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General Counseling Session

Aisha Mohammad
20 June, 2016

 

Dear Brothers/Sisters,

 

We would like to thank you for joining us in this Counseling Live Session.

We would like also to thank our Counselor , Dr. Aisha Mohammed Swan, for answering the questions.

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Please scroll down to read the answers of the questions below.

 

Thursday, Jun. 23, 2016 | 08:00 - 10:00 GMT

Session is over.
DISCLAIMER
Views expressed by hosts/guests on this program (live dialogue, Facebook sessions, etc.) are their own and their appearance on the program does not imply an endorsement of them or any entity they represent.  

As-Salamu 'Alaykum. I've a daughter of 2 years old who has been suckingher right thumb finger. I don't know how to stop her. She removes her finger whenever I tell her to do so, but continues sucking it after few minutes.



As-salamu alaykum,
Thumb sucking is common is children. While many parents do not like it, it is often a habit children drop as they grow older. Kind reminders are helpful, although they may also serve to reinforce the habit as children may start associating thumb sucking with parental interaction. I would kindly suggest sister that at this age, you do not make a big deal of it and reward her with little things when she is not sucking her thumb. Also when she is suckling her thumb replace her thumb-sucking with a soft toy or favorite blanket as thumb-sucking is often a way children self-sooth or relax themselves. The less you make a big deal about it, the sooner she will forget about this habit and transition out of this habit.

As-Salamu 'Alaykum dear counselor. How to avoid stress and anxiety? I have social anxiety; I fear rejection. Once in a while, I get insomnia, too. I realized when I anxiously think if I get sleep or not while lying down at night, I won't get sleep. I am very sensitive and emotional. When someone says hurtful things, I get affected very much and ponder over it. There are problems in my family which have affected me a lot. My father is a schizophrenic patient. I want to be strong, confident, and assertive. Can you tell me how to reduce stress level and anxiety? JazakAllahu Khayran.



As-salamu alaykum,
While you I cannot diagnose you, it does sound as if you have generalized anxiety disorder. I would kindly suggest that you contact a counselor near you to get counseling. Counseling can get to the root of your issues which you have identified in part, as stemming from your family issues and your father’s illness. A counselor can teach you in depth coping skills and ways to manage your stress and anxiety as well as ways to increase your confidence all the way around. For now I would kindly suggest you try deep breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation as well as self-cognitive behavioral therapy. There are excellent resources on line to help you with this and I encourage you to seek them out insha’Allah. The deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation will be of special benefit to your sleeping problems. Please do seek out counseling however to address these problems insha’Allah.
Your in our prayers, please let us know how you are doing.

As-salamu`Alaykum dear counselor, I'm a mother of 2 kids, 12 and 4. My eldest daughter is fasting Ramadan Alhamdulelah , but due to long hours of fasting she can not complete her fasting from dawn to dusk. In the mid-day, she feels tired and breaks her fast. I know she is obligated to fast Ramadan, but I feel pity for her. I need your advice on how to encourage her to bear the burden of fasting to get the blessing of the holy month.



As-Salamu alaykum sister,
While I am not an Islamic Scholar, I do suggest encouraging her with positive reinforcement, kind words, and gentle encouragement. It is difficult at this age and we must guide with patience and love insha’Allah. While she is 12, I am not sure of her maturity level as each child is different, however 12-13 is about the age when children begin fasting. I kindly suggest that when she gets tired, divert her attention with something fun or invigorating that will take her attention off of her fatigue and place it on another interest. You may have to do this many times to condition her mind and body and strengthen her resolve. After Iftar, tell her how proud of her you are and how pleased Allah SWT is with her efforts. Even if she has failed. By reinforcing the positive it will give her a sense of accomplishment and insha’Allah will inspire her to try harder. Pray with your daughter and make duaa to Allah that she becomes use to fasting and becomes able to complete it. Allah is most merciful.
Your in our prayers sister please let us know how you are doing.

As-salamu alaykum,I'm married for 11 years with 3 kids. I had a love story before getting married but my family rejected the man I loved. My husband is a good man but we are not living in harmony (we are different in many ways) and I couldn't develop strong love or affection for him throughout those 11 years and I always remembered the man I loved before. lately, I met him by luck and he expressed his deep love for me and that he didn't forget me at all. I felt as if my soul has suddenly returned to me and now I'm very desperate thinking about my situation as a wife who loves another man rather than her husband.



As salamu alaykum sister,
While feeling love is a very important part of our existence, the fact is you are married and you are the wife of another man. You’re treading on dangerous waters here and I kindly suggest that you pull back from your previous acquaintance with this man before it is too late. I suggest that you do not have any conversations with him nor attempt to see him again.

It is very sad that some parents reject our choice of marriage partners leaving us often to an unfulfilled marriage wherein we cannot bond for whatever reason. However, as you have three children and have been married for 11 years and stated that he is a good man, I would suggest that you try to forget this other man and try to build with your husband. As you stated you have thought about this other man for all these years, this may possibly be one reason you could not bond with your husband-there was another man in your heart and on your mind.

Sister,  try to start your marriage with a new outlook-one that centers around your commonalities rather than your differences. Make duaa to Allah SWT that he help you with your feelings, marriage and bonding. While I know this is not what you want to hear, it is what is prescribed to us as Muslims.

Please do remember that while this other man may be what you think you want, he very well may be everything you despise. The grass is always greener in the other side, but sadly we do not realize it until we are there-and have lost everything.
Your in our prayers sister please let us know how you are doing.

As-salamu alaykum,Me and my husband always fight on financial issues. Sometimes, I feel he wants to control me and my own money according to his needs and desires. I help him in live expenses as I earn a good income but I don't like the ways he looks at it. He feels it's his right to share my money with me although I know Islamic teachings say that a wife's money is her own right and the husband is responsible for all live expenses. Am I right? please advise me on how to handle this issue?



As Salamu alaykum sister,
I’m sorry to hear of the difficulties you are having with your husband. Yes, you are right. While I am not an Islamic scholar, your husband is the one who should be providing for you and your money that you earn is yours. If you chose to share it with him or pay bills, contribute to the household that is a blessing for you, however it is not his entitlement.

I suggest dear sister that you remind him of the Islamically prescribed duties of a husband and wife concerning money issues. If he still persists, I would kindly suggest that you both discuss this issue with your imam, as often times men need reminders from other men, especially imam’s regarding Islamic issues. While this is not intended to humiliate him, it is intended to act as a reminder to him of what rights Allah has given to you as a wife.

Your in our prayers sister please let us know how you are doing.

Dear Counselor, I'm a married woman and I have 4 kids. I'm trying to raise my children Islamically and they are all good Masha'Allah. They are praying and fasting Ramadan, and going to the mosque. The problem is that my husband is not a practicing Muslim. He doesn't pray or fast. I'm afraid his behavior will spoil my kids. Help me what to do?



As salamu alaykum sister,
May Allah reward you for your diligence in teaching your children Islam. It sounds as if they have a solid foundation in their Islamic beliefs as they are praying and fasting. While you did not mention their ages, this is a blessing alhumdulillah.

As far as your husband goes, insha’Allah over time once he sees how Islam has benefited his children as well a his wife, he may insha’Allah begin to practice again. We never know how our actions will affect others so insha’Allah make duaa for your husband that he returns to practicing Islam. As long as you have the children rooted in Islamic activities and friends, insha’Allah they will not be “spoiled” by their father’s lack of practicing and may indeed one day also encourage him in a loving way to practice as well. While nothing is guaranteed, and we are tested in this life, you have given your children a wonderful start by planting the seeds of Islam in their hearts, insha’Allah it will continue to grow.

Make duaa to Allah SWT that they are protected and guided down the right path and are strong enough to not be affected by those around them who do not practice.

Your in our prayers sister please let us know how you are doing.