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All Was Going Well Before Istikhara, Is My Anxiety a Negative Sign from Allah?

28 November, 2023
Q Salam everyone. I am having lots of worries about my current situation. I met a guy around a year ago and we clicked so fast Subhanallah. He is very religious, alhamdullilah, and is making me a better Muslim. Subhanallah, I have been getting so many signs of things going well. When I told my parents, he and my father clicked very quickly and it was easier than I thought (my father is very aggressive and I am the first to ever have brought something like this up in my family). My question is, when I first met him, I liked him a lot so I decided to pray istikhara for the first time. I have a terrible history of anxiety, and I was so scared that I was going to get a bad feeling after istikhara. After I prayed, I was feeling incredibly anxious. I’m not sure if this anxiousness is just because I’m worried, I’m going to get a bad feeling that Allah is against us being together or if that IS the feeling. Again, everything is going very smoothly, alhamdullilah, I’m just nervous about this because I’m already very attached. My father is already planning an engagement and I am nervous that I shouldn’t be with him! I also talked to my mom about this and she told me I was just being anxious and that is

Answer

Timea Aya Csányi
28 November, 2023

In this counseling answer:

  • Use journaling: Take a notebook or a piece of paper and start writing out all your feelings and thoughts. 
  • If you feel the thoughts still bother you excessively, try counseling.
  • Prepare for marriage: You can even enroll in a course and learn together.

Salam Aleikom dear sister,

Thank you so much for writing to us and sharing your story.

Marriage is such a big decision that brings many changes in life. Of course you feel anxious; I would say this is totally normal.

Good Signs

It is really a good sign that your father accepts him and is planning your engagement. 

You said you also liked him when you met, you feel a kind of attachment to him, even after praying istikhara. 

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Sister, there are all indications, inshallah, that you are on the right track!

What worries you? What are the exact thoughts in your head when you feel anxious? What are you afraid of?

And what could you do to calm these worrisome thoughts that cause trouble in your heart?

Perhaps you’d like to ask him some more questions? Or get to know him better? I would dig a bit deeper into this through journaling.

Journaling

Take a notebook or a piece of paper and start writing out all your feelings and thoughts. Inshallah, it usually brings clarity and peace. 

One thing is to have thoughts in your mind; another is to see them on a piece of paper. I highly encourage you to do this exercise. 

Moreover, keep doing it every day. Journaling is such a powerful tool for understanding ourselves. Inshallah, it will help you calm down and see everything clearly.

Counseling

If you feel the thoughts still bother you excessively, I would encourage you to seek help from a professional. Even About Islam provides counseling services. 

Maybe you would like to talk through your worries with a psychologist—there is no shame in it. It would be better than entering into a marriage with all kinds of excessive fears.

Turn to Allah

At the same time, I encourage you to turn to Allah. Complain to Him about your worries in your duas. 

He is the only One who can change hearts and help you have peace. Tell him what bothers you and what you are afraid of, and ask Him to help you.

Pray Istikhara

I would also encourage you to pray istikhara and see what life brings to you.The answer of istikhara  comes through events in life that either facilitate or block the issue you made istikhara about. 

Walk with open eyes.

Prepare for marriage

The third thing I would encourage you to do is prepare for marriage. 

There are many great books and courses online that would help the two of you enter into such a sacred bond with a clear mind and an attached heart. Maybe you want to enroll together so that this also brings you together.

May Allah calm your heart and bless your marriage, insha’Allah.

Salam,

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

anxiety marriage decision istikhara prayer istikhara marriage
About Timea Aya Csányi
Timea Aya Csányi studied Psychology and Islamic Studies Bsc. at the International Online University. She is a certified NLP® Practitioner, one of our writers and counselors at the "Ask the Counselor" section. She has been the editor of the "Ask the Counselor" section for 10 years. Now she mainly works as a fitness trainer and journalist.