As Salamu Alaykum sister,

Shokran for writing to our live session.  I am so sorry to hear that the one you loved the most left you to be engaged to another girl.  I can imagine this hurts to the core of your heart.  While I do not know the details of your “relationship” sister or your interactions, I am sure that you know that a relationship with a boy is haram in Islam.  Your hurting heart is one example of why it is!  As you became emotionally involved with him, it hurt you when he just “up and left”.   That was a terrible thing to do on his part and he should be held accountable for that, but if you never got close to him sister, you would have not gotten hurt.  I am not blaming you my dear sister, in fact I am very tired of hearing about boys who do these kinds of things and yet are left off the hook and the blame is only on the girl.  This is not right.  However my dear sister what is done is done and you must go on with your life.  Please do ask Allah swt for forgiveness if you have done anything haram with this boy and make duaa that Allah remove the pain and thoughts of him-the boy, from your heart.

As we are all human as we do tend to slip up, Allah is most merciful and loving sister, He loves to forgive.  Looking back, insha’llah you can see the wisdom in not forming relationships prior to marriage.  A lot of boys sadly do engage in relationships as a way of satisfying their hormones and desires for affirmation as young men (as some girls do too).  However a lot of those boys who do this more than likely do not marry the chosen one of their affections, but will often leave the girl and marry another whom is new to them and/or one whom the family has chosen and families often insist that the child marry the one who they picked out.  This is not always right either, as two people have the right to marry who they chose and they should get to know one another in a halal way as well as get to know each other’s families.

With that said, please do take your time in healing sister.  Be good to yourself, do things that are positive and uplifting, and draw closer to Allah.  I know this hurt, but maybe it was a wake up call for you to examine what it is that you really want in a future husband.  Do you want a husband who dates girls or has relationships?  Or do you want one who is careful about his behavior, respects his future wife and seeks to follow Allah’s commands in regards to honor and kindness?  Surely the boy you had a relationship with was not protecting you nor did he honor you by having a relationship with you and leaving you.  You deserve better than that!  So please dear sister, look at this as a way to draw closer to Allah, to fine tune your deen and to explore what kind of future husband you want.   You will get over the hurt insha’Allah and it will be replaced by increased wisdom, a stronger relationship with Allah and a clearer vision of what “love” is and isn’t.  We wish you the best sister, you are in our prayers.