Dear Brothers & Sisters,

Thank you for participating in the counseling session with your questions!

Due to the counselor’s limited capacity of answering questions, here are the 8 questions that our counselor has provided an audio answer for. We apologize for not responding all the other questions.

If you have not received an answer below at this time, please submit your question to one of our upcoming Live Sessions. Thank you for your understanding.

Question 1. Purpose of Life

Allah always answered my prayers according to my wishes, but this time it’s the opposite. What does it mean?

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Question 2. Is okay to run away if your parents are forcing you to marry someone you dont like?

Salaam Alykum, I live in US. My parents are forcing me to marry someone I don’t like. I’m forced engaged with him. I already like someone. Even though I know talking to him was wrong, but he helped me alot and took me out of depression. He used to teach Qur’an before. He also used to give athan, khutbah, and lead jumm’ah in school (he has a good knowledge of deen). He brought me closer to Allah swt and taught me so many things I didn’t know about. I started wearing hijab because of him. I’m also doing hifz right now because of him, he motivated me. He helped me with my deen and dunya and we understand each other very well. He told me to stop talking to him so many times because it was wrong and wait for the right time. we were getting ourselves ready to tell our parents but a few days before that, I got a proposal from Pakistan. I tried to say no to that proposal but my parents didn’t listen. Everytime I tried to talk to them, they got mad and my mother started saying hurtful things to me and cursing me. I couldn’t do anything but tell them “yeah I’m happy.” I clearly wasn’t. A day before my engagement when i was in pakistan, i tried to speak with my mother again and she threatened me that she will throw my return ticket away and leave me in pakistan. she made dua for me to die so that I’ll make her life easier. I couldn’t do anything but to get engaged with him. When I tried to tell the person I’m engaged with that I’m not happy with this engagement and I was forced, my parents got so mad that they physically abused me. They also tried to kick me out of the house, my dad said you either marry him or get out of the house so i told them yeah I’ll marry him. The guy I like and I decided to tell our mothers everything and after telling them, ofc they both denied. My mother is telling me to marry the guy I’m enagaged with, take it as a punishment, sacrifice myself do whatever and think whatever you want but you have to accept him because there’s nothing she can do. She made me talk to him for a few days to show him that I’m “happy” with him. I thought maybe I’d start liking him after I speak with him. but now I dislike him even more. He promised me he won’t tell anyone when I told him I don’t like him but he told everyone, that also made me dislike him more than before. After knowing everything, he’s ready to marry me which is concerning to me. He also sent me songs and inappropriate emojis which made my heart turn away from him even more. The guy I like never sent me these things and he always respected me. I want to marry a person who’d lead me and my children towards deen. He’s the opposite and I’m scared if I marry him, it’ll lead to arguments and problems which will not only ruin my life, it will ruin my future family. The guy I like said he’s ready to take care of me and him financially and he’s ready to get nikkah done with me without our parents agreement. I know if we were to start our own life, we’ll be happy but I don’t want to be sinful. I don’t know if running away with him will make Allah swt upset and I don’t want to do that. Currently, we’re not talking because we know it’s wrong. I’m just making dua for my engagement to end miraculously but I don’t know if that will happen. Can I run away with him? hoping that our families will accept us after some time because at the end of the day, they want to see us happy.

Question 3. Forced into polygamy

Assalamu alaikum.

I’m desperately in need of guidance!
I’ve been married for 1 year now and just 3 months ago my husband told me he’s married to another woman back in his home country and has a child with her. 
I felt shocked and betrayed. I first found out about it accidentaly when I scrolled through his phone. He lied at first, then some months later told the real truth when I continued to be sucpicious. I wished he could’ve told me about it before I made the decision to marry him. Now my trust in him is completely broken.

He told me when he got married to his first wife in 2015, he was not present during the nikkah because he was hospitalized here in Europe. He said he did not give qabol nor the mahr. It was the family that decided the marriage, against his will. He says he does not love her and has never done so. But he has at a later point in time made the marriage real by having a child with her. When he’s in his home country, they act like a married couple: shares a bedroom and shares intimacy. Is his marriage islamically valid despite the fact that he did not say qabol and wasn’t present?

I’m miserable being my husband’s second wife. I was put in this situation against my will. I suggested to him that he should divorce his first wife if he does not love her and if he wants to be with me. But because of his culture and the problems it’ll cause with his family, he says he can’t do it. I’ve said that I can’t accept the situation and feel forced to leave. I don’t feel comfortable sharing my husband.

I don’t want to leave my husband. I love him very much. He’s a good man despite the secret he kept from me. But it’s a big burden to me and I see no other solution but to get out of the picture…

Please help me. Any guidance is appreciated!

JazakAllah Khair.

Answer:

Question 4. Dawah to Suspicious Parents

Hi. I want very much to call my parents to Islam, but I feel as though any dawah coming from me will be brushed off. They aren’t particularly interested in what I have to say but I fear Hellfire for them and I don’t want me doing dawah to be what turns them away from Allah (swt). Prior to my reversion I was not a very good daughter and I understand why they don’t take me seriously but I really am so scared for them. Thank you.

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Question 5. Parents not accepting my choice of spouse

Assalamualaikum. My parents are not willing to accept my choice of spouse and are still being stubborn as to not wanting to talk to him. I am trying my best to be respectful towards my parents as that what we are told to do. But it is so difficult when I have my parents not even willing to talk to the person I want to marry. How is this fair? There is.nothing wrong with the person I want to marry. He is within Islamic guidelines but the fact he isn’t settled in the same country as me is why they are not even willing to talk to him. They keep showing me other proposals and I have already said I am not interested and I have already said I am not interested but still my.parents are making me feel worse about saying No and rejecting the proposals they have put forth. I am starting to lose alot of hope and I have no idea what to Do anymore. I feel so depressed and worse day by day.

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Question 6. Waswasa & Impurity

Salam. I’ve been struggling for the past month with waswasa. I used to live a life of ignorance when it came to impurities. I would wash my hands but then dry using an impure towel or on my impure clothes and my feet would be impure also through impure water. I feel as though impurity is everywhere now. My carpet got wet with water. My “ritually” impure hands/feet were dry but I touched the carpet with both to check for wetness. I used my brothers towel to dry the water (the wetness went onto majority of the towel) and forgot to wash it. I washed it when I realised but my brother used the towel after 2-3 baths (to dry his wet body) that my mum gave him. I feel as though every time he goes in the bath now his body is ritually impure as he used the impure towel after bath before I washed it so his body is impure due to drying the wetness on himself. I feel like he makes the bath water impure whenever he gets in as well as the water mug used in the bathtub which mum uses to bathe him with. She then uses that same water jug that has been in the impure bath water to wash him off at the end of bath. I keep washing the towel and mug after he bathes because I feel as though his body is impure after bath and he spreads impurity everywhere I don’t know what to do as it affects me praying every day.

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Question 7. Cultural Ignorance

At my mother’s house on Eid some people come to visit especially to greet my elderly grandmother. I live in the US but there is a community of Muslims and people from my homeland (I’m first gen) in the area where we live. I am used to people coming to our home on Eids from when I was younger. Now that I am matured instead of just following culture I seek to follow Quran and Sunnah. This Eid a family friend of my parents (male) came to greet at my mom’s house with his sons, and because of the male presence I stayed in my grandma’s room, but the children kept opening the door. The man who I speak of then came to greet me and I was uncomfortable because he put his arm around my shoulders and patted my back as a way of greeting me. Mind you I am not a child so I did not feel comfortable with this; also because I know the two genders should not shake hands. Should I feel guilty for this; do I need to ask for repentance? This is not something I wanted to happen to me and spoil my Eid. I don’t think the people in my culture understand the importance of the two genders not free mixing. How can I uphold my modesty despite people around me not caring to? I also felt frustrated about Eid because no one in my family seems to care about making Eid joyous and actually celebrating; taking pictures and sitting in a living room don’t seem like celebrating to me. I just feel alone in trying to stay on the straight path.

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Question 8. Unsupportive Abusive Husband

Greetings,
I am in a situation where I feel trapped.
Christian married to a Muslim man.
Abusive: mentally, financially, physically, verbally.
Doesn’t work, has no will for work, has a criminal past. Children are involved.His symptoms clearly lead to antisocial personality disorder.
No help from anywhere.I work all day long to support and provide everything for the family. He doesn’t even buy bread. I asked for help from his family. No way. He’s extremely manipulative. Everyone takes his side away from our family. I deal with everything on my own. When I wrote physical abuse I mean not beating, but I don’t feel myself, I’m exhausted from work.
How is this okay in Islam? I feel wrong, like I’m supporting a devil. I’m against God. I have noone from my side to support me, as I’m considered a loser. I lost all relations, just because I’m hiding all problems. I’m hiding him and asking the kids to do so He’s always abroad, when he sits and smokes at home.
What are the rights in such situation?

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