We are on a holiday group trip and accidentally had an eye contact with a man. Funny is it begin with eye locking, being pulled toward him, and felt so familiar as if we have met before as a best friend, even though we haven't met.
We didn't talk, but since that encounter do feel at peace, worries and sorrow dispelled away, being more feminine, giving up beliefs and habits that disrupt my well- being without much effort, gaining more clarity and acceptance in life, and having more hopeful worldview.
It’s like a life-changing encounter. Is that a soulmate and are those signs as potential husband? What does Islam say about this. And what steps further should I take with such encounter?
Jazak Allah.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
- Usually, we interpret these events as signs when we look back and reflect upon our meaningful encounters in life.
- Instead of searching for signs, the Prophet (peace be upon him) in one authentic hadith recommended prioritizing the religiosity of a future spouse.
- See whether there are chances for marriage, set realistic expecations and make sure that you do not overlook important incompatibilities.
Salam alaikom sister,
Thank you for writing into the live session.
In your letter, you relate your first encounter with someone. Alhamdulillah, it seems to have had a great and positive effect on you. You haven’t talked, but you made eye contact, and you felt at peace, felt familiarity, felt more feminine, etc.
You feel that it is a life changing encounter because it helped you give up beliefs and habits that disrupts, you gained more clarity and hopeful worldview.
Masallah, sister, this sounds very nice.
I cannot tell you for sure whether these are signs of meeting your future spouse or not.
Usually, we interpret these events as signs when we look back and reflect upon our meaningful encounters in life.
But as far as I know, in the Islamic tradition, there is no literature about signs that predict meeting your future spouse. You can find out more writing here.
Soulmates in Islam
I have no knowledge about talking about “soulmates” in Islam.
I think it is related to other traditions and is based on the concept of perfect complementarity between the partners. In some traditions, even the divinity of their union, which is obviously outside the Islamic perspective. Check out this video, for example.
Allah says in the Quran:
“And We created pairs of all things so perhaps you would be mindful.” (Quran 51:49)
Also:
“We created you from a male and a female and made you into peoples and tribes so that you may ˹get to˺ know one another.” (Quran 49:13)
Yes, Allah created us in pairs so that we would know each other (and ourselves) and grow.
And what we have is the Qadr of Allah. The meeting with our future spouse has been decided by Allah. He chooses our partner and hastens or delays his or her arrival until the right moment arrives.
We are all going to be tested, and marriage is one of the places where we are strongly tested.
Allah says in the Quran:
“And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect.” (Quran 30:21)
Purpose of Marriage
The purpose of this union is to find comfort in each other. He placed compassion and mercy in us in order to be able to forgive and overcome differences during marriage.
Also, ideally, marriage would help us get closer to Allah, be better people, and help each other grow with the deen.
That is why, instead of searching for signs, the Prophet in one authentic hadith recommended prioritizing the religiosity of a future spouse over other characteristics, like status, wealth, and beauty.
The most important question is whether your future spouse will help you get closer to Allah or not.
If you want to find someone who does, you also need to work on your connection with Allah in order to be better spiritual companions for each other.
Not Conditions or Signs
Feelings of peace, attraction, and familiarity can all be present when you meet your future spouse, but these are not conditions of the encounter. There are couples who are successfully married and haven’t had these feelings or have had different ones.
These feelings does not guarantee a happy marriage without any struggles, and can be explained by other factors as well. For example, similarity in characters, temperament, and attitudes.
You may find familiar the “vibes” of someone who shares similar mindsets and attitudes with you, or his physical features may remind you of someone you closely know.
What is important is to be grateful for every encounter and experience that helps us get closer to Allah and gain ihsaan.
With this being said, sister, I recommend you the following:
Find Out Your Chances
Try to find out more about him to see whether there are chances for marriage. If you know someone in common, you can also inform yourself about how he is and what else to know about him.
If there is a chance for more, I would encourage you to involve your family members or someone who can be your wali to help you arrange an encounter.
Set Realistic Expectations
I recommend setting realistic expectations. If there is no chance to find him, let it go for now so as not to lose other meaningful proposals on the way.
Also, if you meet again, I recommend that you stay on the ground and not let your initial assumptions lead you.
These are very positive and hopeful feelings, but make sure that you do not overlook important incompatibilities and “red flags” due to them.
Check out these videos, for example: this, this and this.
At some point, do the istikhara prayer. Either before you start looking for him or before or after another meeting. Here is an article about how to interpret the signs of the prayer for marriage.
Trust in Allah
Sister, put your trust in Allah. I know that waiting for the right one fills us with hope at each positive encounter, and we are eager to find out whether he is “the one” or not.
But be sure that Allah has the one for you. He will put him on your way when the moment is right. And it will be impossible to miss it!
Make dua and continue hoping for His guidance and love for you.
More from Orsolya Ilham O.:
- Scared of Marriage and Intimacy, What to Do?
- Love My Teacher; He Is Married and Doesn’t Like Me
- Am I Committing Sin by Acting Upon My Compulsions?
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