Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Thanks for participating in the session.

Here are the 8 questions to which our counselor provided audio answers. If you do not find yours here, check out our upcoming session or submit it there again.

Question 1. Marriage Isues

Assalamu aleykum.

I have issues within my marriage in terms of whenever we have a disagreement, he starts to ignore me for days sometimes a week which is repetively happening even though I have told him for the last two years that it won’t work in the long term. We will continue to have disagreements and I wonder if this will ever be a long-term marriage, imagine that during these days he doesn’t speak to me whatsoever except from this attitude and also, he doesn’t eat the food I made, sleep at the sofa, doesn’t even look at me. We have a solid month and then a disagreement comes up and then he isn’t speaking to me or touching me for a week. What should I do? I have already mentioned the issue for him and he isn’t changing.

Question 2. Heart and Mind Preoccupation of the guy I love is preventing from gaining Allah’s closeness and love

My heart and mind have been extremely preoccupied with this guy I love. I’ve recognized this preoccupation I have with this guy I love in my heart does not and cannot coexist with attaining Allah’s love. Meaning I’ve noticed that the only way I may attain Allah’s love is to stop thinking and stop being preoccupied with this guy I love. However, to stop thinking about the guy is extremely difficult for me and truly seems impossible as I like to daydream a lot.
In Ramadan it was the first time I have been able to busy myself with worship and alhmadulillah have been able to taste the bliss of Allah’s closeness and preoccupation of Allah dominantly instead of the guy. However, after that it has been on and off. There would be a week I feel close to Allah preoccupied only with Allah then weeks I start thinking about the guy and preoccupied with him. A vicious cycle of this. However, as of now it has been the longest I’ve been preoccupied with the guy. This preoccupation of him has prevented me from increasing my worship and gaining quality and focus. My dhikr is less, no khusho in prayer, less nawafil and etc. I have gotten a lot of information on this topic of dunya attachments and understand this qalbon saleem condition very well. Yet, I haven’t been able to consistently and strongly adhere to the knowledge I have gained. I feel very-very ignorant and honestly just a lost cause. I need help and wallahi, your help may prevent me from going back to the wrong path.

I am getting tired mentally of this vicious cycle over and over again of disappointing Allah and myself. This mental tiredness is the main reason why now I have been thinking about him the longest. I feel like I’m soon going to give up the straight path altogether and I’m scared for that to happen if something doesn’t change. I need practical steps and advice like some sort of blueprint on what I should do to overcome this strong desire altogether and let go because I really want Allah’s love consistently.

Question 3. Relationships

I reverted to Islam and met this pious man. Before I reverted, we had a romantic interest in each other. I reverted and intended to make it halal. However, since I reverted, he stopped talking to me, made excuses and then concluded we should not aim for marriage or a halal meeting etc. I have Islamic study lessons with him, it’s so beneficial and it really touches my soul. I always feel so refilled after the lessons. The lessons are always strictly professional and we don’t talk besides when it comes to that. But he before he told me I was so important to him and so special and I mean a lot to him.

He smiles when we talk and he takes an interest in my well-being. He watches all my social media updates and sometimes randomly messages me. He is aware of how I feel and knows how important Islam is to me and my need to complete my deen. Yet I know he doesn’t want anything with me and I have asked Allah Ta’ala to remove my strong feelings for him, it has been months and I still feel heartbroken. He seems to be thriving and not care yet I was so important to him. I have been introduced to other men (through and with a mahram) but I turned them down and have not agreed to meet more because I cannot move on. I keep asking Allah Ta’ala to make me feel better and to move on so I can focus on him only and that he can bring the right man into my life. I don’t know what to do.

Question 4. Do not want to be a mother and wife

It’s really hard to voice this out, but I’ve had these thoughts since I was 16. I’m a 19-year-old Muslim girl, and I’m not sure if it’s right to say, but I don’t want to get married. The idea of marriage, to me, feels like it’s inevitably tied to having children, and that’s something I don’t desire at all. I see people getting married and immediately thinking about starting a family, and that scares me. And the idea of childbirth scared me too and I never see myself there ever.

I just can’t picture myself as a mother. It’s not something I see in my future, and I’m certain that won’t change. But it feels like society expects everyone to want children, and it’s hard for me to understand why. People often say life isn’t fulfilling without kids, but I disagree. Some people get married the have children and their live revolves around them. But I don’t know whether I am a bad person saying this or not, but I DO NOT want to have kids. I don’t desire kids.

In Islam, there’s a lot of emphasis on having children, and that worries me. I fear that my thoughts might not align with what’s expected of me. What if I meet someone amazing who wants children, but I can’t give them that? It’s a daunting thought. I just cannot accept producing kids.

I’ve been searching for answers everywhere, but I haven’t found any that ease my heart. I’m torn between what I want and what’s expected of me as a Muslim girl. It feels like most marriages within my community or from what I have seen so far revolve around having children, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever fit into that mold. Maybe other girls can do it, but it’s just not for me, never. And I am 100% sure that this will never change.

The idea of my partner potentially changing his mind about children after marriage also scares me because you can change your opinion later on want to have children, But I will never. I want to find peace with my feelings about this, but it’s been a struggle. If marriage means having children and engaging in intercourse, then I’m not sure if it’s something I want to pursue, I will not be part of it. I just wish I could find a solution or some guidance that would ease my mind about all of this.

Question 5. Cheating

I have cheated on my husband 3 times and the first two times I was young and didn’t know and after the birth of my two children I have cheated again to seek attention from someone else who complemented me everyday. My husband found out I feel very weak and quilted and I wish I never had done it , I seek help my husband said to me that he forgives me but he is not sure if we will work again or not but he wants to try , I feel fair everyday and I don’t know how to deal with it I asked for forgiveness.

Question 6. Husband is neglecting me

Asselamu aleykum. I’ve been married for 3 months. We both still live with our parents. At the beginning everything was perfect in the first month, but for almost 2 months my husband has been slacking off with little things. We see each other every weekend but when we’re not together I feel very neglected. Like I’m no longer his priority and that’s really destroying me emotionally. I explain it to him every time. And that I don’t ask for anything more than that he understands my feelings and contacts me more often and calls me more often, like in the beginning. He always says that I’m exaggerating and that he’s very stressed and busy. That he has a lot to do and is looking for an apartment for us. I understand that, but I still feel very broken and neglected and I don’t see it as asking too much to give more attention and love when we don’t see each other. What should I do now?

Question 7. Relationship

My husband has been watching obscene pics and videos of women. First time when I found out I had confronted him and he said that they were pop ups. I believed him and since then he has been clearing his search history. But recently I saw him searching profiles of female models on Instagram. I haven’t confronted him yet but now I have lost trust in him as he lied to me. I don’t know how to move forward with this. I feel very betrayed.

Question 8. Relationship breakdown

Salaams. It’s with a heavy heart I ask about this topic. I had been with my partner for 3 years and he mentioned recently his feelings for me romantically fizzled out. I sought guidance from Allah and prayed on this as this was a challenge in my life I wasn’t prepared for. I deeply love this man but he told me recently that he knows I will move on. He’s seen it. He’s had dreams from Allah SWT with regards to my future and it is positive. He won’t tell me them but part of my is also questioning if this is something to believe in. I find it so hard to let go of our relationship but he is adamant that we won’t come back together or find those feelings for me. I thought Allah bought him into my life for a reason when times were so hard as I lost both of my parents. I now feel a little lost and unsure of what to do now.