Dear Brothers & Sisters,

Thank you for participating in the previous counseling session about hardships and struggles with your questions!

Due to the counselor’s limited capacity of answering questions, here are the 8 questions that our counselor has provided an audio answer for.

We apologize for not responding all the other questions.

If you have not received an answer below at this time, please submit your question to one of our upcoming Live Sessions. Thank you for your understanding.

Question 1. Affairs

My sister’s husband is flirting with my brother’s wife. My brother’s wife has come to me about this situation and I don’t know how to deal with it. Do I talk to my brother-in-law? Do I tell my sister? I want my family to be close but how can we be close if this has happened?

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Question 2. Taubah

Assalamu alaikkum I am a Muslim by birth I have belief in Allah and accept he is the only God but I am nor religious enough or pray regularly nowadays after being diagnosed with terminal illness I am afraid of death Mt inly concern us I feel like I have done anything for Allah and follow  Quran all I need is to make taubah and ask his forgiveness but I don’t know  how to make taubah and its procedures I am not afraid of leaving this world but all 8 need is do taubah and ask his forgiveness can you help me ?

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Question 3. Becoming afraid of marriage

What is your advice for someone who feels traumatized from the idea of marriage because Islam ensures that the man is super comfortable in it while the woman is psychologically traumatized. I just don’t feel comfortable with the position of a wife. For example, I feel like I will never be comfortable since everything about marriage is to abuse me. For example, Islam says that when a woman annoys her husband hoor alyn and the angles curse her, but no one curses the husband. This means the woman always have to live in fear of being cursed for slightest mistake and fearful from her husband as he can easily abuse her as no one curses him and no one will say anything to him. From another angel is hard for her to feel loved by him since he is promised many beautiful wives in paradise and she will just be one of many wives, therefore, he would not really care about her since he us promised countless wives. I just feel very uncomfortable with marriage.

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Question 4. Marriage hurdle

I would like to ask you a question I am in a school and I met a girl and we fell in love with each other and we were seriously considering getting married after high school, but one night she revealed to me that she was raped by a member of her family when she was a child. After this revelation I was very angry not against her but against life because I did not understand how one could do that to a child but I understood that it was fate of Allah I love her enormously and I want to help her and Subhanallah she has such a great Tawakul and she helped me enormously when I was in pain but one night my brother put me in a situation of genes where I gave in and I revealed that I loved this girl but she suffered this rape and my brother told me that he personally would never want to marry a girl who suffered this but I don’t think that at all and he told me impose his idea and so I cut off contact with this girl but no one nally I do not give up marrying her on the contrary I think that since she was tested by this test it proves that Allah loves her because Allah only tests the people he loves and if my brothers have this kind of idea that’s why he never did such a situation, sorry for the length of my text I hope you would advise me may Allah reward you

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Question 5. Guidance

I married a Christian without the knowledge of my parent and am thinking of what I can do to convert my husband to Muslim because he’s a Christian

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Question 6. I dislike my brother

As Salamu Alaykum. For as long as I can remember I never got along with my brother. I had to sit down and ask myself why do I dislike him so much and the few reasons I came up with were because he never acted as an older sibling. I’ve had to step up and supervise him multiple times because my parents didn’t find him trustworthy due to some things he has done and I was left to look after a grown man when I was still a teenager. At some point during high school, my dad took me out of school in the U.S and took me back home which made me really sad because of many reasons, but one of them was because my brother was supposed to be almost done with university and it was smarter to pay for him to get his degrees. He ended up failing some courses he took and my dad brought him back home and started feeling guilty because he could’ve left me in the U.S to study since I was a good student. They all expect me to treat him like an older sibling when he never acted like one. I feel like a hater now because even though he has not done anything wrong so far and claims to have changed, I can’t help but feel annoyed by him and I know most of it is Shaitan’s doing, but I can’t seem to let it go. I’m having to live with him and share things with him, but It’s hard to do so when you don’t like someone. Both of us are back in the U.S and we go to the same university, and I can’t help but feel like if I was the one who messed up like he did, my father would have never given me a second chance to come back. I wish I wasn’t thinking like this and I feel like a good Muslim should not dislike anyone especially their own brother. I have a great relationship with my other siblings and I even look up to them since I am the youngest, but I just can’t see myself doing the same with my brother. I am willing to take any advice on this problem. Jazkallah. Thank you!

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Question 7. I’m Lost and can’t feel Allah like I used to do before

How to move back to Allah when u r totally lost and can’t find a single way

AOA, Nowadays I’m in great trouble, I’m moving far away from my religion i used to watch one serial in which the people used to worship Hindu gods (now I’ve stopped watching it Alhamdulillah) and by the day from which I’ve started watching it I have started losing my imaan I can’t feel my religion my Allah the same way as I used to do before. Now I feel no interest in watching Islamic videos and knowing more about Islam and Allah but still I try to watch them so I could overcome from lack of faith but still they don’t help me out and even sometimes I think that soon I’ll leave Islam but I don’t wanna do it at the same time!
I’m just confused idk what to do what not to do that’s why i want u to plz sort out my issue so i could go back to my religion.

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Question 8. My Relationship with My Mom

Al Salam Alaykum, I really hope I can get some advice about the problems I’m having.

I grew up in a loving home alhamdulilah with my parents and siblings and until now we all live together. I’m the middle child of 5 and the oldest daughter.

My parents always do their best to help us become the best Muslims we can be and I appreciate that but ever since I was 14, I started having problems with my mom.

They weren’t anything big. We disagreed on something’s in cleaning and the responsibilities I’m supposed to have as a girl and the oldest daughter and such but as we went on they kept repeating.

My dad always tells us that he wants to be different from his parents by giving us the chance to speak our mind in certain situations as long as we are respectful l and he says my mom wants that too so I always spoke my mind with my mom respectfully.

However, the things we argued about were things where it didn’t matter whether I did it my mom’s way or not, in the end I’m getting it done but my mom was like no I have to do it her way. I tried thinking why she says that but, in the end, after it repeated so much I just couldn’t help but think that she is just saying it without any reason and she wants me to do it her way. Maybe she thinks its the easier way to do it but there was no reason to force it.

Anyways since then me and my moms relationship has only worsened. She is always comparing me with other people and says that if I don’t do this or that then other people will start speaking bad of me. I tried telling her that comparing me with other people will not change anything because I cannot be the same as anyone else. I also tried telling her that if other people start speaking bad about me then it’s a sin on them for backbiting because I didn’t do anything wrong. Then she says that I shouldn’t do anything for other people but for myself.

It may seem like there isn’t anything wrong but this has been repeating for years now and I cannot think positively about my mom anymore. Anytime she tells me something or she repeats something or she complains about something I automatically think she is doing it for negative reasons.

Most problems happen if I sit on my phone without finishing my chores so I tried finishing everything before sitting down but she still just keeps lecturing me every time I sit down about I should be and how others my age act to the point that now I don’t even sit downstairs when my mom is sitting there and I don’t go out of the house when my mom is going out so that I can sit in peace.

There is not a time I can just sit down and have a conversation with my parents or siblings without my mom coming and giving me a lecture saying I should be sitting down like I have nothing to do, I should get up and do chores that I didn’t finish like organizing the closet or learning how to cook something new.

I understand those things are important but those are not all the things I should be doing. I want to finish my chores so that I can have time to myself or have time to talk with my siblings or to do something I like. But I can’t, my oldest brother told me that I shouldn’t take the things my mom says to heart because that’s the reason I end up upset everyone we argue. I tried that but I couldn’t do it. It’s hard to not be hurt emotionally with all the things she says. Sometimes I look at other people and think to myself why I can’t live happy at home like that. Why I can’t have a good relationship with my mom. Why I can’t feel at peace in my own home.

My relationship with people outside of home is really good and everyone loves me but that makes me feel like a hypocrite because they think I’m someone that I’m not. But it’s because I never tell anyone about my problems at home and my mom always acts like I’m the perfect daughter and nothing happened.

I tried staying quiet when my mom is lecturing me. I tried telling my mom how her words make me feel but that only makes the problem worse because she gets angrier. I tried not staying at home by going to a Quran class three days of the week and the weekend instead of just on the weekend. I tried sitting in my room when my mom is downstairs. And I tried so many other things but nothing is helping.

I’ve had suicidal thoughts but then I dismiss them thinking that it’s haram. I sometimes think should I just leave the house and live somewhere alone since I can’t just end my life but then I know that’s a sin as well. So the only thing I do is sleep to avoid everything. To avoid my mom to avoid thinking about whether what I’m going through is normal but I’m just being dramatic for no reason, whether I should keep on being patient and wait until I get married (since I got engaged but am not getting married until I finish college in 4 years) or get married right away instead of waiting.

I always find myself doubting everything I say to my mom because I think maybe she is right maybe I’m sinning right now by not obeying my mom maybe she only has my best interests in mind but I can’t see that but I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m right or wrong because Allah(swt) says to obey the parents and especially the mother. I don’t know anymore.

I have no one to talk to so I really hope I can get some advice and counseling.

Jazak Allahu Khairan.

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