I have 3 kids.
When I was 16 years old, I got engaged to my current husband.
He used to live abroad and there was a long time until our wedding was done.
During that time, I forgot my values and committed adultery 3 times with someone else.
After 2 years, the time of wedding came and everything went well.
Now and after having 3 kids, my past still haunts me.
I told my husband about everything.
He decided to leave me but after so many efforts I succeeded in seeking his forgiveness,
but I am still afraid, I don’t know why.
Will I ever win his trust again?
Will Allah forgive me?
Answer
In this counseling answer:
• Sister, as humans, we all make mistakes.
• You have done the right thing in seeking forgiveness. This is the place to start moving on.
• You now need to take time to carefully rebuild the trust and relationship again. This can take time but is possible with patience and perseverance.
• Do things together that nurtured your relationship at the beginning and always communicate openly and honestly with one another about your feelings.
Assalamu alaikum sister,
As humans, we all make mistakes.
In your case, you committed adultery and this continues to haunt you.
Until now despite having sought forgiveness from the one you wronged; your husband.
When committing a sin, we fail to see the potential consequences and that is why we do it.
However, then, unfortunately, the realization arises when we do finally suffer the consequences, even if the consequences are not overt.
Those that are within the self as one becomes plagued by the guilt of an act that cannot be reversed.
It sounds like you are in this place right now as you feel terrible for what you did.
And wonder if it is even possible to move on successfully both with Allah and your husband and family.
These are all normal feelings following a situation like your own.
However, you have done the right thing in seeking forgiveness.
This is the place to start moving on.
Beyond this, there are other things you need to think about and do to continue the process of overcoming what has happened.
Continue to seek forgiveness from Allah
Continue to turn to Allah and seek His forgiveness.
Turn to Him in the depths of the night, in sujood and at all the time when it is said that He is especially close to the believer.
Cry to Him and don’t be afraid to let everything out and let Him know how you are feeling as you beg for His forgiveness.
Use these times to find comfort in remembering Him and His Mercy.
This will make you feel not only better regarding this specific situation, but more generally as well as you seek to do only that which pleases Him.
Then, indeed your Lord, to those who have done wrong out of ignorance and then repent after that and correct themselves –
indeed, your Lord, thereafter, is Forgiving and Merciful (Qur’an, 16:119)
Trust in Allah’s Mercy
As well as simply asking for Allah’s forgiveness, you just do so with complete conviction that He can and will forgive you.
He is The Most Forgiving and forgives all sins as He tells us Himself.
So, never give up hope in His Mercy and trust in His forgiveness.
Say, “O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah .
Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.” (Qur’an, 39: 53)
Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “When Allah completed the creation, He wrote in His Book which is with Him on His Throne, “My Mercy overpowers My Anger.” (Sahih al-Bukhari 3194)
Do all you can to avoid sin
The event is in the past and whilst you would love to go back and erase it, you can’t.
What’s done is done.
However, you can use what has happened as a lesson to change your ways and ensure that you don’t end up in the same place again.
The guilt you feel will provide you with a strong motivation to do so, as will your motivation to please Allah and strengthen your relationship with your husband.
As you get closer to Allah in continually turning to Him in repentance as mentioned above.
You will develop a relationship with Allah that will encourage you to do that what pleases Him.
You will be in search of the best in this life and the next by also avoiding sins due to fear of Allah’s punishment.
In all of your actions in daily keep Allah in mind and do it for His sake and this will be sure to keep you on the straight path and away from sin.
So whatever thing you have been given, it is but [for] enjoyment of the worldly life.
But what is with Allah is better and more lasting for those who have believed and upon their Lord rely.
And those who avoid the major sins and immoralities, and when they are angry, they forgive, (Qur’an, 42:36-37)
Beyond the spiritual element, consider why you committed the sin in the first place and how events lead to the sin.
Once you have pondered over these things, you will be in a good place to avoid getting into the same scenario.
Or facing the same triggers as you did to initiate the sin in the first place.
By avoiding the initial temptations, the situation will not even begin to get out of hand.
As you will be avoiding the things that you know have served as triggers for sin in the past.
Trust takes time to establish
Regarding your marriage, alhamdulilah, your husband has forgiven you.
However, since his trust has been betrayed, you need to understand that this will take time to rebuild.
This is a process that can take a long time and may come with bumps in the road along the way.
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In order to survive this, you will need to be patient with him as he develops this trust in you once more.
Maybe there will be times that he wants to open up to you and let you know how he feels.
You should allow him to do so.
It might help you to understand how he is feeling which will make it even easier for you to approach with the situation based on how he is feeling.
Understanding what he is going through will help you to see things from his perspective.
As well as provide further motivation to stay away from harmful things that could lead to sin.
Proving that to him will also help in strengthening the relationship again.
Rebuild your relationship
Aside from communication regarding the event and exploring feelings towards it, work on rebuilding your relationship.
Do nice things together.
Go out for dinner together, do things that you enjoy together.
Laugh and have fun to do the kinds of things that you did at the beginning of your relationship that created the bind and love between you that you once had.
Forgive yourself
In order to assist you in the above tasks, you just also forgive yourself.
You did wrong and you know it, but you are doing all you can to make amends now.
You are doing the right thing.
If you don’t forgive yourself and move on, you will find that you will have a hard time doing anything in life.
The guilt that you carry around as a burden will become so heavy that it could lead to depression and withdrawal from everything.
Self-forgiveness will help to prevent this from occurring.
To practice this on yourself will also help to soften your heart towards others.
Also as you will have more empathy towards those who have done wrong have been in their shoes before to some extent.
Summary
Do not lose hope in the Mercy of Allah and continue to turn to Him in repentance in complete faith that He will forgive you.
Use this faith in Allah along with the understanding of what took you to that sin in the first place.
Do all you can to avoid getting into another sin that could draw you sin again.
Alhamdulillah, your husband forgave you, but you now need to take time to carefully rebuild the trust and relationship again.
This can take time but is possible with patience and perseverance.
Do things together that nurtured your relationship at the beginning and always communicate openly and honestly with one another about your feelings.
As well as turning to Allah and repairing things with your husband.
Also focus on forgiving yourself and this will also help you to break free from the guilt that is overwhelming you right now.
May Allah forgive you and bring you comfort in his remembrance.
May He make you and your husband the coolness of the eyes of each other once more.
salam,
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