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I Was Suicidal, A Video About Jesus Saved Me

I’m Chris. I’m twenty-seven. I did a lot of Christian activities, camping and stuff, as a kid, but my mom and dad were never religious.

I’ve grown up with my step-dad. He was never religious. They were like a youth place for me the boys would go to…

Well, I was in a very bad place, suicidal. I was talking to someone that wasn’t there, asking for help for like three months… and I stumbled up onto this video on Facebook about Jesus.

The Truth about Jesus

Whereas I thought Jesus was the Son of God, it was telling me that Jesus was a Prophet of God. I was thinking: “What’s this?!

I watched these videos called “Merciful Servant” for two months, and I still didn’t click. Even though I was watching stories of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and it didn’t click this was Islam.

So I was in a taxi, I was talking to an Asian guy. I said to him:

“Do you know of a religion upon the understanding of Jesus being a Prophet of God?”

And he smiled at me, and I was like:

“Why is he smiling at me?”

So he smiled at me and I smiled, and I’m like:

“What’s he doing?”

And he said:

“This is our religion, brother.”

And I said:

“What religion is that?”

And he said: “Islam.”

So I turned around to him and I went:

“Muslims are terrorists. Muslims kill people. How can they have Jesus in their religion? You know, Jesus is the savior?”

And he looked at me and he smiled again and he said:

“You know what it is brother. Just keep watching the videos and I kept watching.”

So I kind of stopped watching the videos for a few weeks, but there was something that was eating on me inside:

“I need to know.”

And it was really bugging me.

So I was on the verge of just ending it. And I was drinking a lot, I was doing things with my friends… I felt so lonely. But there was only this thing that kept me going… these videos of Prophet Yusuf, and a lot of stories that kept me going, and it kept my will to live, so to speak.

I was speaking every night to God before I would sleep, and I was saying:

“Please help me. Please help me, God.”

I was speaking to God, but in my own way at that time because I didn’t understand.

Then I went back to the videos, and I found out a few more things, and I watched more stories about the Prophet Muhammad, and I was thinking to myself:

“But people say bad things about Muhammad.”

People say really bad things about him. That’s all I’ve ever heard.

I’ve only known bad things. So I’m like: “Wow! These stories… this is how I want to be.”

I started working at the Broadway in Bradford as a security officer, and I met a guy called Bashir, one of the Nigerian brothers… My view was, “if a lot of my friends are dictators, I don’t want Muslims to be dictators either.”

So I need to go down my own path. I kind of kept it all quiet. So I worked with him for a few months. And he was talking about Islam, and he was inviting me for food… I believe now he was put there to help me along this journey without him knowing…

Considering the Shahadah

On the fifth of November, I was celebrating the bonfire night with my friends who didn’t know anything. So I was obviously drinking and that… Then I woke up on the sixth of November, it was a Friday, and I thought to myself:

“I need to go to the mosque.”

So I rang Bashir and said:

“Bashir, would you please take me to the mosque?”

And he turned around and said:

“You need to learn Islam first before I take you to the mosque.”

I said:

“Brother, I’ve been doing it for 10 months. I need to go, and would you take me to the mosque?”

So he took me to the masjid, where I met some of the brothers, and I was in the room with Mas’oud, the Imam of the mosque I was at. He asked me a few questions, then he brought up a few things, and I said:

“I do believe that God was one and the Prophet Muhammad is the messenger of God.”

So after that I took my Shahadah and I became Muslim.

I remember the feeling. I get that feeling now sometimes when I’m talking about Islam. It’s weird… I can’t explain the feeling that I actually got from taking my Shahadah and becoming Muslim.

I sat there for nights and nights just thinking: “Wow!” For days, and I still do it now. And I think: “Wow!” When I learn new things, I just think: “Wow!” What I am now, to what I was then. People are seeing I’m gleaming and glowing, you know.

I Have Purpose

I’ve got a purpose of life now. Back then I didn’t have purpose at all. I didn’t even care about anything. I didn’t respect my mum, my dad, my brothers, all I did was argue with my friends…

Now, Islam has taught me how to treat people, how to pursue your life. It’s been a guidance for me, you know.

Islam is a guide. I don’t see the Quran as a rule book, I see it as a guide of life. And everything in Islam is beneficial, very beneficial.

Islam is Good for Me

I was concerned that I wouldn’t be a good Muslim that I’d go back to drinking… But the thing is I met Bashir. He kind of gave me that support.

It wasn’t like he just come to the Shahadah with me and then he just left me behind. He’s still with me now, he still rings me now, he’s still giving me support now.

Obviously when I first took my Shahadah I had my doubts, and everyone will have the doubts, but once you find the love for God and you find the love for the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) things change in your life. A light opens up, you know. You’ve got to go in, and you’ve got to work hard at it.

If you want something, you’ve got to work hard for it. And I’ve worked really hard this last year, and now I’m seeing the benefits. You know, when I’m praying, I’m feeling it. So this stuff makes me proud of myself as well, and it’s brought a sense of happiness to me.

It’s opened other doors, like my dad is more understanding about Islam now as well. And he knows that it’s not what he heard about. And to this day it’s the best thing I’ve ever done.

Advice

Believe in your heart. Go with your heart because that’s where you’ll find your happiness and your peace. Don’t be afraid. There are people out there that will help you, and you’ve got a lot of support.

We’re all together as one. And if you are looking into Islam and you need some support, open up to people, speak to people, because if you don’t speak then you’ll never know.


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