Assalam alaykum. I am 25 and wanting to get married. I do get marriage proposals, Alhamdulillah but most of the time I end up not liking them. But there is this proposal I got recently, I like the guy, I think he is okay and he meets most of my requirements but he has acne skin condition which I also have. The problem is I learned acne can be genetic at times which I believe with both of suffering from this condition, it can easily predispose our kids to it and I seriously don't want my kids to suffer from acne. Another one is that I don't want us to be that couple that suffers from the same skin condition because people can be really insensitive. I need advice on what to do. Am I being silly for thinking like this? Jazak Allahu khayran for always helping.
Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,
Masha Allah, you want to get married and you have had some proposals which is a good sign. The fact that you found someone who meets your requirements is great, as many have a hard time meeting someone who does.
The most important thing for you to consider in this situation is what is most important to you. Is it the way he looks? Or his character and spirituality? Which will be more important for your future and what will be me influential on potential future children?
Of course, you want someone who will be a good hub and a good father. I’m not sure whether acne really is genetic or not, but you should consider whether you would rather raise pious, well-mannered children who have a loving father, but may develop acne, or, would you rather have beautiful looking children that have a father with less than favourable characteristics that may be influenced by bad characteristic in their fathers personality.
Likewise, with your marriage, ask yourself if his appearance will really be a negative thing in your relationship. Is it not more important that he is a good, caring husband regardless of how he looks.
Also consider how you view other people. Do you judge a person by the way they look? Do you think any less of them if they loom physically different?
See the acne as a test. Remember that Allah will not judge a person based on the way they look, but instead on their character and piety. This character and piety will as well have a more profound effect on a positive relationship with you as well as any children in the future.
You can also consider the benefits of his situation. People who tall to him and befriend him will be doing so because they like him as a person. They are not judging his appearance, but his personality. This means that it is more likely that he has good friends that are more committed to him as a person than anything else. This would be reassuring to you in the capacity of a wife both that he is with good people and that he is not being discriminated again by others which will be better for his psychological wellbeing.
Aside from these considerations, you can make regular istikhara that Allah will guide you to make the best decision regarding this proposal and others. If this marriage is mentally to be then Allah will make it happen and soften your heart towards him and if it is not, then he will close your heart to it and place obstacles in the way, opening other opportunities.
May Allah guide you and grant you a righteous spouse when the time is right.