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Dreaming of Inner Peace

A Guatemalese Journey to Islam

Dreaming of Inner Peace
The inner peace I have been looking for all my life, right here in my heart. Things are clear now. And there you go; I am a Muslimah now and forever.

I guess that everything started like 4 years ago. I had the opportunity to go to Washington DC.

There I had lots of Muslims friends. They were so nice with me and we always had discussions about Islam, and they said all the time “I am not forcing you to become Muslim I am just telling you.”

But at that time I did not pay too much attention. Inside I was thinking:

“Oh my God! They are so wrong!”

I must tell you that I was born in a Christian Protestant home, I mean they believe in Trinity; my grandma was a pastor who preaches in the church and also my uncle just got his diploma; he had studied to be a pastor for 4 years.

So imagine, it was kind of tough for me to believe what I was hearing. Also I taught Sunday school at church to kids; I love kids, by the way.

Some time later I came back to Guatemala and I met a good friend from Algeria (on the net through a chat). We became very good friends. We talked all the time about Islam. I realized that Christians got lost with words.

In the Old Testament (the Bible is divided into two parts Old and New testament), God says that there is just one God, yesterday, today and tomorrow, and there will be a Messiah, but he can’t be worshiped, because God doesn’t change ever.

Then I began a research about Islam on the net. I started to read a lot of nice things about it and realized that Jesus never asked people to worship him but he called to the worship of One God.

I tried last year to fast in Ramadan, not in a very good way, but even though, it gave me so much peace. And there you go, I got very interested in Islam. Then I got into a yahoo group, I met a guy there and we became friends and we started talking about Islam. 

Some time later I got into www.islamenlinea.com and I read it a lot and I left a sign, like a message on the site, and then a guy from El Salvador (the country next to Guatemala, where I am from) sent me a cool document about Islam and I read it and I got even more confused and sad, because I felt I had been living in a huge lie all this time.

By that time I was still in touch with the guy I met in the Yahoo group and I asked him lots of stuff about Islam and he sent me lots of emails about Islam. Then he introduced me to his brother, another cool guy that helped me a lot.

Some time later, they introduced me to a girl, so I could feel more comfortable talking. We had lots of nice meetings and they were so patient with me. God bless them. By this time I was choosing already my Muslim name but I had not converted yet, as you know a huge part of Latin culture is about parties, drinking, dancing, etc. so I didn’t want to convert as I was still doing all these things, and I said, when I leave all this I will become Muslim. 

One day, don’t ask me why, I went to a library and I bought the Quran. I was so happy. Some time later I went to have coffee with my best friend and I was telling her how cool it feels to follow the Islam “Philosophy” and that I was thinking about converting, and she was like: “You’re crazy.”

That night, I had a weird dream. It was me and the same friend. We were in a huge building on a high floor and we were sitting on a white couch. In front of us there was a huge light coming from a window, and I asked her to come with me to have a look outside. She was afraid and I encouraged her to come with me.

After some time, she finally accepted to come. Then we saw that the city was empty, we didn’t know the place though; and the buildings in front of us were dirty and old and I told her: “Look, that’s why we can’t go down there, it is so dangerous and desolated.”

Then we started to feel a presence of somebody there. And there you go; there was a guy with a whip. We freaked out. My friend got so scared and she started to bust off, like going back, trying to hide and she moved her shoulders as if telling me that she was so scared and she will leave the place. At the same time the guy told me:

“Ok, now that you say that you know the truth (in a mocking way) ask your God to help you now from this one.”

I got so weak in the dream. I couldn’t even move or talk. I was paralyzed, I couldn’t do anything! And I thought, ok so far, what has worked out for me was asking help from Jesus, so I started on to pray to him and I felt that I became stronger.

But at the same time, I started to go down in the building and everything became dark also, and the face of the guy got pleased while I was praying to Jesus, until he (the guy with the whip) disappeared.

I woke up sweating and very scared. The very next day I talked to my friend, one of the brother’s, and he told me that I better convert as soon as I can; as that was something that was trying to get me away from the right path, and I was like, I don’t think so. I mean Jesus helped me again in my dream.

Then I talked with another friend, who is Catholic, about the dream and she told me:

“Hmm what I think is that you are confused inside and you have to find that inner peace. Ask God to help you.”

But the more I was telling my friends the dream, the more I was hearing myself and figuring things out. So I was thinking about it and reading the mails and all those wise writings.

Then my head got clear and I thought, ok I was getting to the point then the dream came up and I came back to my research too. But still, I was thinking, no there is a guy that I like, and I am looking forward to going out with him and going to parties, etc. I was like, no later on; for now it is good to me just to read about Islam.

In another Islamic yahoo group, there was a sister, Dina Stova, and I love all her posts, and she sent a mail that read “The way to Happiness I”. Then I got number III, but I didn’t get number II. So, I sent her a mail asking for it and she wrote me back and added me to her messenger list and when I came back from school, she was there. But something weird happened to me that day though.

I had a bad day since it was a hot day and I felt so tired. I was in a bad mood all day long. Then when I got home, and got online and found Dina there, we started talking and she asked me:

“Why don’t you convert now?”, I was like, no I don’t think so, and I told her why, I was looking for excuses, and she told me: “Sister, Islam is a religion of tolerance, so step by step”.

Those wise words made a click on my head. Then I told her, ok I want to convert, and I said:

Ashaduala la ilaha illah Allaah wa ashadu ana Muhammad Rasulullaah.

Immediately I had peace. The inner peace I have been looking for all my life, right here in my heart. Things are clear now. And there you go; I am a Muslimah now and forever. I am a bit worried about my family now, I want them to convert also, but Allah is with me and I hope that I am going to talk in the right moment, so they can receive the message, and not to block it off.

My life has been very nice Alhamdullilah, I have the inner peace I mentioned before that I was looking for. I can tell I used to be a person with an empty soul, now I can say I am full of love, patience, tolerance and I am a happy person, alhamdullilah.

My family hasn’t taken it very well. My brother didn’t talk to me for a year, as he was very upset about my conversion. But, Subhanallah! He had said his Shahadah on October 16, 2007.


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