As salamu alaykum dear brother,
Shokran for writing to our live session. As I understand, you have several concerns. First of all you stated that you were ‘in love” with a celebrity and contacted him (her?) and they responded requesting sexual favors. First of all I am not sure if you meant to write him or her. If it is a him and you are in love with another man yes it is haram in Islam, as Islam forbids homosexuality. However as you described your response to his/her requests as one of shock and feeling as if you are in a delimma then perhaps you are feeling remorse over contactng this person. If this person was a female, no it is not a sin to feel love for her. However as Muslims we are to follow certain guidelines for getting to know another person for marriage. While I do not know the content of what you wrote to this person, it may or may not have been harmless. What is important is how you respond at this point to this person, if you chose to do so at all. Certainly you know that the response you got was most haram, and insha’allah that will act as a warning for you to stay away from this person insha’Allah.
Brother, if you are interested in speaking to a girl for marriage, it would be advisable insha’Allah that you tell her of your interest and ask to speak to her family so you can present yourself as one who is a potential suitor for marriage. You may also ask your parents to do this on your behalf. Also, it is fine to talk to the opposite sex brother. If we did not, how would we know who it is that we plan to marry? I would suggest that anyone who is planning to marry get to know as much as possible about the other person. This can be done in halal ways such as having parents present or others who would act as third party. In this way you both can talk about yourselves, interests, and marriage related questions as well as get to know if there are commonalities upon which you can build upon. The mere fact that two people are Muslim and are attracted to one another for marriage purposes is not enough to base a decision on. We must be able to get to know one another in a general way to ensure that compatiablity is there as well as simiar Islamic values. As you can see, you and the celebrity you thought you loved did not have the same Islamic principles brother. Getting to know a person for marriage in a halal way is also a safeguard. While no, we cannot know everthing, we can usually see if something is amiss.
I would kindly advise brother that you do some deep soul searching to determine what kind of spouse you would like to have. What qualities do you seek in a wife? Perhaps making a list of these qualities will help you insha’Allah to better refine your choices so that you do not end up getting surprised, shocked or otherwise dis-illusioned by someone such as this celebrity. You may want to seriously consider how important is it that you have a wife who loves Allah and seeks to please Him in her thoughts, words, deeds and actions. In other words, someone who loves and fears Allah as you do. Obviouslly, the person you wrote the letter to did not have such fear.
As far as watching ”bad” video’s brother, that is between you and Allah swt. You know it is haram, but you also feel great remorse and guilt over it as you love Allah so much. If you have not repented to Allah yet please do so, and know that Allah loves to forgive. However you must make a conscious effort to not slip back into the things that you asked forgiveness for. We all sin brother and alhumdulilah Allah is so merciful that we can go to him for forgiveness but we also need to work on ourselves daily and strive to be better Muslims. This is the process of self purification and acclimation towards pleasing Allah swt, the Beloved.
Regarding your psychosis and delusions brother, have you seen a therapist? Have you been diagnosed, do you take medication? Are you going for treatment regularily? If not, I would kindly suggest that you do. We all have various ailments and illnesses that we must deal with brother. In your case it is your mental health. As we seek Allah’s help in over-coming various things in this life we must also help ourselves by doing the needed things to get better. For example, someone who is diabetic may need to eat differently, lose weight or go for dialysis in order to get better or manage the diabetes. The same goes for mental health disorders. Whether it is an affliction of the mind, body or spirit, it is encumbant upon us to seek out the treatments that will help us heal in addition to drawing closer to Allah swt through prayer, reading Qur’an, making duaa, doing charitable acts, as well as seeking refuge in Allah.
Please dear brother, do cut off communication with this celebrity, look within yourself to see what it is that you desire from a spouse, seek halal communications in the future and address your mental health issues as soon as possible (or continue with treatment). You are in our prayers, we wish you the best.