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Nurture Your Mental Health

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Wednesday, Jun. 21, 2017 | 13:00 - 15:00 GMT

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Asalaam alaikum. Firstly, Ramadan Mubarak! I hope the Ramadan month brings many blessing to the team at About Islam. I am a follower on twitter and I love the articles you send me, and I can see the hard work that goes into each one. I have recently been reading about assertiveness. I have come across conflict resolution and creating boundaries to deal with the unacceptable behavior of others, and I'm wondering how do you resolve conflict in Islam with difficult people and set boundaries with individuals who behave inappropriately? Thank you.



Wa alaikum Salaam,

This is an excellent question that unfortunately in today’s climate we need to be aware of. Fortunately, there are many solutions available in Islam to help us better deal with difficult people and set boundaries with those who behave inappropriately.

– Repel that which is evil with that which is better. Rather than retaliating and fighting back with people, we are advised by Allah to return a bad gesture or act with something that is better. This could even be as simple as remaining silent. Arguing back with someone or aggressively trying to enforce boundaries can only lead to conflict and feelings of disrespect. A calm a respectful approach means the other party are more likely to comply with your instructions as well as have more respect towards you. If they see your calm response, this will help them to calm down too and behave more appropriately.

– Be patient. If someone is not doing anything haram or against Islam then there is no need to get upset or angry about it.

– Make du’a for them. If someone is behaving inappropriately, the one who can guide them more effectively than anyone is Allah. You might not be able to guide them to appropriate behaviour, but Allah can.

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– Gently advise them. If the person is doing something haram or unacceptable, you can gently advise them on the matter without doing so aggressively. They are more likely to respond to you if you are gentle about it. Perhaps they don’t even realise they are pushing boundaries or being inappropriate.

– Leave them to Allah. If they don’t respond to your gentle advice, then leave them to Allah. If they are doing something wrong, then nothing you can do is going to more punishing than what Allah can do.

– Don’t get angry. If you get angry with the person you’re more likely to say or do things that you might later regret. Instead do wudu, sit or lie down, or simply walk away.

– Control your tongue. This is one of the organs of the human body that our Prophet (SAW) advised us to control. There can be terrible consequences that come out of saying bad things about or to others. When in a state of anger or upset we often tend to say things that are hurtful and out of character and you might later regret the words you uttered at such times.

– Don’t judge them. It may be that there is a rational reason for their behaviour that you are unaware of. It may be that they are going through a difficult time and are actually in need of support. Alternately, they might not realise that they are pushing boundaries or behaving inappropriately.

May Allah guide us all to maintain boundaries and observe appropriate behaviour in the light of Islam. May He also guide us to respond to these situations in ways that are compatible with Ilsma and most pleasing To Allah.


I am a student of the medical college, in the final year. I am 28 years old. I am suffering from the psychiatric problem of Bipolar for a couple of years. I have been on treatment for 4 years. In the first 3 years, I have taken treatment for depression as diagnosed by a physician. I was fine, but for a year since beginning to take the treatment of bipolar disorder my faith is in a worse condition. I try to listen to a lot of Quran and Islamic lectures to nurture my faith, but there are moments when I suddenly feel myself an atheist. I want to increase my iman because I know that I will find the peace in Islam, but my mind requires the fact of the existence of Allah. I know everything about Islam that is required but has very little faith. I will give my whole life and my whole income for Islam. please help me.



Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,

We all struggle with our levels of iman at times, especially when we face other challenges. In your case, you have bipolar disorder which can place added challenges on you daily life. Masha Allah, for a while you were responding well to treatment, but now you feel like your faith is not in the best position. This concerns you because you want to be entirely committed to Islam.

The good news is that you have already taken the first steps; you have recognised that you have a problem, you are prepared to change and you are seeking help to do so. This places you in a very strong position to make the changes that you desire successfully. There a number of ways you can do this.

– Continue to make du’a, ask Allah to guide you. Keep on top of your obligatory duties and gradually increase your voluntary duties too;
– spend more time reading the qur’an,
– engage in dhikr
– study Islam,
– offer voluntary prayers,
– give in sadaqah, and
– fast.

– Not all at once otherwise you might become over-burdened and lose motivation. Instead, increase engagement in these things bit by bit at a pace you know you can manage. However you approach these things, just try to make sure you keep it regular, for example, even if you can only read your Qur’an for 5 minutes a day, try to make sure that you make this a daily habit.

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– Remember Allah in everything you do. Say bismillah before everything you do. This will remind you of Allah at all times, keeping Him constantly in mind. Being constantly aware of Allah will encourage you to always strive to behave in a way that is pleasing to Him.

– Seek refuge from Shaytaan doesn’t like when people are close to Allah, or trying to get close to Allah so we do all he can to distract you from Allah. Seeking refuge with Allah from Shaytaan and making all the necessary du’a will help you to be strong against such distractions.

– Be in the company of other good, practising Muslims will not only be good for you psychologically, but will again, help to keep Allah in your mind more frequently. It is also a chance for you to gain further knowledge in Islam from others who are also striving for the same goals as you.

– Always keep your ultimate goal of pleasing Allah and attaining Jannah in mind. This will help to keep you motivated to maintain and increase your acts of worship and Allah consciousness.

– Be patient, big changes won’t happen overnight, it will take time and perseverance, and you may well relapse – we all do, but simply being aware of this can help reassure you.

In sha Allah, remembering to do these things will help to bring you closer to Allah. In fact, all of these practises have an added bonus that could be good in your personal situation. These are all acts that can also help with your symptoms of bipolar also. Easing the symptoms that’s you experience with bipolar like this will also have the knock-on effect of placing you in a position where it will be a lot easier to draw closer to Allah.

May Allah grant you good health and bring you happiness and contentment in His remembrance.


As-Salamu Alaikum dear scholars. I am facing the same problem faced by many Muslim women that are still being single after the age of 30. I understand that everything has been decreed by Allah and we need to keep being patient. But the problem is that my faith and patience level is not stable when thinking about my problem. I feel so much burden and keep trying to remember Allah as much as I can. It is also very hurting when people around keep asking about marriage and look down at us who are still not married. Sometimes I just feel that I shouldn't hope for something which is not sure at all and make a decision that I won’t get married at all. I seek your kind advice to make me keep going on the road that leads to Allah. Thank You.



Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,

This can be a very distressing situation for people to face, especially for women due to our biological clocks, but, like you say, you are not alone, there are many women also in the same situation. However, there are many reasons why we desire to get married as well as it being something recommended and regarded so highly in Islam. There are a few things that you can consider in your situation that made give you an alternative perspective or encourage you to think about things that you have perhaps overlooked due to you heavy focus on the matter.

– Ask yourself if you are being too fussy. Have you received offers but are turning them down? If so, remember the most important things in a spouse, in particular, a man of strong faith is the most desirable trait. Most of the other stuff you will come to love after time together anyway. At least if his he is a pious man you can be confident that you will be treated in the respectful way that you probably desire. That’s not to say that you should just marry anyone without consideration, but broaden your horizons and be more open to different kinds of people.

– Are you actively searching? You can’t always just rely on someone coming to you with a proposal. Instead, let friends and family know you are searching and they can put the word out. You could even get the message to your local imam who will know of any single brothers seeking marriage also.

– Make du’a. Allah loves to answer people’s prayers. If you are not asking then He might not give you, so continue to be persistent asking Allah to guide you towards marriage.
– Be patient. This is easy to say, but difficult to do when you feel like you have been waiting forever. Be confident that Allah will answer you when the time is right, and He is the best of planners.

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– Never give up hope. If you continue to pray and stay firm in faith, Allah will find a way. Never give up hope on Allah.

– Allah is the best of planners. Maybe the right man for you did not cross your path yet because Allah is waiting until the moment that is right for you.

– Constantly thinking about it and stressing about it will only make things more difficult for you. Making it into a burden and constantly on your mind is not healthy. Therefore, keep busy in other meaningful and productive things also, so this does not become your constant focus. You have clearly said that you constantly focus on it, and it is effecting your faith, so this is something particularly important for you to consider.

May Allah give you the strength and patience to endure your difficulties. May He soon grant you a spouse that will be the coolness of your eyes.


It has been almost a year since I converted to Islam and until now my parents do not know about it. How can I tell them that I am now a Muslim? Note: my parents are Christians and my dad does not like Muslims. in fact he always tells me not to marry a Muslim lady....so this have always battled my mind because if I should tell him he may not pay attention to me anymore like paying my school fees. I am still a student and am still living with them. Please help me out.



As-Salamu ‘Alaikum wa Rahmatulahi wa Barakatuh,

Ma sha‘ Allah, Allah (swt) has guided you to the straight path. Alhamdulilah, what a beautiful blessing. However, for many people like yourself, as well as being a blessed process, it also comes with many challenges also, one of which being telling the family. This is especially difficult when the family are against Islam. The biggest challenge usually lies within telling the parents because it comes with a number of emotions like the ones you are facing. We love our parents very dearly, they raised us, and deserve our respect and we do not want to let them down, but at the same time you have made a big change in your life and having a relationship with them without telling them might come with as many challenges as telling them. You might feel guilty for keeping a secret from them or like you have let them down.

At this stage, it is likely that your thoughts are all over the place as you ponder what to do and how to do it.

The first step you might consider taking therefore is to sit and think about your options. What can you do now? You could just come out and tell them straight out, you could hide it from them, you could take a more gradual approach, by beginning to talk about Islam a bit casually at first In passing conversation, perhaps introducing a Muslim friend (so that they see that not all Muslims are bad and you are in good company).

The next step is to weigh up the pros and cons of each of these options. You might write it down so you can visually see the options laid next to each other and think about them more clearly. What are the possible outcomes of each options? Knowing your parents, what is the most likely outcome? What will be the worst case scenario? Put it away and come back to it again after a few days. Maybe you’ve had more thoughts on the issue that you think need considering also. To help you make decision, think about what is most important to you and what will Allah be most pleased with. Keeping this in mind as you weigh up your options will make it a lot easier to come to a clear conclusion.

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Give it time to think about which decision is the best to take rather than jumping in which a decision that you didn’t spend much time thinking about. This way you can be more confident that you made the best decision with much thought and are less likely to regret your choices.
Whilst doing this continue to pray istikhara. Ask Allah to guide you to make the best decision. This way you can relaxing knowing that Allah will ultimately push you on the best path for you and guide you to make the best choice.

May guide you to make the decision that is best for you and your family and most pleasing to Him. May He guide you and your parents on the straight path and bring peace and happiness in your lives.


I have been diagnosed with anxiety bipolar and schizophrenia affective. I hear voices that drive me crazy. What should I do according to the Qur'an? Also the meds they have put me on: what do I do during Ramadan? I'm supposed to take them in the morning and before bed. Thank you.



As-Salamu ‘Alaikum wa Rahmatulahi wa Barakatuh,

I’m not in a position to offer you any advice from a scholarly perspective here as such, but I can support you in suggesting ways in which you can manage your situation.

Hearing voices can be incredibly distressing. They can distract you from doing all the things that you would usually do or that you want to do, which then only increases the amount of distress that you endure as a result of the voices. There a few things you can try to help you with the voices.

– Listen to the Qur’an. Some people who hear voices prefer to do so through earphones. This can serve several purposes at once. It can help to block out the sound of the voices as well as the physiological effects of inducing the relaxation response which will be useful for your anxiety too and just general well-being.

– Keep busy. This will also help to distract you from the voices. Take up a new hobby, or learn something new. This will keep you active doing something positive. This will also help to generally boost your wellbeing also. These things will give you an element of control over your voices and can feel very empowering you to find ways to not give the voices so much power over you.

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– Notice if there is anything in particular that seems to trigger your voices and focus on overcoming this. For example, if they seem to be worse as a result of a lack of sleep, then try to develop a healthy sleep pattern so that you get sufficient sleep. If they seem to have been triggered by a more major psychological disturbance such as abuse or bereavement, then you can seek counseling to tackle these issues.

– Join a social support network. Being with others who are or have experienced the same can feel very comforting. This way you will not feel alone, be with others who are going through the same and you might be able to pick up some tips from others about how they manage their own voices.

– Make dua. Many people, regardless of their religion from the comfort from spiritual engagement. We know Allah loves to answer prayers, so make sure to ask him to bring you ease at this time and be confident that he will hear you and respond when the time is right.

Regarding fasting during Ramadan, if you doctor has prescribed you medication to manage your disorders and it requires that you take them during the day and night, then if it’s possible that you can manage that around fasting then you could give it a go, but if it is causing you any kind of hardship then you can end your fast. Allah does not place a burden on us greater than we can bare. Allah is the most Merciful and does not want to make things difficult for us. It may be any way that given the long fasting days this year that you are unable to take your medication at equal intervals anyway, in which case you would be unable to fast whilst taking them. Most importantly, Allah exempts people who are ill or not in a sound mind from fasting anyway.

May Allah grant you ease during these difficult times and give you the strength to manage your difficulties effectively.