Answer
As-salmu `Alaikum dear brother,
I am so sorry that you are disturbed by your family coming apart. In family
discord, there is often a person who takes the role of a witness, and that role is difficult that involves trying to reform and put the family together- often without success because the problem involves so many people and their behaviors.
In family discord, there is often witness (seeing yourself through the eyes of others), that role is a difficult one as you try to reform and put the family together without success.
Your returning to your home country and leaving America is the trigger, but not the main problem.
The main problem is the lack of good communication and connectedness amongst family members to the extent that your father would relocate your family without your mother’s consultation and that your mother would behave in such ways that would cause her very children to pay the price of a marital issue between her and your father.
Your sister who is on the Internet and was expelled from school is the family mascot in that she and her behaviors are a subconscious way to bring the family together, although in reality that is not the effect. You see, your family is in trouble right now.
You are separated (isolated) and each of you is suffering as a result of your mother and father’s disconnection.
Each of you wants to help the situation but to each their own way of doing so. Your sister, as naughty and inappropriate she may be is attempting to attract attention to the family problem.
If your father knew everything that she was doing there would be a greater chance that he would return. Further, your sister is probably suffering greatly and is trying to numb her pain.
You watch it all and you try to bring it all together, but it remains broken despite your efforts.
I would encourage you to share with each of your family members how their behaviors impact you.
For example, when your sister yells at you, you could say something like “when you yell, I feel like I don’t know you anymore and that makes me sad” or “ sister, I really miss the way you used to [ state something she used to do with you]”.
I know that these sound like really warm and fuzzy statements and that a lot of people are not comfortable with them, but often this level of emotionality is necessary to release the emotions in another person.
If your sister could release some emotions she would likely not being acting out as she is. It is normal that your sister would want to take the hijab off and doing all of these things which your father deemed wrong.
Firstly, she is probably upset that he left your family after bringing them home. Secondly, she probably wants to get his attention so he can come home.
It sounds like you are trying really hard and doing well in speaking your truth and making your position known regarding what is going on and what is right and wrong. It is very courageous to be able to do what you are doing.
It is also important to know when you have reached your limit.
Your father is responsible for the family and if you tell him what goes on and he pays no or little attention, remind him of his duty towards his family and ask him what he would like you to do.
Talk with your mother and siblings, not only about leaving America but about the state of the family situation!
Consult with wise family members or friends so that they may give your mother some direction. I pray that Allah guides you and your family.
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