demand something he yells and refuse so kids always avoid him but sometimes i do have a argument fight but he shouts ruins the whole family atmosphere doesnt stops and starts threatening me for divorce and hitting me in front of children and curses me to burn in hell for being a not a good Muslim to obey her husband on the other hand he has taken all my inheritence money from me as well and given my house as well to his mom and bro i really have no choice with kids my mom died dad not well and bros far away so all alone under depression trying to compromise bcoz of my children growing up too fast and the eldest son also started misbehaving and spoiled because of this attitude of the father plz help me as i want to live for my kids but very fed up now im afraid kids will also leave him one day he is not realizing he says kids and wives u can get more but ur own family and mom is just one im also into this negative thoughts that some1 might be doing something on him like black magic how can some1 has so much hatred for his own children and family

Answer 11:

If what you allege about your husband is true, his behavior is un-Islamic. It does not befit the character of a good Muslim. Unless he repents and changes his behavior, he will incur the wrath of Allah and will risk his eternal salvation. It would help if you asked him to go for marital counseling. If you would not listen to you, see if you can seek the help of an imam or elder in the community to advise him. You may also consult a counselor. Occasionally, counselors appear on this site; you may ask them for practical tips to deal with your challenges.

If all attempts to change him fail, then you are allowed to seek divorce. Islam does not compel us to live in an abusive relationship.

On the details on divorce, please check the answer linked below:

What Are the Procedure and Rulings of Divorce? (aboutislam.net)

Question 12:

Following negative comments relayed about my sister’s future groom through family and friends, I would like to know if the appropriate decision is to first consult the other witnesses present during this meeting or the future groom on his remarks to collect his testimony or to report directly the remarks to my sister to warn her about the personality of the future husband. I want contextual elements to understand how the prophet (peace be upon him) would have acted in this situation. I think I made a mistake by first consulting my sister to warn her, which caused a lot of harm to everyone concerned, notably my sister, her future groom, and my friends who learned of this. Barak Allahu fikum for your help.

Answer 12:

While someone is evaluating the suitability of a marriage, we must reveal whatever we know about them. Doing so does not fall into the category of ghiba, which is forbidden in Islam. Instead, it comes under the duty of Nasihah, an Islamic duty, as the Prophet (peace be upon him) has taught us.

The Prophet sets the precedent for revealing such details (peace be upon him). Imam Muslim narrates on the authority of Ubaydullah b. Abdullah that when Fatimah bint Qays was divorced and completed her idda, both Mu ̒awiya and Abu Jahm proposed to her; when she told the Prophet about their proposals, he said, “Mu ̒awiya is poor (and cannot support you), as for Abu Jahm he is a person who is a constant traveler (or someone who beats his wives). It would be best if you married Usamah. So, the person mentioned the faults of the two suitors and recommended Usamah ibn Zayd as he was of excellent character.

Since a happy marriage is a critical foundation of a happy society, we should start it soundly. A marriage’s stability is based on sound character and mutual compatibility. That is why we should divulge what we know of the character of the persons seeking marriage partners.

Therefore, if you divulged what you knew of the person your sister wanted to marry, you did the right thing. She should only appreciate it and thank you for it. If she probes the details of your sources, you should also volunteer to divulge them. And it would help to consider the matter settled once you have done so.  

Question 13:

I, a foreigner, recently have fallen in love with a Muslim man. We have been in
discussion about children and marriage with each other. However, up until recently I discovered he was ‘unable to marry me’. I’m not familiar with the Quran, but he did say that he can marry a Christian or a Jew, “People of the Book”. He knows this, but won’t marry me as a Christian. Due to the words told by his father and his sheikhs that modern Christians are not that of what was written while the Quran was made. To him it makes sense that he can’t marry me because of how our books have been “twisted”.

Although it feels wrong with someone who has an existing religion and culture that go hand in hand with one another, I am willing to attempt conversion. I am sorry for my rudeness/disrespect. Converting is too much for me to bare. I’m not sure I am ready. I feel as though if I were to convert a part of me will be lost. I have thought about converting just for him, but I am afraid. I want him to see me as a Christian and marry me as that, no conversion.
I do not want to let him go.

Please help guide me.

I am from New Zealand. I wish to maintain my own culture and religion. However, I am unfamiliar with and uneducated about the ways of the Islamic religion.

Answer 13:

A happy marriage can be built on a foundation of shared moral and spiritual values and ideals. While it’s often advised to marry someone with whom you share the same values, it’s important to remember that interfaith marriages can also thrive.

Islam and Christianity, for instance, share many common values and ideals, despite some significant differences. Christianity is founded on the doctrine of a triune God and the belief that Jesus died to redeem the sins of humankind.

Islam, on the other hand, teaches strict monotheism and rejects extreme veneration or deification of anyone, including Jesus, and prohibits alcohol and pork, and its feasts differ from those in Christianity.

It is best to have a free and frank before marriage on how to overcome such challenges so that they do not prove to be obstacles in marriage. A Muslim husband cannot compromise on such essential doctrines.

Once you have arrived at a satisfactory method of dealing with such issues if both of you are firm in your moral commitments, believe in God, heaven, and hell, and lead a virtuous life, you may still get married if you do not interfere with each other’s faith and practices.

Islam allows a Muslim man to marry a Christian or Jewish woman who is religious.

For details, please see the answer linked below:

Marriage Between a Muslim Man and a Christian Woman? (aboutislam.net)

Question 14:

My old classmates are planning a meet-up together, it is a group of both women and men but mostly women. It’s a chance to meet up for the last time and I will not be able to see my female friends for years after this. I am not friends with any of the men in the group. The gathering will take place in a public setting and I observe hijab too. I have always maintained boundaries with the men in the group. So is it permissible to attend this gathering or will it be considered as free-mixing?

Answer 14:

There is no objection to a meet-up with old classmates if you abide by the ethical boundaries prescribed by Islam regarding male and female interactions. It is not different from your meetings with them earlier.

For details, please consult the following answer:

Does Islam Allow Mixed-Sex Education? (aboutislam.net)

Question 15:

I’m not a very practicing Muslim but recently I came across something that is changing my entire narrative on an Islamic marriage. I don’t want to turn away from Allah, so please help me. I read on a well-known website that a woman in Islam isn’t obliged for intimacy in a marriage if the husband isn’t providing for her because intimacy is in return for maintenance. What does that mean even? “Sex in return for the money he provides”? Isn’t it degrading the concept of marriage that a marriage is just for intimacy? I’m talking about a man trying his best, not the lazy one! Also, if a man tries his best to find a job and earn, but he has lost his job, then isn’t it insensitive to leave him because he can’t provide for you anymore despite trying his best? What is the man’s fault here if he’s trying his best? Please help me.

Answer 15:

Marriage in Islam is built on a foundation of love and mercy, entailing mutual duties and responsibilities. Allah says:

“Among His signs is that created for you spouses from among yourselves for you to repose in them with tranquility, and He implanted love and mercy in your hearts toward one another. Indeed, there are signs in this for those who reflect.” (Qur’an: 30: 21)

The roles of husbands and wives are complementary. Since family is the foundation of society, each spouse must fulfill their responsibilities; only then can a marriage be happy.

It is the husband’s duty to provide for the family; it is the wife’s duty to provide nurturing care and fulfill her primary duties as a wife and mother. If they meet these responsibilities, they can hope for a blissful marital life; if either of the parties forfeits their responsibility, they are headed for trouble in their marriage.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Every one of you is a shepherd. The ruler is a shepherd responsible for the welfare of the people; a man is a shepherd responsible for the support of the family, and a woman is a shepherd responsible for the home…so each one of you is a leader (in their own right) and is responsible (before Allah).” (Reported by Al-Bukhari)

The Prophet (peace be upon him) also said, “There is no sin greater than a man neglecting to take care of his family.” (Reported by Abu Dawud)

Therefore, if a man is negligent in his primary responsibility, the wife can force him to change.

However, this does not mean that she can neglect her spousal duties, including sexual intimacy, simply because her husband has lost his job and is trying hard to find another job. She may also provide the necessary support if she can do so financially. We learn from the precedent of the Prophet and his companions to support this conclusion. We all know that Khadija used to spend time on the Prophet as she was rich, and the Prophet was not, although the Prophet was still working. Likewise, Ibn Mas’ud was provided for by his wealthy wife. So, a wife can support her husband if she has the means; however, it is still her husband’s duty to work to earn as long as he can.

 Islam teaches us to strive to be self-reliant and shun sloth and laziness.

On the tips to make a blissful marriage, you may consult the following book:

Blissful Marriage: A Practical Islamic Guide by Dr. Ekram Beshir.

Question 16:

I’m writing this message in alot of depressing state. It started two years ago when I went for umrah and decided to study my religion and become a better Muslim. I started listening to the most knowledgeable scholar in my country and I was shocked by what he said about the women. According to him, a woman’s place is her home and men should never allow their wives to work in order to save their marriage as women who go out and work with the men are more likely to fall in love with someone else and end their marriage. He always makes me feel like women are slaves to the men and they’re obligated to serve their men and men are the bosses. He even says that a woman should only get educated these days to get a good proposal and as soon as a good proposal comes, she should end her education and get married because marriage is her bigger need. So basically, women are born to be submissive to their husbands and happily become a baby making machine. He’s always talking about 4 marriages and how it is not a Islamic thing that a woman shows her complete authority over one man and not let him take another wife. This is really saddening to me and this guy is so much against women being independent and yet he says that he promotes 4 marriages so that women don’t have to live in misery who are divorced/widows. He always mocks the women on mimbar and says that they’re less intelligent than the men and they’re not allowed to be leaders. They’ve to obey their husbands in everything which is not haram so basically she has no choice or freedom to do things. Now he even said that it’s normal for a woman to get hurt and stop her husband from second marriage but a woman who shows such a extreme reaction on her husband’s second marriage that it starts to feel like that Allah did a mistake by making it permissible then it’s dangerous and he talked about kufr. So what is he trying to say? A woman who screams, cries because she can’t bear the pain of her husband taking another wife is close to kufr? Please help me Shaykh as I am dying each day because of what he says…

Answer 16:

You should not identify Islam with the extreme views advocated by the so-called Imam. He is simply projecting his opinions onto Islam. In Islam, monogamy is the Ideal, and marrying another one is an exceptional allowance. A wife has the right to stipulate a condition in the marriage contract insisting that her husband would not do so, in which case, the terms of his contract bind him.

For details, let me cite one of my earlier answers:

“The Ideal is one wife, and the permission to marry more than one is an exception as can be inferred from the following verse:            

Allah says, ” And if you have reason to fear that you might not act equitably towards orphans, then marry from among [other] women such as are lawful to you – [even] two, or three, or four: but if you have reason to fear that you might not be able to treat them with equal fairness, then [only] one – or [from among] those whom you rightfully possess. This will make it more likely that you will not deviate from the right course.” (Qur’an: 4:3)

Thus, if there are reasonable grounds to suspect that he may not be able to do justice, he is allowed to marry only one. It does not take much imagination to see that the stressful living conditions in modern industrialized societies are not conducive to a plurality of wives; it is a fact that the vast majority of men are struggling even with one wife and children as they are unable to find enough time to give them the necessary, emotional and spiritual care that is essential for their development as responsible Muslims. In other words, life in the modern world has become so fast-paced that it is impossible to do justice. That is why most scholars insist that we should keep to the Ideal.

Moreover, we are also bound by the terms of our marriage contracts. In a milieu like ours, where monogamy is the norm, one needs to get the permission of his first wife to marry another, for she had married him with the tacit understanding that she would be the only wife he would have. So, unless stipulated otherwise in the contract, he is not justified in marrying a second wife without her permission.

Question 17:

Shaykh I like a woman very much but she’s infertile and it doesn’t really matter to me because I love her for who she is. She’s a good human being and I can’t even imagine living with someone else but my mom says it is discouraged to marry an infertile person. Why is that Shaykh? What’s the woman’s fault here? What about the narration where the prophet Muhammad PBUH stopped a man from marrying an infertile woman? Can you help me?

Answer 17:

You are allowed to marry her regardless of her infertility. The Prophet (peace be upon him) married women who never did or could provide him with children. So, you can go ahead and marry her. Marriage is built primarily on a foundation of mutual love and affection.

I pray to Allah to bless you with a blissful marriage relationship.

Question 18:

I have a problem and i hope you can guide me and help make the best decision inshAllah.
I’m 24 year old girl and currently i’m an university student. I have met a young man from back home (morocco , while i live in Italy) who is religiously committed, has great character, has a job and who is interested in marrying me. wanting to involve my parents as soon as possible i told my mom about him after 10 days of knowing him. She raged about it saying that i betrayed her because they can never accept someone who isn’t as intelligent as me because this guy doesn’t have a degree while i’m studying to become a doctor and that given the fact that i’ve known him for a short period of time he clearly wanted to use me.
She also said that i must finish first my studies and that i’m still too young to get married and that this guy only wants to use me in order to come here in Italy.
She told my father about it and he too refused because of my studies without even asking me for my opinion on this matter and later on as i insisted with my mother because i really want to marry this young man he even became violent with me as he tried to hit me.
They stopped talking with me for weeks and insulted me saying that i’m too naive to trust someone from back home and that i have disappointed them deeply and broke their trust .
My question is: are my studies a valid reason for them to prevent me from marrying? Is it true that i’m still too young? They didn’t even meet this man and his family before judging him.
Now things have calmed down as i didn’t talk about it again with them (all this happened last year). I don’t know what to do because i still have 2 and half years of uni and i live in a country when there is a lot of fitna and i didn’t ask for something haram, i wish they at least accepted to meet him . I fear talking with them about this again because of what happened last year and because my father has anger issues and i cannot ask an imam to talk with him because he would never listen to him as he never goes to the mosque to pray.
My decision to get married is not based on whims and desires, i think i’m mature and intelligent enough to notice if someone is using me for the purpose of papers and i don’t see marriage as an obstacle to my studies
What can i do?

Answer 18:

I can empathize with your situation. I pray to Allah to bless your parents and encourage them to be wise and act responsibly instead of getting carried away by customs and practices that may lead to corruption. I also pray that Allah guides you in doing everything you can to earn your parents’ love.

Now let me come directly to your question.

As a mature adult, it is your right to marry the person you choose as long as he is eligible and compatible according to the Islamic criteria.

For details, let me cite here one of my earlier answers:

“Marriage in Islam is a solemn contract between a man and a woman based on mutual love and affection.

Allah says, “Among His signs is that He created spouses for you from among yourselves to seek comfort through them and that He implanted love and affection between both of you. Indeed, there are signs in this for people of understanding.” (Qur’an: 30: 21)

The verse stresses that the purpose of marriage is for the couple to find comfort in their relationship, and this comfort is achieved through mutual love and affection.

Therefore, Islam insists a marriage ought to be based on mutual consent; hence, everyone should be able to choose their marriage partners based on compatibility in faith and character. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “When a person of sound faith and character comes forward seeking your daughter’s hand, marry him; if you don’t do so, you are paving the way for corruption in the land.” (Reported by At-Tirmidhi)

Mutual attraction is a primary factor in choosing a marriage partner. In Islam, the Prophet told one of his companions to marry a woman: “Go see her first, for you may find common interests that help cement your relationship.”   (Reported by At-Tirmidhi)

Scholars believe that no father or mother has the right to object to their daughter or son’s marriage if they wish to do so. They can only stop them if the man lacks faith, character, and ability to maintain and support themselves.

The Prophet said, “A woman is married for four reasons: wealth, beauty, family status, and religion; you should go for the factor of faith.” (Reported by Al-Bukhari)

The question arises:  Can a father refuse to accept his daughter’s choice?

The answer is clear:  He can only stop her if he lacks faith or character.

If, however, she has chosen someone who fulfills the above criteria, he cannot stop her.

If he were to do so, he is going against the orders of Allah and His Messenger.

Therefore, she has the right to ask the judge to intervene and solemnize the marriage. Because in North America, we don’t have an Islamic judge, an imam who is legally authorized to solemnize marriages can facilitate the marriage even if the father refuses to do so.

The above ruling considers the fundamental objectives of divine laws, which aim to prevent harm and corruption. The Prophet (peace be upon him) ordered young people who could afford to hasten to get married, as it helps them guard their chastity. Adultery and fornication are heinous sins that destroy the family and society, so preventing them is a significant objective of the divine laws.

The parents who do so inadvertently contribute to the spread of corruption and immoral lifestyles. Therefore, no Muslim parent with a moral conscience should stop their daughters from marrying the men of their choice.”

Question 19:

I’m from Kerala, India, just turned 20. I studied in Dubai until I was 16. In 10th grade, a boy proposed to me, but I rejected him for a year because I didn’t have feelings for him and considered it haram. When I moved to Kerala, I eventually said yes to him, but our long-distance relationship depressed me. He was rude and never gave me attention.
After 12th grade, I returned to Dubai, and our relationship improved when we were no longer long-distance. He started working, though his salary was low. I also got a job when I was 19, but I began to see other men and broke up with the other boy, partly because my mom pressured me.
Later, I realized other men had bad intentions and regretted breaking up with the first boy. However, I didn’t go back to him immediately. I gave my first salary to my dad and continued giving my mom part of my salary, though she refused to let me have a bank account. She demanded 500 DHS monthly for taking care of me and said she’d save it for my marriage.
This situation made me feel that even my mom values money over my happiness. I decided to reconnect with the first boy because he genuinely loved me. I got a better job with a 3500 DHS salary, and my mom started asking for 1000 DHS monthly.
I told my parents about him, but they disapproved because his family situation would burden me. I prayed Istikhara and felt a no, but I felt stuck because I promised him, I wouldn’t hurt him again. He isn’t financially stable to support me yet.
I lost love for my mom and often fought with her on my only day off. She curses me, making me fear Allah’s displeasure. I don’t know what to do, and I’m scared.

Answer 19:

If the person cannot financially support a family, your parents can withhold their consent to the proposal. In this case, you should not proceed with the marriage. The ability to maintain the family is one of the primary criteria of compatibility to consider in marriage. So, parents can stop a marriage on that basis. If the person is working and can support you, they cannot stop you if he is of sound faith and character. For details on parents’ role in marriage, you may access the answer linked below:

Marriage without parents permission | About Islam

Regarding your mother’s demand that you give her excessive money every month, you need not comply if you cannot afford to.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Obedience is due only in matters that are pleasing to Allah; there is no obedience in matters that are offensive to Allah.” (Reported by Al-Bukhari)

So, if your mother curses you for such frivolous reasons, you need not react to it. You can ignore it while being respectful towards her in all other matters.

In conclusion, if you back out of marriage for the above reasons, you don’t need to feel bad about it.

Question 20:

My wife says she wants to travel solo to a different country for vacation. Is this allowed under Islamic law? Please help us understand

Answer 20:

As a conscientious Muslimah who wants to please Allah, she should not be going on a vacation to a different country all alone without your consent.

Question 21:

How can one confirm that the Prophet Muhammad (saw) could not have acquired knowledge of past prophets and/or nations from traveling or other means in the years before prophethood (e.g., traveling for trading)? Is it also the case that the stories of past prophets circulating in Arabia at the time would have been unorthodox and therefore incompatible with the Qur’anic stories anyway?

One of the strongest proofs of prophethood is that the Prophet Muhammad (saw) could not have had knowledge of past prophets and nations (e.g., Biblical and extra-Biblical knowledge), and therefore the contents of the Qur’an related to this must derive from a supernatural source.

I have heard the arguments for why he couldn’t have had a teacher in Mecca, as no Meccan would have possessed this detailed knowledge, and he otherwise met ibn Nawfal (Christian) only after the first revelation. But I haven’t heard detailed refutations of why he couldn’t have had a teacher or learned these stories outside Mecca during his travels. I understand that the knowledge of the Qur’an requires a level of detail and scholarly study that is unlikely to be acquired by travel alone or here. Still, I would like to learn a more comprehensive answer to this.

Answer 21:

It is well-known that Muhammad (peace be upon him) was an unlettered man who never had a mentor or tutor. This fact, coupled with the miraculous nature of the Qur’an, was responsible for him winning over his staunch adversaries like Umar, who were notorious for their persecution of the believers. Umar was among the few people who mastered reading and writing in Makkah. So, when he read a portion of the Quran, he was moved to accept its divine origin, and instead of carrying through his promise to slay the Prophet, he embraced Islam and became one of his staunchest supporters. There were many such instances throughout history.

Allah says in the Qur’an addressing His Messenger:

“You never recited any Scripture before We revealed this one to you; you never wrote one down with your hand. If you had done so, those who follow falsehood might have had cause to doubt.” (Qur’an: 29: 48).

And,  

“Say, ‘If God had so willed, I would not have recited it to you, nor would He have made it known to you. I lived a whole lifetime among you before it came to me. How can you not use your reason?'” (Qur’an: 10: 16).

These verses refute the false arguments of those who deny the divine origin of the Quranic revelation.

“Say, ‘It was sent down by Him who knows the secrets of the heavens and earth. He is all forgiving, all merciful.’ (Qur’an: 25: 6).

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was known among his people as a person who never received any schooling, nor did he learn from anyone how to read or write. His life was an open book. He was known for his sterling character traits: They called him trustworthy and truthful. If he could not lie about people, how would we think he would lie about Allah? Even his staunchest enemy, Abu Jahal, said that we can never call you a liar, but we cannot accept your message that equates me with Bilal!

When Heraclues, the Roman emperor,  asked the Quraysh chief, Abu Sufyan, whether they ever suspected the Prophet uttering lies before his mission, he emphatically denied it. He said, “We never spotted anything like that ever before!”

The people who rushed to embrace Islam were those who knew him closely.

We also know that throughout history, scholars from diverse religious backgrounds who were well-versed in their scriptures have embraced Islam and continue to do so. They do so primarily because of their conviction about the revealed nature of the Quran. You can Google the names of famous converts to Islam, coming from diverse backgrounds: scholars, thinkers, philosophers, and diplomats. All of them recognize the divine origin of the Quran.

Question 22:

I am studying for a big medical exam to determine if I will become a doctor. I have taken it 2 before and always felt I didn’t give it my all. How do I know Allah wants me or doesn’t want me to become a doctor? I keep questioning myself and end up losing hope in myself. What should I do?

Answer 22:

You need to shake off such whisperings of Satan, who is trying hard to distract you. I understand you chose medicine because your cherished goal is to become a doctor. Now that you are already in the stream, you must go forward wholeheartedly, putting your heart and soul into it. If you do so, you will achieve your goal.

If you allow yourself to be slack or, complacent or lazy, you will fail; that is what Satan wants.

So, could you not allow him to give up?

If that does not help convince you, ask yourself: Is this the field I would like to excel in and provide a service to people for the love of Allah? If the answer is negative, then you should go for something else.

Islam teaches us that we should choose careers that we love so that we can put our hearts into them.

Allah says, “Say, “Work! God will see your work, and so will His Messenger and the believers. Then you will be returned to the Knower of the unseen and the seen, and He will inform you of everything you did.” (Qur’an: 9: 105).

So, I urge you to consider carefully, but it may be good for you to continue the study of medicine, for it is a great field with a promising future.

So, pray to Allah to inspire you with firmness of purpose and determination and be industrious in your studies.

Question 23:

I am unhappy in my marriage and don’t know what to do. I keep thinking about separation. How do I decide?

I am 30 years old and got married 2.5 years ago. I met my husband on a matrimonial site, and my father facilitated our initial communication. Although I noticed some issues, I felt he had a good heart and assured me he was trying to quit alcohol. His parents’ interest in our assets raised concerns, leading my parents to reject the proposal initially. However, after persistent efforts from him and his mother, I reluctantly agreed to the marriage.

Initially, living with my in-laws due to COVID-19 was manageable, and I embraced my new family, learning to cook and building good relationships. However, my husband exhibited strange behaviors. Once, during an unrelated argument with his mother, he suddenly demanded a divorce, which he later dismissed as frustration from his argument with his mom. He never bought me anything and criticized my purchases, insisting I prioritize his family’s needs over mine. He wanted me to buy the same thing for his mother and sister if I bought anything with my own money. He spent little time with me, often slept in another room, and was suspicious of my male colleagues. He spent an unusual amount of time with his mother. Often, I found him in his mother’s room, lying in the bed with her and talking and laughing while I spent all my day alone waiting to talk to someone.

He spoke poorly of my family despite their efforts to please him. Once, he bought me an expensive dress, only to insist I buy another of the same cost to motivate me to earn more. When I calmly explained to him that I did not want to spend this much money, neither his nor mine, he got angry and criticized the gifts my parents gave and suggested they should have provided a car as a dowry. He yelled at me for not cooking when I fell ill, despite his earlier promise that I wouldn’t have to do housework.

I worked at a well-known MNC, while he had a higher salary and a degree from a prestigious college. He pressured me to pursue further studies despite my successful career. When I got a job with double my salary, he stopped criticizing my career but refused to move cities as initially promised before marriage.


Soon, I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes, adding to my stress. We eventually moved, and though he improved slightly, he remained distant and often dismissive. He now pressures me for children despite his past disinterest in kids and my health concerns. I told him that I was not ready mentally for it as I was too exhausted managing my diabetes day and night while taking insulin 5-6 times a day due to weakness. He and his mother do not understand and keep asking me when I am giving him a kid.

He still drinks and smokes, and although he occasionally shows care and praises me, his overall behavior leaves me exhausted and stressed. I am not saying he is completely bad. There are good things. He never showed frustration from my illness. I still care for him and have love for him. I do not like to see him sad. But I am tired. I do not feel attracted to him like I was. I don’t feel like getting intimate with him, and I feel embarrassed and guilty about doing that. Help me in deciding what to do.

Answer 23:

I cannot decide for you; you should choose for yourself. However, if your statement about your husband’s behavior and lifestyle is true, then I do not think you can look forward to a happy married life unless he takes charge of his life and takes the necessary steps to change it.

You should ask if he is willing to seek professional counseling. You have hope if he agrees and commits to working on his marriage and building a humane relationship with you.

Furthermore, it would help if you suggested that both of you study the book Blissful Marriage: A Practical Islamic Guide by Dr. Ekram Beshir.

If he shows no interest in changing or improving his relationship, then perhaps you think of the final solution: getting out of an abusive relationship that strains your emotional, physical, and spiritual life.

For details on divorce procedures, please check the answer linked below:

What Are the Procedure and Rulings of Divorce? (aboutislam.net)

Question 24:

Its being a while now that i have been getting weird thoughts that i don’t like or want about allah. And it makes my heart hurt and it makes me want to cry. Then I realized that its from shaytan, but it not stopping and when i do dhiker i get scared and my heart hurts too, and i tried listening and learning the quran but then i got super scared and i started shivering and shaking, and i think its ok to be scared cause then the more you read the quran the more relaxed allah lets you be. But this is not with me and its making me think that i am a munafiq because of those horrible thoughts i was getting. And i dont want to be a munafiq like its the one thing i dont want but every time i do dhiker i get scared and my heart hurts. And i know that shaytan is messing with my head but i fint want to be a munafiq and i oray that allah guides me and inshalla this fear will go away but for now i want to know if i am a munafiq.

Answer 24:

What you are experiencing is due to the whisperings of Satan. You can overcome those whisperings by seeking refuge in Allah and asking Him for assistance.

For details, you can access the answer linked below:

Question 25:

I seek your guidance regarding a matter of concern. Some time ago, I came across a video where a mufti advised using extra prayers as a deterrent against sin. Inspired by this, I promised Allah to pray 20 rakats of nafl (voluntary) prayer if I engaged in a particular sin. Unfortunately, I struggled with this sin and, on subsequent occasions, increased the number of rakats I pledged to pray to Allah. I incrementally increased the rakahs by 8 each time I repeated the sin. I even added a condition to complete these prayers before midnight, doubling the remaining rakats if I failed.

Over a year has passed, and I have gained control over this sin, Alhamdulillah. However, the accumulated number of rakats I pledged to Allah now stands at 106, a daunting figure. I have been praying these rakats out of fear of incurring kaffarah (expiation), although I wasn’t aware of this concept initially. I only learned about it a month or so after starting this practice.

My main concern is that I don’t recall the exact words I used when making these promises to Allah. I am unsure whether they constitute binding vows requiring kaffarah for each instance they were broken.

The sin in question is self-pleasure, which I now rarely engage in, and pornography, which I have completely abandoned for over a year. Alhamdulillah, my lack of interest and low testosterone levels have aided me in overcoming these temptations.

In light of these circumstances, I humbly request your guidance on the following:

1. What is the ruling regarding my situation, considering that I don’t remember the exact wording of my promises made to Allah?
2. If these promises were indeed vows, am I liable for kaffarah for each instance they were broken?
3. Given the accumulated number of rakats, what would be the most appropriate way for me to proceed?

Answer 25:

If you swore to pray a certain amount of rak’ahs you should fulfill them.

If you forgot how many rak’ahs you promised to pray, then you should make an educated guess and pray based on that while asking forgiveness of Allah. Allah says in the Qur’an:

Allah does not burden any soul beyond its capacity. To its credit is what it earns, and against it is what it commits. ‘Our Lord, do not condemn us if we forget or make a mistake. Our Lord, do not burden us as You have burdened those before us. Our Lord, do not burden us with more than we have strength to bear; and pardon us, and forgive us, and have mercy on us. You are our Lord and Master, so help us against the disbelieving people.’  (Qur’an: 2: 286)

If you broke an oath, you should offer kaffarah or expiation. Allah says:

“God won’t hold you accountable for your irrelevant oaths, but He will for those you make intentionally. The atonement for them is to feed ten needy people with the average of what you feed your own families, clothe them, or liberate a captive. Those who can’t afford this should fast for three days. This is the atonement for your sworn oaths. So, fulfill your promises. In this way, God clarifies His revelations so you may give thanks.” (Qur’an: 5: 89).

So, it would help if you fed poor people for each oath you broke.

Having said this, I must also state that if you desire to strengthen your faith, here are some steps to take:

Here are some practical steps you can take:

• Consistent Dhikr (Remembrance of Allah): Regularly engage in dhikr (remembrance of Allah). Dhikr helps you draw closer to the Lord and repels Satan.
• Steadfast Salah (Ritual Prayers): Maintain consistency in performing salah (ritual prayers) and other religious duties.
  • Daily Qur’an Reflection: Read and ponder upon the Qur’an daily. Reflecting on its verses deepens your connection with Allah.
  • Righteous Company: Surround yourself with righteous Muslims. Their positive influence can strengthen your faith.
  • Engaging in Good Deeds: Rendering acts of kindness and helping others contribute to spiritual growth.
  • Finally, pray to Allah always to help you remain steadfast using the following Quranic prayer:

“Our Lord, do not let our hearts deviate after You have guided us. Grant us Your mercy: You are the Ever Giving.” (Qur’an: 3: 8).

Question 26:

I fall for pornography again after holding on to my urge for 8 months. Will Allah SWT forgive me?

So, I was addicted to porn for about three years. I started at 12 and was able to quit at 16. I’m 18 now. Last summer, I somehow watched half-porn (no visual sexual intercourse). I masturbated afterward without watching. After about 7 months of quitting, I masturbated. Now, after 8 months, I have again unintentionally fallen for real porn.

I was watching a movie about love, and there was a related movie at the bottom. I didn’t realize it was a porn movie and watched it halfway, then kept on watching. Later, I found myself watching multiple movies like this, and then I masturbated. I promised Allah SWT that I wouldn’t do it, but I broke my promise. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to resist the temptation.

Last summer, when I did it, I told myself I was going to save myself for my future wife and resist even masturbation. But I was only able to hold on for 8 months. I feel so pathetic writing this. Wallahi, it hurts more than anything in this world. Alhamdulillah, I pray five times a day, even Fajr on time and Tahajjud when I don’t have school. I also read the Quran every day at the will of Allah (SWT). But I don’t know why I can’t hold back my urges and temptations.

Will Allah (SWT) forgive me as I have broken my promise so many times?”

Answer 26:

You are guilty of a grave offense. It is so heinous that I am afraid you may end up risking your salvation by persisting. So, I urge you to repent and take steps to break free of such pernicious addictions.

You can do so once you have the will and seek the help of Allah.

For details, let me cite here one of my previous answers:

“When you are addicted to an extremely pernicious habit that destroys your spiritual soul and thus leads to self-destruction, you must urgently summon your willpower and take all the necessary steps to wean yourself of it immediately.”

To empower yourself to achieve this, you should seek counseling and therapy, preferably from those professionals in the field who are conscientious Muslims. If such Muslim professionals are not available, choose one from those who are ethically and morally conscious. It would help if you weaned yourself of these pernicious habits. The consequences of persisting in them are unthinkable; they would undoubtedly corrode your spiritual soul and cause your spiritual death.

Sins, by their very nature, are addictive, for it is in the very nature of the carnal self to seek pleasure in sins. As Al-Busiri has rightly said, “The carnal self is like a baby; if you neglect him, he will grow up clinging on to the breast milk forever, but if you wean him off, he will be weaned off.”

Thus, it would help if you used the following to empower yourself:

1. Visualize and meditate on the horror of this heinous sin and conjure up images of hell fire as painted in the Qur’an and the Sunnah as many times as possible until such time that whenever you are tempted to visit such websites or read such magazines, the scenes of hell fire will be playing in your mind. Thus, even as you have associated this addiction with pleasure, you will come to associate it with pure pain and suffering.

2. Convince yourself of the urgency of removing this cancer from your life by taking all measures, such as listing all the negative things about such habits and listing the verses and traditions about the gravity of sins. Remember, it is much more severe than cancer attacking your body since your soul survives you even after your physical body has disintegrated in the earth.

3. Imagine how terrible a loss you would be facing were you to die while being addicted to this most heinous sin.

4. Seek strength from Allah by crying to Him for assistance. But you can only seek the help of Allah if you seek to establish a connection with Him through regular Prayers, so never be slack in your Prayers.

5. Schedule your time so that you have no time left to think of such matters. Imam Ash-Shafi`i said, “If you don’t occupy your mind with good works, your carnal self will make you busy with bad deeds!”

6. Surround yourself with spiritual and Islamic influences and virtually immerse yourself in them.

7. Always hang around with good Muslims who are busy doing good works; join a halaqah (study circle) where spiritual training is imparted together with the study of Islam.

8. Make your mind and tongue busy with dhikr (remembrance of Allah). Say the following words and others frequently:

Subhan Allah; al-hamdu lillah; laa ilaha illa Allah; Allahu akbar;

Wa laa hawla wala quwwata illa billah. Astaghfir Allaha al-azhim min kulli dhanbin wa atubu ilaihi. (Glory be to Allah; praise be to Allah; there is no god but Allah; Allah is Greatest. There is no power or strength except by the will of Allah. I ask forgiveness of Allah for all my sins and repent to Him.)

9. Once you have been weaned of these pernicious habits, you should seriously consider marriage; marriage is the protection against temptations.

I pray that the Beneficent Lord of Mercy saves us all from the evil inclinations of our souls and makes us hate disbelief, transgressions, and sins, and may He endear -to our hearts- faith and good works. Amen.”

Question 27:

I got pregnant but we didn’t conceive it in proper way as it should be done. My husband got afraid that the child might get some abnormalities. So, my husband got the abortion done at 1 month nearly. Although I was not ready for it. I feel guilty for that. Before planning another time, I want to know what needs to be done and what kaffarah needs to be given to be forgiven for what we did.

Answer 27:

Abortion is a sin. The gravity of sin increases according to the stage of conception. If it occurs before the expiry of forty days, you should repent and seek forgiveness. There is no need to offer Kaffarah; however, if you can volunteer to give some charity, that would be excellent.

On details about abortion, let me cite here one of my earlier answers:

Abortion for Mother’s Health Problems: Justified? | About Islam