Dear Brother/Sisters,

Thank you for participating in the live session with your questions. 

Please find the 8 questions Sr. Aisha provided an answer for.

If you do not find your question here, please submit it again to one of our following live sessions.

Thank you for your patience and understanding. 

Question 1. As a Childhood Trauma Survivor, Can I Relocate for Marriage?

I have been exposed to chronic childhood trauma. I am now of marriage age. A suitable bachelor is located out-of-state and is couple hrs distance from my community.

I am having difficulty relocating away from my support system. The concerns are being abandoned, adjusting to a new environment, and not meeting expectations of my future husband/in-laws while still healing from my past. Wanted to ask, is this an overreaction? Should trauma survivors take the challenge and relocate?

Answer:

Question 2. Can’t Decide Between Two Grooms; Please Guide Me

Assalamalaikum. I’m a 32-year-old unmarried female, looking to get married. I am a striving Muslim; I want to live my life in a way that Allah is happy with me.

I currently have two prospects but I’m unable to decide between the two. Both are well settled in life. I plead for your urgent guidance for the same.

The first one is more religious and settled outside of the country (I also want to experience a life outside of the country for a while). He says that he has a ‘Peer/WaliAllah/Guide’, someone who is very important to him. He has become closer to Allah after he came in touch with his Peer and that his Peer is a link between him and Allah. He runs all his important decision in life past his Peer and goes by what his Peer says. He also says that while he will not force his wife to do the same, his children will have no choice but to do the same. I personally believe in having a direct contact with Allah and don’t believe in having a link.

The other man is settled within the country and won’t be able to move out due to his commitments towards his family. He has had a sinful past, he has had multiple relationships, committed zina multiple times with both Muslims & non-Muslims, one of which ended in an unplanned pregnancy. The girl got an abortion without telling him. He eventually cut all his ties with her. This happened 2.5 years ago. He says it is all in the past and he is regretful of it and doesn’t want to repeat any of that. He was not very religious, but he has started taking small steps back to Allah, trying to pray, not being regular but striving. 

I am confused, both of them are nice, honest and willing to marry me. For the first one, I am not sure how is it from a religious perspective to have a Peer and depend so much on him, and for the second one I am not sure from a religious perspective whether it is okay to marry someone with that kind of past. Please guide me. Jazak Allah Khair.

Answer:

Question 3. The Irreversible Effects of Lifelong Domestic Violence; I Want to Be Sure About the Punishment of Allah

I know that women are the majority in jahannam due to their ungratefulness to their husbands and there is a hadith on this issue. However domestic violence is prevailing in the world today where the husband is often the main abuser. I saw it happen in my own family so I am an eye witness to the situation of true oppression. Now I’m not asking for your pity or advice to take counselling. I truly want to make my faith in Allah firm so it cannot be broken. I know that Allah will punish an oppressor sooner or later.

However, I want to know about the hadith which focus on punishment over men who abuse their wives day and night and treat them worse than animals housemaid or servants from olden days as in present times housemaids and servants and animals are also given their rights and well respected regarding their rights. Sometimes I see animals being treated better than humans unfortunately. Is there any hadith which is direct enough like the one mentioned for women being ungrateful to their husbands? Was the prophet peace and blessings be upon him ever strict with men who are violent with woman? I know he would never allow this. Can you provide the exact ayah and sahih hadith? I want to know that even if I see those who torture women especially husbands who torture their wives who seem to live a pretty comfortable and smooth life, whether they will ever see the true punishment and anger of Allah because it is very unfair to expect a woman to fulfill all her responsibilities yet treat her like she is not a human being with feelings, emotions and a sense of honor.

Unfortunately, there was nothing me and my mother could do to bring my father to his senses. I only want to know if Allah will ever punish him because we forgave him multiple times at the expense of our own feelings the only reason being that he is our financial supporter. Now that he has left psychological scars upon me for 20+ years of my life, I simply cannot forgive him because even though I’m away from him the evil effects of his injustice and abuse towards me still bothers me from time to time no matter how hard I try to fight it.

My only solace is the words of Allah and his messenger peace be upon him. Please do not ask me to take paid counselling as it will hurt me as I cannot afford it and don’t worry, I’m treading on the path of my own recovery from the sources that are available to me such as self-help books and other sources online.

Answer:

Question 4. No Love or Interest in My Husband; What to Do?

I am married 4 years ago. Until now I’m not in love with my husband and I don’t care him and I don’t want to live with him. But he is very supportive and good person. And when I was with him feel loneliness in most of the time. And, I always think that I want to divorce from him. What should I do?

It has been 3 years since my marriage. But I still feel no love for my husband, from that day till now. My marriage was completely at the will of my parents. I always think that I need a divorce from him. But I have no courage to present this in front of my parents and husband. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I have often been depressed and tense. And I am confused whether I should continue this relationship or not. I don’t know what to do. I know that if I say I can’t stay with him, my closest everyone will hate me. Also, emotionally I am not a strong person, I will easily break down.
I don’t know what is the reason that I can’t love with him. Once I just share my problems with my sister, that time she just asked me that what is your reason and what are the things you hate in him. So, I just said I don’t know.

Answer:

Question 5. How Do I Boost Strong Will & Stop Masturbation? 

How do I stop masturbation permanently?
Is there a prayer or ritual I can do?
How do I boost up my strong will?

Answer:

Question 6. Anxiety and Depression Due to Sinning; How Do I Forgive Myself?

I have been a bad person, committed various sins, broken a guy’s heart. I have apologized to him but not sure if Allah will also be able to forgive me. I feel so ashamed of myself to the point I cannot even face Allah and pray. This has led me to a very bas anxiety and depression, I have not been able to sleep or eat properly for months now. How does one deal with the inability to forgive themselves? And the fear of Allah not forgiving them?

Answer:

Question 7. How to Deal with Teasing Friends?

I’ve friends who tease me. Say that my expressions, attitude etc. are not right etc. They even blame me saying that I am rude even when I would have thought/did nothing. They constantly backbite others too. But sometimes they act /behave in super sweet way and their behavior is making me confused. Finally, they’re like, I am the rude one there. But actually, I am afraid to even defend myself because they may shout back or even cut ties with me and talk bad about me. How to deal with them? Is it permissible to totally ignore them?

Answer:

Question 8. Am I Getting Signs from Allah That My Death Is Near?

I have been troubled for about 7 months now. This fear of incoming death started about 7 months ago. Initially, it was very constant where I had a constantly rapid heart rate for one week straight. Throughout these 7 months, I have experienced everything – from absolute dread that I’m going to die right now, to a very sad and unexplainable feeling that I’m going to die soon and it’s pointless for me to do things like study in life. I’m a medical student, and this has caused a huge negative impact on my studies. I’m not able to study at all. Every time I sit to study, I feel dread. My mind wanders to places.

I stopped exercising, stopped taking care of my body, and just eat whatever I want sometimes because it helps to take my mind off the feeling for a few minutes. Because of this extreme fear of death, I have experienced so many physical symptoms as well – from unexplained body pains to chest pains to throat tightening. I am very scared of this one Hadith that roughly says that at the time of your death, you will have this feeling in your neck first. I have somehow managed this feeling over the months, but recently, it has become much more scary.

Because yesterday, I was reading a Hadith, before I began reading, I just hoped it would not be about death. But it was. The Hadith said something like “Prophet Muhammad PBUH would go to the Bali graveyard and speak to all the graves there saying – you got the news of your death. Soon, we will be with you too.” It felt like a sign that Allah is sending me. Since then, I have been so scared. I also came across another article that mentioned how if a Muslim dies and they had in their life made some false promises in the name of Allah and don’t compensate for it, how it should be compensated for after their death. This scared me again cus I made some false promises when I was a teenager. Now it just feels like these are all signs from Allah that I will die soon.

Answer: