06 March, 2022
Q
Salam,
My wife had strange behavior towards me. I really do not know why. We are not able to consummate our marriage for 2 years now. We are engaged in other intimate activities, but my wife does not like to go further with me.
Even now after 2 years, she started behaving rudely towards me whenever I tried to be romantic. Whenever I tried to hug her or kiss her, she pushed me away. She says that she does not like doing it and does not want to be intimate. But I really love her.
One day, I was really mad and started to discuss topics with my wife about starting our relationship properly, but she refused to have intercourse with me. She insisted to keep our relationship the same as it is (to satisfy myself in another way, not by intercourse). I got frustrated and in frustration, I told my parents about the issue.
They called her parents about this problem. She refused that it is even an issue and called me a liar. She was at her father’s home when this happened, so she refused to come home and said to everyone that I cannot respect her.
My intention was to solve the problem not to increase it. As I tried to convince her in every manner, I said to her to seek professional help, but she refused. Everything happened so fast that I do not know what to do.
Her parents also support her and do not want to send her back. I am very depressed because I loved her a lot. Now I really regret and blame myself that I should not have told anyone about our issues. Please tell me what I should do now.
She will probably take khula now and I do not wish to marry anyone because I love her deeply. I do not want to live anymore because she is not with me.
My wife had strange behavior towards me. I really do not know why. We are not able to consummate our marriage for 2 years now. We are engaged in other intimate activities, but my wife does not like to go further with me.
Even now after 2 years, she started behaving rudely towards me whenever I tried to be romantic. Whenever I tried to hug her or kiss her, she pushed me away. She says that she does not like doing it and does not want to be intimate. But I really love her.
One day, I was really mad and started to discuss topics with my wife about starting our relationship properly, but she refused to have intercourse with me. She insisted to keep our relationship the same as it is (to satisfy myself in another way, not by intercourse). I got frustrated and in frustration, I told my parents about the issue.
They called her parents about this problem. She refused that it is even an issue and called me a liar. She was at her father’s home when this happened, so she refused to come home and said to everyone that I cannot respect her.
My intention was to solve the problem not to increase it. As I tried to convince her in every manner, I said to her to seek professional help, but she refused. Everything happened so fast that I do not know what to do.
Her parents also support her and do not want to send her back. I am very depressed because I loved her a lot. Now I really regret and blame myself that I should not have told anyone about our issues. Please tell me what I should do now.
She will probably take khula now and I do not wish to marry anyone because I love her deeply. I do not want to live anymore because she is not with me.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
It is not uncommon for women to feel afraid of getting intimate. However, 2 years is a long time.
Sit down with your wife and express your feelings without judging her.
Seek help from marriage counseling.
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general. They are purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.