At first, I brushed it off like all men are like that but then slowly he would be just talking about her all the time. I started asking about this female friend. Even he would say in-front of the kids like I found a female friend, and I’m gonna go on a date with her and maybe I’ll marry her. I asked him about this and he’s like he’s serious. He wants to marry her.
She found the love of his life after 18 years. Also, she wants to marry me too according to him (although they didn’t have any real conversation about marriage, nor did he propose her but I don’t know how he is sure that she is interested in him as well). He said she gave him hints. He told me he’ll think about it and do isthikhara. It’s such a big decision to do a second marriage.
It hurts me soo much that I’m raising kids all by myself and he has the time and energy for another wife. He doesn’t help me out at all with the kids yet he’s so interested in marrying a woman with one child. They message each other almost every other day, though it’s mostly about work but still it’s so painful. It all started almost 2 months ago and now he’s telling me that it’s hard to do a second marriage, I can’t leave you and the kids. How I marry another woman but still he like take food for her, coffee or something for her from outside for lunch and it so badly hurts me.
I’m so mad at this man. I don’t know what I am gonna do. I don’t know if I’m being a nagging wife or if what I’m asking is appropriate. I don’t like him taking food for her. I actually don’t know what I am mad about. He’s constantly praising her and which makes me mad. I don’t know where to find the balance.
Our relationship had ups and downs and we had a big gap in between, mostly because I’m busy with kids, running after them and he doesn’t help at all. He’s busy with work and after that he goes to gym or just on his phone. When I ask him to help me, he does which makes me mad at him and honestly, I’ve so much resentment towards him. I know he works hard and he works a long day but I’m not sitting at home just watching tv. I’m looking after kids which makes me exhausted and frustrated. I feel like I have lost faith in Allah. Whenever I’m struck with a calamity, I think negatively rather than asking Allah for help. I feel like I can do it all by myself but I’m wrong. Please help me. I feel like I'm gonna lose my mind. Should I just leave my husband and befriend with that coworker and just go on with my day or is there something I should worry about?? I don’t want to end this marriage but I feel like I might go for it if he goes for second marriage or if this kind of closeness continues.
Jazakllah khair.
Answer
It can be very hurtful to face your husband’s plans. Especially if the possibility of a second wife was not discussed prior to marriage.
It is also hurtful that he constantly praises another woman who is not his wife yet and who knows nothing about his marriage plans. Dating is not permissible, and talking about it in front of the kids is quite inappropriate.
You may talk to him. Help him realize that this is going the wrong path. It is not the right and Islamic way to deal with this situation.
Involve a third party or a marriage counselor who can help clarify feelings and distinguish honesty from disrespect. Also, to raise awareness of rights and duties and set up the right boundaries between you as a couple and others around you,
Click on the video to learn more.
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