There was another girl who was the same class as me and I talked to her. I cannot walk alone to my house even if it’s nearby because it’ll be evening. That girl I met would have to walk in the same path I should go. So, I decided to walk home with her. I told my friend this at the end of the tuition and she replied “You changed too right?” And got up furiously and went home.
She once mocked Allah too [without knowledge]. I forgave her because she did it out of knowledge. She even called me “Traitor” even if I didn’t do nothing wrong.
I now wrote a letter in a gentle manner I can telling her that I cannot be friends with you and also told her the reason for it. I did this to save myself. Sometimes it hurts what she says. She sometimes asks Me “Do you have any sense”? With a different face. And when she read the letter, I wrote to her. She cried. Now she is angry with me, she says that I hurt her by that letter.
My other friend told me to leave her because she felt the same way. But after she saw her crying, she told me to join with her again. I don’t think it’s ok. What can I do now? Is it my fault or hers? Can I still be friends with her again?
Answer
In this counseling answer:
- While in school, it is important for you to keep Muslim sisters as close companions if possible.
- While it is okay to keep yourself away from toxic friends, it is also okay for you to talk to them whenever they approach you.
- You need to make sure that your non-Muslim friends need to be aware of your religion and as such show a sign of respect to it.
Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,
This all sounds very confusing with this other girl giving you mixed signals all the time. It must be very stressful for you to be dealing with this all at the same time. It is better to keep other Muslim sisters as close companions if possible, but I understand that you’re going to a non-Muslim school probably makes that more tricky.
Seek Friendships With Other Muslimahs
Do have a look out if there are any other Muslimahs in your school that you could hang out with, otherwise, you could seek such friendships from outside of your school in your local area, likely through the masjid. This will help you to stay grounded in your religion by being in good company.
I do, however, understand that this doesn’t resolve the problem you face at school. If this other girl is giving you such a hard time, then maybe it is better that you keep your distance a bit for the sake of your own wellbeing. You do not need to completely block her out, just keep interactions minimal for now. Of course, if she approaches you, it’s ok to talk to her still.
This will also give you the space to think about how to manage the situation without being swayed by your current relationship with her. It’ll also give her the space to reflect on how she is treating you too. Perhaps this distance will bring you closer together in a more positive way and you could gently reach out to her in giving her dawah that, inshaAllah, she would become a Muslim.
Perhaps things will go the other way and you will realise that your friendship with her is not helpful and you can allow the distance between you to continue and you will take your separate ways without causing any further distress between you both. It might make you feel bad to do this, but if she is causing you so many problems and causing you to go astray from your deen, then this is for your own benefit. Apply this strategy to your friendships in general, especially since you are at a non-Muslim school, this branch help ensure that you are around as good company as possible even if its not possible for you to have Muslim friends within the school.
Make sure that any non-Muslim friends you have are aware of your religion and respect your choices without coming in the way of you fulfilling your obligations as a Muslim. If they don’t his, and don’t encourage you to do things that are haram, then these are friends for you to keep in the absence of Muslim friends.
As I mentioned earlier though, it is also important that you have Muslim friends too. If there are none in your school, then do look out for them outside.
Find a Safer Way to Get Home
There is also the issue of getting home in the evening. If you have no friends that you can reliably walk home with each evening, then it’s very important that you sort out some kind of reliable arrangement for your safety. If this isn’t the case, then you should speak to your parents and I’m confident that for your safety, they will help you to organise something, perhaps getting a lift home with a trusted person, or someone who can meet you after school.
May Allah (SWT) make your situation easier for you a guide you to friendships that will be beneficial to you. May He guide you on a path that He will be pleased with.
Read more:
- No Friends, Low Self-Esteem; I Feel Lonely
- Powerful Impact of Friends & Friendship
- I’m Unable to Maintain Friendships
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