We are now in the process of wedding planning but I have only now started to realize traits of his mother and sister that I find quite difficult to get along with. I wouldn’t usually care so much about this but once we are married he would like us to live with his mother as she is alone and he feels he cannot leave her. I have asked him for separate accommodation but he refused and makes me feel like I’m being evil by asking and saying ‘what do you want my mum to be alone and depressed?’
I now fear marrying him as I am scared that if me and his mother don’t get along in the future he will continue to refuse to give me separate accommodation and I will be stuck in a miserable marriage or given a divorce because he doesn’t want to leave her alone. I did ask him about what he would do if this happened and he hesitated to give me an answer for some time but eventually said he would give me my right to accommodation but I don’t believe he would. I am now in a weird situation where I am still very much in love with this man and can’t think of losing him. However, I also can’t justify leaving my family and moving into a home where I don’t know if I’ll get any respect. His mum and sister to my face are lovely, there were some issues (regarding things his mum said about my appearance when I first met her) however we have put them behind us. My fiancé is an amazing man, he ticks all the boxes and I can’t imagine my life without him and I think it’s also unfair to him that his mother and sister are ruining his marriage.
I have started to pray istikhara again every night but so far have not received any signs or had any strong intuition towards one choice. Also, I do think I am quite a sensitive person, I over think things a lot and sometimes I only realize later that things aren’t as bad as I thought they once were. The reason I mention this is because my feelings of fear may be due to my overthinking or for other reasons that I don't know yet.
Answer
Spend some time with your future mother-in-law before marriage and try to get to know her better.
It may alleviate your worries and make you realize that the situation is not as bad as you first thought.
While you have a right to separate accommodation, there is a reward in taking care of one’s parents, especially if they are elderly or ill.
At the same time, if there is unjustified negativity from your in-laws and you feel that sharing your home would negatively affect your marital life, advocate for your right to a separate home.
Help him find alternatives where he is still close to his mom while you have your own place with your spouse.
What else can you do to ensure peaceful relationships with your in-laws?
Click on the video and listen to Sr. Aisha’s advice.
More from Sr. Aisha:
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