Dear Brothers & Sisters,

Thank you for participating in the counseling session with your questions!

Due to the counselor’s limited capacity of answering questions, here are the 8 questions that our counselor has provided an answer for. We apologize for not responding all the other questions.

If you have not received an answer below at this time, please submit your question to one of our upcoming Live Sessions. Thank you for your understanding.

Question. 1 Human Relations

I do have friends but not the close one or the best friend. I find it hard to build a friendship with others and i oftenly avoiding people because i dont know how to face them, its hard to be with people especially if i’m not close with them. I’m also an awkward and shy person. But, in islam Allah told told us to socializing with others, build a strong bond with muslim cause all muslims are brother and sister. But i feel i can’t do that, is that  a sin if i can’t? Do i have to force myself to approach people when i dont feel comfortable with them? Owhh its not like people mistreated me, its just my problem that i’m not good with people.

Thank you

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Question 2. I have doubt and feel scared before marriage, what should I do?

I’m going to marry a woman, we both agree and already talks to our parents. There is mixed response from them that makes me start to feel doubt. My girlfriend is 5 years older, I’ve never bother about it before until my family commentend. I’m starting to questions my self, and find several articles about relations of that age gap to a divorce. The more I commit to the marriage, the more I am anxious and scared. I already did istikharah and try to keep postive thinking, but after months and closer to the marriage, its still the same. My friend tell me to fight those feeling since its from saythan, but I’m scared if turned out it is a warning to not continue and hurt everyones feeling. Please tell me what should I do.

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Question 3. I am mentally not okey in my marriage

My husband and I been married for 5 years now, we have a 2 year old son. I do everything in my power to please my husband; I try to help him as much as I could.  I work and I help out, I never ask for anything, I cook and clean. I am available everyday for his private needs. My husband is always depressed, and sad no matter what. When I ask him are you okey, He goes crazy. I honestly just feel bad so I want to ask if your okey. He attacks me for it. Everytime I complain to my husband calmly. Please don’t tell me this it hurts my feelings for example. He goes crazy and flips the whole thing. He makes me the bad person, He’s says I attacked him and I screamed and I am rude even though I swear I did not. I even once record our conversation; so I can show him that I did not yell. He attacks me for recording. I left the house before for 4 months because he was so angry and he hit me. He promised me he will work on himself. I am truly unhappy. I feel like crap. He killed every happiness and self esteem I had for myself. I am honestly so broken for being blamed for everything even things I did not do.

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Question 4. Parents are forcing to marry someone else of their choice because they made a promise.

Assalamualaikum,

Me and a him love each other and want to get married to each other as soon as possible…

We both have been in long distance relationship for 3years Now and we both even informed our parents a few months back about this…. Due to some legal work I can’t visit him to his country and he can’t visit me…that’s why we had no other option but to wait till all the legal processes are done to visit each other and get married, and we were patiently waiting for it as well.

But a few days ago the guy I love his father told him to marry his cousin because his uncle (guy’s uncle) made the guy’s father to make a promise that he will get his son married to his daughter while on death bed and the guy’s father agreed to this and made a promise to his brother (guy’s uncle) on his death bed.

But the guy’s father clearly knew while making this promise that his son’s already loves me and wants to get married to me as soon as possible….Now the guy I love is confused about this…. He doesn’t want to get married to someone else but his father cried in front him and kneeled down  to make him agree…..but after his father calmed down he went to talk to him and them this is not possible to do… but his father is blackmailing him by saying that he made the promise  to his dead uncle now he has to fulfil it by getting married to his uncle’s daughter…

And he’s also worried that if he disagrees to his parents and siblings they will never forgive him and which will be a major sin for a life time… our both families had no problem earlier with us but now the guy’s family is doing this 🙁

We both really love each other and don’t want to get separated and get to married to each other as soon as possible and wants to start a new life together… pls help us

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Question 5. Repentance and marriage

Assalam walaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu i have read a hadith in which Muhammad (s.a.w) said all among my ummah will be forgiven except those who disclose them i have already disclosed my sin even after knowing the hadith just because my doubts where killing me inside i couldn’t resist.Actually i send nudes to a person. I had doubts that the app is malicious but while sending i didn’t paid much attention later when I scanned the app i got to know it has a trojen virus which steals data .The data can be pictures, confidential passwords or anything.Well my face isn’t revealed in the pictures no harm on our reputation.My soul is dead inside.i am confused marriage is a contract or it needs Allah’s acceptance too.i am still a virgin .If i am not forgiven will my marriage will be accepted by allah taala .After some years my parents will marry me to someone i fear if allah haven’t forgiven me than that marriage itself will be zina. Now i am thinking of never marrying anyone I don’t know how I’ll reason my parents for not marrying. Will my marriage will be valid .Well i have great desire to marry.Will allah forgive me even after discloseing ?or should I never marry on the safer side.

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Question 6. I’m lost… I don’t know what to do next

I have been married for 9 years I think. MashAllah 2 children.. but for 9 years I have been depressed in my marriage. I hate my husband, I don’t feel love for him, we argue every single day, I feel nothing for him as a husband. I have been praying to Allah to guide me to happiness and to guide me to someone else in my life because I don’t believe my husband is the person I will spend my whole life with.

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Question 7. Husband and my close relative

Salaam, I am in need of some urgent advise, recently I sent some family pictures of an event to my husbands phone, however when I looked at his phone I noticed that he had cropped and saved a picture of my close female relative who is married to a personal secure file. The thing is I have always had suspicions that they liked each other as I have noticed on several.occasions that they look at each other lovingly..eye contact is longer then should be
This lady relative is quite flirtatious, I have had to suffer with this situation for several years, it is upsetting as they look at each other in front of me and do not care that I am looking. He would call her for long periods of time..this is the 1st evidence that I have found (the cropped pic)… I am really distraught…this situation is ruining my family life to the point that I have lost all respect for both of them, I have spoken to them about this situation but both deny..mentally I am soo upset, my daughter says we should separate as our lives will be better and happier. Also I found pics of his ex girlfriend recent pics..This whole marriage is a compromise I feel so insecure about my looks, he deleted my pic but kept hers, it hurts that he knows I find this whole situation upsetting, I don’t aajt to ruin my life any longer. Its not just the pics, it’s the looks and my understanding is that zina can also be committed by the eyes.

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Q8. My husband doesn’t think we’re ready to have kids but I can’t wait

Assalamualaikum. My husband and I have married for almost 3 years, I am very eager to start having children and raise them to be pious muslims but my husband thinks we’re not ready. We had ups and downs after a rough start, i sought help through your website (https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/extramarital-affairs/i-checked-my-husbands-laptop-i-cant-trust-him-anymore/). I made a huge work on myself and battled with depression. But we’re much better now alhamdulillah. However my husband says we’re not in the right stage of marriage to start a family. I have been very patient, but I can’t wait anymore, I am already 30 and suffer from PCOS. Getting pregnant will be difficult. But my husband doesn’t take my health condition seriously. He keeps saying not now. I cry daily in the bathroom, praying to get pregnant soon. But at the same time, i feel disgusted about having intercourse as I feel it’s useless anyway since he withdraw himself at the right moment to make sure not to procreate. I don’t know what to do. Our respectives family keeps making comments about it also, and it sure doesn’t help. I can’t stand seeing pregnant women. Toddles make me tear up. and I often dream about taking care of a baby. It’s driving me crazy.

I mentioned several times counselling but my husband doesn’t take it seriously and can’t seem to understand it. I dont know how to resolve this. I love my husband, I hardly can imagine my life without him but I also get angry at him because of this issue. I also angry at Allah swt (May He forgive me) because I don’t understand why even though I do try to do everything by the book, everything backfire. People around me who had sinful relationships got easily married and are now with kids. Meanwhile, every step in my life is painfully difficult and slow. I prayed everyday during Ramadan, to start a family and today again my husband refused to have children. I feel hopeless.

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