Answer
In this counseling answer:
“it is a lifetime decision and to achieve a happy conjugal life, you will need more than sexual fulfillment. Marry for the right reason and not out of desperation or for halal sex.”
As-Salamu ’Alaikum brother,
We are all surrounded by temptations. This world is full of tests and challenges. We often find ourselves struggling with our nafs (self), trying to figure out the right and wrong thing to do. We are constantly going in battle with our inner desires in order to follow a righteous path.
The best way to avoid falling into haram is to be a fully practicing Muslim. You need to acknowledge that the environment you are in is full of temptation because Saytan made it his mission in this world as we can see in the Quran:
[Iblees] said, “My Lord, because You have put me in error, I will surely make [disobedience] attractive to them on earth, and I will mislead them all.” (15:39)
I assume most of the battles you encounter are in your university. Sometimes, you might feel like an outsider as you see your peers enjoying sinful acts. Be proud of who you are and your religion. Continue being an engaged Muslim and hold fast to your prayer. Fast often as this is a shield for sexuality as the Prophet advised. Contemplate on why you make the decisions you do. Once you acknowledge why it is wrong to commit zina, you will be able to pass the temptation more easily.
This life is just a trial for the Hereafter. In the end of the day, you want to be able to find peace in your mind when you remember that Allah knows everything as the omnipresent authority which looks at all our deeds:
“And to Allah belongs the east and the west. So wherever you [might] turn, there is the Face of Allah. Indeed, Allah is all-Encompassing and knowing.” (2:115)
Let me share with you a story I read in the Sunnah. A man came to the Prophet (saw) and said that he “loves zina” and that he struggles with this temptation. The Prophet (saw) asked him if he had a sister or a mother. The man replied yes. The Prophet (saw) asked if he would accept a man doing those sexual acts (the ones he desires) with his sister or mother. The man felt repulsed at the idea and understood the lesson the Prophet (saw) made. This man later said he loved zina and after this lesson he hated it!
Marriage is not necessarily the solution for “halal sex” although in many young Muslim minds these two mean the same thing. However, marriage is a large pie and sexual relationship is a small slice of it! Yes, you will be able to fulfill one of your basic human needs, but you will carry many other responsibilities that you might not be ready for such as providing, as you mentioned.
I am not sure how your current status is, but you certainly need to provide for your future wife the basics. At the same time, you will have to finish your education. You have to use your good sense and analyze the context you are in.
I would like to suggest to you a few ways to avoid falling into temptations and keep following the right path:
– Pray to Allah on time and make extra salah to keep you centered. Whenever you feel weak, you can say: “a’udhu billahi min ash-shaytaan-ir-rajeem (I seek refuge in Allah from Satan, the rejected one)”
– Keep reading/listening to the Qur’an regularly, especially the verses which remind us that fornication is a great sin.
– It can curb your urges and make you feel closer to Allah.
– Stop the means. Whatever is bringing your weakness should be avoided. If it is a girl who dresses poorly in college, take her out of your sight. If it is the internet, start using your computer in public spaces and school to avoid viewing explicit material in private. If you need, avoid being home alone so you don’t fall into this trap.
– Keep yourself busy. Shaytan will work on all types of distractions. Look for activities that require your full attention, study more, find a part-time job if it possible. Keep your mind occupied with important things or useful and creative hobbies to transfer your sexual energy. You can become part of a sports league or artistic/musical class.
– Have the right friends. Be surrounded by people that share the same values as you and give you healthy brotherhood.
In conclusion brother, marriage is half of your deen and will happen sooner or later, in sha’ Allah. However, it is a lifetime decision and to achieve a happy conjugal life, you will need more than sexual fulfillment. Marry for the right reason and not out of desperation or for halal sex.
I hope you keep making the right decisions in your life.
May Allah guide you and protect you, Amin.
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