Q:

Assalam o alikum

I recently had my nikah done and i am listening to bayans about intimacy and first night. I came upon a dua that a husband has to make ;grabing her wife’s forelocks when he takes her home

Dua is :

“Allaahumma inni as’aluka khayraha wa khayra ma jabaltaha ‘alayhi wa a‘oodhi bika min sharriha wa min sharri ma jabaltaha ‘alayhi (O Allah, verily I ask You for her good and the good of what You have created in her, and I seek refuge with You from her evil and the evil of what You have created in her).” (Abu Dawood : 2160)

QUESTION:

I know my question is a little feminist But what about the wife? Why the wife is not told to make such a dua? (To ask for good in him (husband) and To protect her from the evil in him).

Its like the husband gets protection from his wife from Allah but wife is told ‘naah you are to take whatever you get’

I know Allah loves all of his creations and he knows best but i am stuck at this question .. please guide me

Jazakumullah khair

A:

Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

In Islam, men and women are not rivals. Their roles are complementary. It applies to marriage as well as to other spheres of life.

Islamic laws are from Allah, who knows our nature best, so, in so far as specific duties are assigned to men, it is because of the natural differences between a man and woman. While haya or shyness is good quality, a woman is endowed with a greater degree than a man. Therefore, the initiative to approach the partner on the first night is assumed to be that of a man; a woman doing that can very well be taken as aggressive behavior; it may more likely turn the man against her. However, once they have established bonding, women may initiate just like men do.

Having said this, I must also rush to add: There is nowhere in the sources that woman cannot offer a similar prayer like O Allah, grant me the best of this relationship, and keep me away from the worst of it.

She may offer any such supplications to Allah to bless her martial life and endow it with peace, harmony, and greater joy and satisfaction. She may say such prayers form her heart in her language; and use appropriate words, as she may choose.

Almighty Allah knows best.