Q I am from India. I and my husband are married for 12 years. My husband was never romantic or too lovable with me. Even intimacy was also very low.

After 2 years of marriage, we traveled abroad. He never talked out with me, never shared anything. We rarely went out and spoke very little even though we were alone. We then started trying for kids and after four years of marriage, I gave birth to my first child. Then I returned to my home country. Then again after the birth of my second child, I again went to stay with him. He would never let me touch his mobile.

When asked, he said he has some inappropriate talk with his friends so I let go. We would never hold hands or hug much, nothing to talk about between us except about dinner or lunch and planned sex of course.

Because of lack of emotional attachment, day by day I was getting cranky, was having anger issues because he never understands after explaining to me so many times. Then one day I found private pictures of random men. Also, he was sending his private part pictures to random people also some porn didn’t open that.

I asked him and he said it was to be confident with me during intercourse. He said it was just virtual; he has never done it or not in any relation with men.

I believed him but still, deep down I thought he may be gay, and this broke me hard from inside. He told me he would never do this again. This was when I was pregnant with my third child. Then I had to come to my home country for the delivery.

After birth, I went back to him. One day a person messaged me claiming that he was one of his friends. He said maybe your husband was gay and sent me some chat pictures where my husband was asking dick pics of others and exchanging his.

I straight confronted my husband. He said it was long back and that another person had called him and forcibly tried to do but he ran away. After that being in the same house, we didn’t speak for 2 months.

I was confused and went into depression because I don’t have any other option. I have three kids. I can’t hurt my mother, I can’t come out of this relationship. Then due to some financial conditions, we had to return to our home country. Then I wanted this to work so I gave him a second chance. After a year again, I saw my husband sending his messages to random boys.

This time, I asked him to get checked by a sexologist. He got checked and doctor confirmed he was interested in females. But still, he is not romantic, I don’t feel an emotional attachment. All this has created self-doubt in me, depression, and anger. I cry and sometimes try to heal myself by salah and azkar.

Please help me out, I don’t know how to take this relationship forward if he was gay. I don’t know why he isn’t close to me. He never understands if he did any mistake, never rectifies or explains his action.

He just stands still and leaves me in anger, hatred which is affecting me, our relationship, and my children. I just desperately want to be happy, and give my children a happy environment. I want to love and affection. Please help me.