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New Year – New Solutions (Counseling Session)

Salamu ‘alaikum dear brothers and sisters,

We would like to thank you for joining us in this Counseling Live Session.

We would like also to thank our counselor, sister Aisha for answering the questions.

Please scroll down to read the answers to the questions below.

Feel free to contact us and send your questions anytime to:

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[email protected]

Thursday, Jan. 04, 2018 | 09:00 - 11:00 GMT

Session is over.
DISCLAIMER
Views expressed by hosts/guests on this program (live dialogue, Facebook sessions, etc.) are their own and their appearance on the program does not imply an endorsement of them or any entity they represent.  

I am 43 years old with no child.this is my second marriage and my husband is 53 and has very low sperm count.I have been longing for a child for 17 years.I am losing my emaan.I don't pray any more.I want to die.I hate my husband too but I am stuck with him.



As salamu alaykum dear sister,

 

Shokran for writing to our live session with your feelings and issues.  I am sad to hear of your situation regarding conceiving a child.  While I do not know how long you were married the first time, or why you did not have a child then, I can assure you are able to conceive and that at this point it is your husband’s low sperm count that is possibly slowing things down.

 

Sister, I do not know how long you and your current husband have been married and trying to conceive but I do know that couples who are very stressed out do have issues conceiving.  “Recent research tells us that stress boosts levels of stress hormones, such as adrenaline, catecholamines, and cortisol, which can inhibit the release of the body’s main hormone, GnRH (gonadotropin releasing hormone), which is responsible for the release of sex hormones. Subsequently, this may suppress ovulation in women, reduce sperm count in men and lower libido in both women and men”. Not only has research confirmed a link between stress and inability to conceive, I have also seen wherein my auntie and uncle were trying to conceive for 20 years and were very stressed out and upset because they did not.  They decided to give up and adopt, and when they did she got pregnant.  The same thing happened to my mom’s friend who was around your age.  As soon as she and her husband stopped “trying” and just focused on loving each other and accepting life as a couple with no children, she got pregnant.  So while your husband may have a low sperm count, it may be the anxiety and stress that you (and him) are going through that is contributing to it.

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Sister, you sound very angry at your husband, especially when you stated you hate him and want to die.  I am not sure how he is feeling with all this anger but I would kindly suggest dear sister that you get counseling on a regular basis to help you deal with these emotions.  Should you get pregnant, it will not be good for the baby to be around negativity thus I do encourage you to deal with it now before you do conceive. Also, Should you seriously feel suicidal sister, please do tell someone and call the suicide hotline for help. If this is not in your area dear sister, please do get the number to one which is, or ask your counselor when you go for counseling insha’Allah.

 

Lastly dear sister, please do connect with the sisters at the Masjid for support and friendship.  Take some Islamic classes.  Try to take time to socialize, go out for lunch, tea or walks with sisters you are close with.  Our sisters are a great support.   Engage in exercise and stress reduction techniques to help calm your mind and body as well as increase your feelings of happiness.   Insha’Allah sister, try to work very hard on recharging your iman.  I can imagine it is most difficult right now and often with crises in life, we can get depressed and lose part of our iman.  You are not alone.  What is most important right now, is to draw close to Allah swt through prayer, dhkzir, reading Qur’an as well as re-developing your trust in Him as your creator.  Allah does love you sister and is waiting for you to pour your heart out to Him…who created you and wishes for you to be happy.  Allah has blessed you with many things sister, please try to also look at your blessings insha’Allah.  Make a list if you need to.

 

Whatever the outcome is concerning having a child, it is already written by Allah and Allah is most merciful.  You may get many children, or you may have none.  Only Allah knows.  There are many childless couples who are very happy and they still love and serve Allah swt, grateful for the blessings they do have.  Insha’Allah sister you will change your mindset to renew and strengthen your love not only for your husband, for Allah but for yourself as well.   Allah loves you sister, and you are precious to Him.  You are in our prayers.


Assalam walaikum. Hello im from india and im studying in college.past 3 months i have a problem that like evil thoughts like will i suicide myself or kill myself like that i dont know why i get that i was to helpless and i started offering salah even though it is not going out of me plss plss help.me.out of this... im.begging u



as salamu alaykum dear sister,

 

Shokran for writing to us and trusting us with your question and feelings.  I am sad to hear you are going through this.  May Allah grant you ease and mercy my dear sister.  I am wondering a few things sister, is this your first time away from home?  Has anything traumatic happened to you in the past or recently?  Have you ever had these feelings before?  Do you suffer from anxiety or panic attacks?  Do you have other unwanted intrusive thoughts?   Do you have friends there whom you can talk to?

 

Please sister, start a journal and answer these questions with great thought.  They are important keys as to why this might be happening.  Please also note how long these thoughts last, and if there is anything that triggers them.  I would like you to make a contact on paper stating that you promise you will not harm or kill yourself and that if you feel like you might, you will STOP and call someone (chose a close family member/friend) as well as the suicide prevention hotline.

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Additionally, I suggest that you get in contact with a counselor/therapist or doctor there as soon as possible and be seen for an evaluation. While I cannot diagnose you, you may have a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder in which you get reoccurring intrusive thoughts. You may learn more about it here.  What you are going through sister is fairly common as you will see if you read the article I referenced.  Many people experience these thoughts from time to time so you are not alone.  If you do have it and only a therapist/counselor who has evaluated you can diagnose you, it can be treated.  Therefore I do urge you, dear sister, to make an appointment as soon as possible for evaluation (or go to the emergency room if it gets to be too much).  Insha’Allah, start your journal for insight and clarification and call a friend or the hotline if it becomes too much.  When the thoughts do come, you may want to divert them by imagining a big red stop sign and quickly engage in a different activity to redirect the thought, do dzkhir or read Qur’an. Remember sister, Allah loves you, you are not alone and you will get through this.   Please do make an appointment sister and let us know how you are doing.  You are in our prayers.


Salam. My wife and I married in April of this year. She is a US citizen. Right after our marriage, she went back to the US and she applied for my visa from her side. Its been 8 months and there is still no information regarding my Visa status. So I asked my wife to visit me for a few weeks so that we will spend some time together because I cannot go the US but she blatantly refused and says that I should come to the US once and for all. I talk to her every day but I feel like she does not want to live with me and is stalling with the VISA excuse. I asked her this and she remained silent and didn't answer my question. I feel like she just needs a friend to talk to not a husband to spend her life with. I think about this every day and have been depressed due to it. I don't know what to do because she does not want to have an honest conversation regarding this with me because I have tried countless times. Also, note that we have never been intimate this entire time in our marriage. Please help me



as salamu alaykum dear brother,

 

Shokran for writing to our live session.  I am sorry to hear about the difficulties you are having with the visa as well as with your wife in regards to how she is feeling.  Transitioning into a marriage is not always easy and often times it gets more difficult when the husband and wife are apart.    

 

It seems as if there is a communication issue with you and your wife.  I am not sure when her behavior started to change towards you but I know that the immigration process can be a very stressful time for couples.  As far as I know brother, you can go online and check your visa status yourself, though I may be wrong you should have a case number wherein you can keep track of the progress.  There is nothing that your wife can do to speed things up with the visa process as they pretty much have control over it once everything has been submitted unless other things are needed.  I think if your wife just wanted a friend to talk to the brother, she would not have gone to the great lengths of marrying you, she just would have kept you as a friend. However, she did go there and marry you so insha’Allah she does love you.  Perhaps she is getting discouraged over the whole visa process, though 8 months is not considered a real long time for getting a visa.  It does take time.  She may be experiencing fears that it will not go through or fears it could take years and be emotionally withdrawing due to that. Her statement “come to the US once and for all” is a clue that she may be feeling like it will never happen.  Indeed it is a very stressful time for most couples seeking a visa nowadays.

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Also, she may be hearing things now like “oh he just wants you for a green card, he doesn’t really love you, he will leave you once he gets his citizenship” and so forth.  Cruel as it may sound, these things do happen and some unkind person may be telling her this, scaring her.

 

Brother, I kindly suggest that you talk with her expressing your love for her and your support.  Assure her that things will turn out well insha’Allah and that you understand that the visa process is not only stressful but can be lengthy at times.   Try to engage her in what is going on in her life, how is her family, what did she do during the day and so forth.  By not always focusing on the visa every conversation and trying to continue to build with her by asking her about her life and other topics, she may eventually be less silent when it comes to discussing the visa.  When you do engage with her on the topic of visa, you may want to suggest that you both read and share articles on couples going through the visa experience.  Visa Journey is a great forum to check out.  It may help you and your wife by reading other couples experiences as well as sharing yours.  Perhaps she won’t feel so alone or hopeless (if this is what is going on).

 

Brother, she is probably just missing you and wants you there with her now. This is a test and trial for you both to over-come insha’Allah.  Be patient, don’t think the worse, be supportive and empathetic to all she needs to do to get you there as there is massive paperwork as well as grueling interviews as I am sure you know. Make duaa to Allah that He makes this easy for you both.  Pray together, read Qur’an together and build each other up Islamically.  As you know there is a strength and comfort for Muslims seeking refuge and solace in Allah’s love and mercy.  It will also bring you and your wife closer and insha’Allah, strengthen your bond and provide a solid Islamic foundation for your marriage when you do get there.  You are in our prayers brother please let us know how you are doing.

 

 


I am at a very difficult stage in my marriage and it is constantly eating me up inside, I have been married for exactly one year today and from day one my marriage seems to have been going more downhill than up-hill. I can’t help remembering all the bad stuff my wife has said and done to me throughout the year and can’t help feeling this is the nature of her true character and that I am doomed the longer I stay with her. Bottom line, we don’t get on, we both behave as if we are divorced already, both have admitted we are prepared to end the marriage, both families know of our struggles and her betrayals and lies. Heres the story….I meet this girl online in early 2014, after the usual telephone stuff for nearly a year we eventually physically meet in Feb 2015 and would meet on an irregular random basis secretly. Bear in mind me, my family and the girl are praying for our marriage. Eventually in May 2016, marriage talks progress. We agreed on certain things before marriage, however after marriage, she refused to keep the majority of the pact. So we get married (I am 35 and she’s 33 at time of marriage), and we consummate after making dua'z, On Day ONE something makes me check my wife’s phone (on the off chance) and I find 3 months worth of texts and video call recordings with her and some guy she met at work, she had an affair with him up until her mendhi day. I’m heartbroken to pieces, I confront her and also ask her if she’d slept with him and she's begging me holding my feet asking for forgiveness, saying "get a morning after pill if you don’t believe me??". I thought to myself we fought hard and waited a long time, I’ll look forward only so I forgave her thinking "she isn’t going to go back to that workplace again”, boy was I wrong... A few days later she’s missing her parents etc, that upcoming weekend I take her to my in-laws, she’s staying over constantly asking if she can stay longer, So she comes back to Leicester and we find out she is pregnant. So then she’s constantly going back to her parents' house on her own ‘ self-justified lack of care at my in-laws’ basis, constantly complaining to her parents. One day she breaks it to me that she's going back to work in London at her old place (where she met the guy), we argue repeatedly and I mention her affair as I refuse to let her work in London. After I consult my family, they say, “let her go back to her parents' house and work, otherwise, she'll be miserable at home” (my fam don’t know about the affair). I cut a deal with her, saying she can work in London but I expect her back every weekend, she agrees, then guess what she came home once a month. When I would ask when or why she wasn’t coming, all I got in return was attitude and the 'lamest' excuses. we continue to argue, eventually, I gave up on that, I had enough and didn’t trust her anymore. Ramadan 2017 is here.... and guess what, i only got two or three days with her at most out of thirty, yet another heartbreak, although she did come for the Eid for a short time. At this stage none of the medical records had transferred to Leicester yet, So I talk things over with my wife, she says she will join our surgeries after she finishes her 4 month work stint (eligibility for maternity), so a definitive date for her to return back to me is set to be 2nd week of August and guarantees our baby will be born in Leicester (she even says her parents encouraged this too), she even places her hand on Quran, whilst promising/swearing on her life. August comes and there’s still no sign of her registering here in Leicester, after continuous arguments I realized she was indeed having the baby in London. I feel so angry I feel like I’ve been lied to constantly. She's always wanting things her way, arguing with me, pushing me to the limits, her behavior makes me cringe, I don’t know what to do that’s why I just stay quiet. We have our baby on September, Alhamdulillah it’s a girl, would have preferred bringing my baby daughter home to Leicester, during a discussion in the hospital I was shocked to be told by my wife that 'our child is not legally mine' (after prompting her a day later about this she apologises), after discharge we go to her parents, at which point my mother in law picks an argument with me, persisting our baby has her birth certificate registered to the London address so my wife can claim x y z benefits and tax relief etc and I’m arguing for my daughters birth right that it should have her home address on. Argument intensifies in front of her whole family and I’m highlighting the past 10 months of lies which caused me distress), midway through I realize I shouldn’t be arguing so I took all my mother in laws #r#p on the chin. I couldn’t wait to leave this house. We eventually return to Leicester and sign baby and mother up to local surgery. I even had to prompt my wife that I would like a say in naming our child, when she and her mum had already decided. I feel like I have to fight for my rights on my daughter… Anyway due to resentment, bitterness and hate I have for my wife, our relationship is literally zero contact, we are only here for our daughter, we can’t seem to agree on things and I feel like my wife just wants to do what she wants regardless of how it affects marriage, Several times I have tried to talk to her, her responses seem to consist of 'not bothered', 'do whatever you like', ‘I don’t care’ attitudes. She's constantly looking for faults and I’m too busy highlighting the instances where she has hurt me through lies, betrayal, dishonesty and her continuous argumentative approach to me. Intimacy is rare and if there is its speechless, we hardly talk now, its as if we are already divorced. We had an immunisation appointment in Leicester, I’ve booked a day off from work all ready and prepped, my wife goes back to her parents, I say stay one week and come back for our daughters immunisations as I’ve made arrangements, my wife insists on staying for two, the day after I drop them off i receive a text saying "I’ve booked her a appt for her here in London so cancel the other one and book another one 4 weeks from that date for next set of injection" Verbatim...... Do I need to get used to being undermined? I know the mother has more rights on the child than the father and she uses that against me. I feel there’s no respect, no commitment to the marriage, getting her to live with me seems to be a tremendous challenge and I feel I don’t have a say about our child. My family treat her like a princess, whenever my wife’s at home, it’s as if she's the guest, She behaves as if my home isn’t her responsibility at all, she has said to me and quoted me "once you are gone (as in passed away), I have no rights to the house, therefore will leave everyone and Leicester and flee back home with my child"... … personally, I’d like to die with a loving wife by my side please. Quite often she provokes me, its as if she's trying to annoy me so much that I’ll submit to a divorce so she can continue with her life guilt free. I have suggested to her to get more involved in selfless acts (charity) so that it may soften our hearts, let’s go Islamic marriage courses, she isn’t a single bit bothered..,.. Life is very difficult, marriage is very difficult. Life was supposed to get better, happier, instead its a constant everyday battle psychologically. I can't erase it, its traumatic. What’s the point erasing it, something new will pop up, something always has in the past one year. I feel like ending the whole thing and we go our own separate ways, but I remember my daughter, (I’m not ready to have limited access just yet), I pray every day, but I feel I’m not enough for her, its as if I’m her part-time thing, or she just wants to make life difficult. She does not value our marriage. Quite often she said she needs to able to spend at will and be independent". I fear there are bad events around the corner, I worry about my daughter so much... I don’t know what to do.



As salamu alaykum brother,

 

I am so sad to hear how you are feeling regarding your marriage as well as the fact that your wife has not been treating you very well.  I can imagine that when you both got married, you never expected this.  You probably had feelings of great joy and excitement, only for it to be shattered.  From what I understand, she had an affair with a man in London where she worked prior to your marriage.  I can imagine brother that it was very devastating when you found out.  It must have really hurt your heart.  From that point, it appears that she did very little to regain your trust or make efforts to increase your marital closeness.  On the other hand, as you were still in your shock and grief over it perhaps you needed more time to accept, forgive and move on but it seemed as if things progressed swiftly concerning the unraveling of your marriage.  As you stated she kept going to her parents and spent little time with you as well as her returning to her workplace in London (where the guy was) it is quite possible that the child is not yours.  May Allah swt forgive me for saying this, but from what you have said regarding her behavior, her being at her parents  all the time, her not wanting the baby registered as legally yours, as well as her continued defiance and heartlessness concerning the situation, is suspect. I also saw a red flag when you found out about the affair and she ask you if you wanted her to take the “morning after” pill, essentially aborting any pregnancy if there was one.  After all this, she did in fact find out she was pregnant so please forgive me as I am not clear on the time frame.  As you are married one year now and the baby was born in September making her possible conception date right around the time you were married.  I am just surprised that she would suggest the “morning after” pill at that time unless she thought she was pregnant.  Again I may be wrong, Allah forgives me, but insha’Allah this is something to consider as she is trying her best to keep herself and the baby from you.

 

Brother, as you have suggested marital counseling, charity work, and other ways to save your marriage and she has not responded favorably, I would kindly suggest that you ask her one more time.  As Allah does hate divorce, there are instances wherein it cannot be avoided.  It takes two to actively heal a marriage and want it to move forward, not just one.  As you stated, you have been traumatized by all of this and rightly so, it will take time as well for you to trust her again even if she does comply with the marriage counseling.  A good counselor will be able to help you both through this but again, there are a lot of unknowns here brother as well as a lot of pain put into such period of time. You both are at a point wherein you can only express anger, hatred, and disgust to each other.  This obviously is not a good place to be and yes, there will be worse things around the corner as you said if it is not resolved as soon as possible.

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I would kindly suggest that you make istakharra prayer regarding this issue.  Ask Allah swt to show you the truth of all this and the guide you to a right decision.  I would also suggest that you get a paternity test done to see if this is in fact your daughter.  Once this is established you will have rights as a father as well as piece of mind that this is indeed your child.  I also suggest dear brother that you get counseling on a regular basis to help you deal with all the trauma you have been through as well as the help you on the path of healing.   Should you and your wife divorce, or should the child not be yours, I can imagine your grief and depression will increase thus a referral to a counselor is recommended.

 

You stated that you wanted a loving wife by your side till you die-well that is ideal and what most want brother however for right now you must deal with the situation as is which means insha’Allah actively addressing it by asking her one more time to work towards saving the marriage, getting a paternity test to see if the child is yours and deciding whether or not based on these factors, if you want to file for divorce.  The sooner you take steps brother the sooner this will be resolved insha’Alah one way or another.  Insha’Allah may Allah grant you ease.  May Allah bless you with a kind, loving wife brother, whether it is your current wife by change of heart or if it is someone else.  You deserve to be happy, to be loved, respected and treated with kindness. You are in our prayers.


I am in a love relationship with a boy for 5 years. We both wanted to marry each other, but his family had forcefully fixed his marriage with another girl. However, he doesn’t want to marry her. What should we do now? I’m praying day and night for our nikkah. Please tell me what to do, We both are in very trouble. Should my love marry me or another girl whom her mom has already fixed the marriage with? We have a year until their wedding. I want my love to take stand up for us and break his engagement because forcefully no one is going to be happy. Should we take this step according to Islam? Can he break his engagement and marry me? Tell me, what can I do to make his family members understand about our love? How can we convince them to accept our marriage? How to make them understand that forced marriage cannot be done Islamically? Please, help and respond me! JAK



As-Salamu ’Alaykum sister,

 

I can hear the depth of your pain and anguish, dear sister. I can imagine this is breaking your heart. In many cases, arranged marriages work out fine, and in other cases, they do not. As you and this boy already have some kind of relationship (I am hoping it is halal), and you both hoped to marry, this arranged marriage has complicated things.

 

While your friend wants to please his parents, he cannot be forced to marry anyone, nor should he be.  There are many hadiths regarding marriage and how to choose a right spouse. The Prophet said according to this hadith,

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“There is nothing like marriage, for two who love one another.” (Ibn Majah)

and

“A girl came to the Prophet and said: ‘My father married me to his brother’s son so that he might raise his status thereby.’ The Prophet gave her the choice, and she said: ‘I approve of what my father did, but I wanted women to know that their fathers have no right to do that.” (Ibn Majah)

 

 

Islamically, choice of a marriage partner is a right. In order for you and your “friend” to get married, there really is nothing much you can do. He has to do it. It will be up to him to sit with his parents and discuss the fact that he does not want to marry this girl, but he has found someone else whom he wishes to marry. It is between him and his parents right now.

 

The best thing you can do at this point in sha’ Allah is to cut off the relationship with this boy. Explain to him that you do want to marry him, but he needs to address the issue with his parents. Advise him that you wish to marry him and that you will wait (choose a time frame-i.e. 6 months) for him to get his affairs in order with his parents and this arranged marriage situation straightened out. You may want to send him hadiths and verses from the Qur’an to support the fact that marriage should not be forced into Islam so he can share with his parents.

 

Often times, however, cultural practices take the place of Islamic values and guidelines when it comes to marriage. However, ultimately we should follow what is for us in the Qur’an. There is, of course, much wisdom in that guidance. This is especially true if there is a situation that involves a conflict of the heart or mind.

 

Also, as they are his parents, he may feel obligated to marry whom they have for him. However, again, it is his choice who he marries. It will also be his choice if he does choose to address this, or if he will just comply to keep the peace and marry her.

 

In sha’ Allah, sister, give him a time frame and ask him to contact you when things are set for you both to marry so he can approach your parents. It would be at this time, and this time only that you would meet his parents and discuss your intentions.

 

If he does not feel he can do this, there is not much you can do. I kindly suggest sister that you ask him to approach his parents to end the engagement and future marriage to this girl and state his intention to marry you. If needed, provide him with proofs to support his case. Give him a time frame to do this in and cut off the relationship, asking him to let you know when a decision has been reached by him, or a resolution with his parents.

 

Sister, cutting off the relationship right now is important. It will prevent haram from happening as well as start to prepare you for a possible loss if he decides he has to marry her and cannot confront his parents.

 

Additionally, his parents may not respect you if they find out you have been seeing him all along, especially now that he is engaged. Should he successfully plead his case and his parents want to meet you, it would look good for you in a respectable way if they know you two were not in contact. This would also increase their favor towards you, in sha’ Allah.

 

I kindly suggest that in the meantime while you are awaiting a response you busy yourself with positive activities such as going out with your Muslim sisters, going to the gym, taking a course in something that interests you as well as engaging yourself in Islamic community activities such as charity, volunteering and studying. These will serve to raise your spirits; help you stop thinking about him constantly as well as lifting your faith.

 

Make du’aa’ to Allah. For as we know, what is meant for us in this life will not pass us by.

 

We wish you the best. 


Assalamu alaikum. I am female. I feel a more mental connection with members of my own gender. I feel more sympathy for women and have a soft corner for women because they are the victims of torture, harsh treatment, unfairness, misogyny, sexism from distant past to present. I adore members of my gender so much. Is it regarded as partiality & sin? (Please note that I don't hate men but I have annoyance for some men's attitude of misogyny & belittling women. And I am against any bad things done by whether male or female. So I hope you won't misunderstand me. I do not have homosexual desires.



As salamu alaykum sister,

 

You seem like a very aware, conscious and compassionate young lady. Your ability to connect with and feel for women is a wonderful attribute. While as women, we form close bonds of sisterhood with other women, it seems you are very much aware of the conditions in which some women have had to live and continue to live in throughout history.

 

It is no secret that as women, we have suffered many trials in the way of abuse, rape, torture, oppression, sexism, misogyny and harsh treatment as you have noted. Some women from all over the world have experienced numerous horrors. Your “soft spot” or connection is an appropriate response to some of the inhumane treatment.

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In fact, your concern and connection may make you a good advocate for women in regards to standing up to injustices which women worldwide face. It may even propel you to study counseling, psychology, women’s studies, non-profits, etc. in college in order to develop a career path that would enable you to help-empower women. There are many paths you can explore such as a victim advocate, social justice specialist, international humanitarian, domestic violence therapist, psychologist, social worker, photojournalist, writer, the possibilities are endless.

 

Sister, I would kindly suggest that you view your connection as one that is a gift and perhaps a “calling”– something deep inside your heart which you feel strongly about. Something you wish to see improve, change, or be eradicated. I urge you to in sha’ Allah explore how you may be interested in being part of a process of change or a refuge of hope and guidance to those seeking relief.

 

I am not an Islamic scholar; therefore, I cannot address this as such. However, our beloved Prophet Mohammad said,

 

“A Muslim is a brother of another Muslim, so he should not oppress him, nor should he hand him over to an oppressor. Whoever fulfilled the needs of his brother, Allah will fulfill his needs; whoever brought his (Muslim) brother out of a discomfort, Allah will bring him out of the discomforts of the Day of Resurrection, and whoever screened a Muslim, Allah will screen him on the Day of Resurrection. ” (Bukhari)

 

The Qur’an speaks about oppression stating,

 

“And what is [the matter] with you that you fight not in the cause of Allah and [for] the oppressed among men, women, and children who say, “Our Lord, take us out of this city of oppressive people and appoint for us from Yourself a protector and appoint for us from Yourself a helper?” (4:75)

 

So, as you can see, dear sister, your connection, and feelings are based on a very real and human quality – the desire for justice and end to oppression. Some people have deep feelings about cruelty to animals or saving the environment, children’s rights, prisoner rights and so forth. However, Allah gave you (and many others) a heart that wishes righteousness for women.

 

As a woman, it is easier for you to identify perhaps with the various struggles and injustices that women may go through. This doesn’t mean something is wrong just because you feel deeply towards women. You just need to decide how to channel it proactively. In sha’ Allah you can be of service to the many great needs that exist concerning women worldwide.

 

I would kindly suggest, insha’Allah, that you get involved in some charity work such as volunteering at a domestic violence shelter, volunteering at a female refugee center, or wherever your heart takes you in the community that resonates with your longing to help.

 

Additionally, by exploring possible career paths as illustrated above, you can in a way utilize this compassion and mercy you have for women in a positive way. I am confident that in sha’ Allah once you find the best path for you, you will begin to feel more at ease with your own passions and desires regarding the statuses of women historically as well as in the present. Possibly, if more people felt connections to others as well as “soft spots”. this world may be a less harsh place.

 

We wish you the best, sister,