Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,
Being a parent comes with many tests and it seems that the tests children present with change depending on their age. It is common when children enter teenage years for them to exhibit difficulties such as bad language ad disobedience. This is a problem that many parents of teenagers face as they pass through this stage in life
As children enter the teenage years it is important for parents to understand the struggles that they face also to help us to understand why they seem to behave it such terrible ways at this age.
For a start, they are going through many hormonal changes which will naturally have an effect on their mood. As they enter into the early stages of adulthood they are suddenly faced with the daunting prospect of becoming a responsible adult and all the changes that occur in the transition from childhood to adulthood and the anxieties that accompany this.
Different people will deal with such anxieties in different ways, often becoming quite resistant and disobedient as a means to exhibit a sense of control over something that they have so little control over.
Firstly, understanding this can help to realize why they behave in such a way in response to the changes that they are struggling with. There are some other this you can think about in order to help them and yourself during this difficult time. As their parent, unfortunately, you will be the first target as they know that you will love them unconditionally regardless of how they treat you and therefore you become an easy target to vent their frustrations.
Continue to be a positive role model in their lives, openly practicing Islam in their presence and inviting them to join you in prayer, reading Qur’an..etc. This can be a means to bring them closer to Allah as well as strengthen binds with them in mutual activities. As they get closer to Allah and the teachings of Islam they will also come to learn the importance of respecting ones parents in Islam.
In addition to this encourage good family relationships and do things together as a family. This will help to strengthen bonds between you doing something fun and enjoyable together in an atmosphere that is less likely to encourage any friction. This might be that you organize something together once a week or once a month at least. This will give you a chance to talk together and interact relating to something aside from those things that might typically cause problems around the home.
You might also have someone like an elder that you know they respect very well speak either directly or indirectly about the situation depending on how well you feel they would respond. If it is possible that they can address the issue directly, then they will address their behaviour with you and correct them in it.
Alternatively, they may take a more indirect approach and simply highlight the importance of kindness to parents without directly mentioning how you feel right now. Sometimes in the midst of all the changes they are going through teenage children fail to see how disrespectful they are being to their own parents and need to be told by someone else. Furthermore, this let’s them know that there are others out there supporting you also.
In the meantime, it is important that they are not allowed to continue without such behaviour without being told that it is unacceptable, otherwise, they will continue to behave this way thinking that it is ok. They may even take this disrespectful behaviour outside of the home and treat others this way also, which will be harder to break free from. Continue to be firm in letting them know that their attitude is not ok alongside taking the positive steps outlined above also so stroke a balance between building positive relations whilst extinguishing bad attitudes toward you.
May Allah guide your children on the straight path and make them the coolness of your eyes.