As salamu alaykum,
Thank you for writing into our live session. I understand that you’re having issues with your 12-year-old son. You have found some online chats and pictures of exchange with male adults wherein your son was pretending to be a girl. You stated that your husband and you talked to him about this and he stated his friends dared him to do this.
You also discovered a couple months later on Snapchat that he posted he’s bisexual. You also found evidence of his liking a male classmate.
Sister, while your son may have feelings of bisexuality, he may be afraid to tell you, thus his saying that it is his friend who dared him, or making up other excuses to avoid how he’s truly feeling.
I will kindly suggest you sit down with him when things are calm. Maybe take him out to lunch or for a walk in the park or somewhere else quiet and undisturbed. Insha’Allah, discuss with him how much you love him, how proud you are of him and maybe share an experience or two about your life when you were his age.
Perhaps it’s best that his father does this so he can relate to him as a man. Once you (or your husband) can gain his trust through communication, insha’Allah he will discuss with what he is going through his mind, how he feels, and what direction he feels his desires are going and why.
While you stated he’s always been friends with girls all his life and is soft-hearted and a bit feminine, this in itself is not a cause for alarm. You do not know if he is bisexual or not. The point right now is to gain his trust so that he will communicate with you how he is truly feeling. What is cause for alarm, however, is his secretiveness, his covering up, and his lying.
We live in a society of an online life. Anything you want to know about is online. Unfortunately, some children get caught up in things that are publicly displayed and get curious.
Insha’Allah, your son must be made aware that what he is doing. It is a dangerous situation. It is dangerous because he could get hooked up on the internet with someone who may hurt him, he is only a child. Please do insha’Allah, try to open up communication with him concerning this topic. To be effective, this would mean not accusing him of anything nor talking to him about how haram bisexuality is at this point.
It would mean putting all that aside for now to ensure his safety. Insha’Allah, help him feel comfortable as well as receptive to what you are saying. Insha’Allah, if he does at this point, you can guide him in regards to matters of Online safety. This is critical as most of his activities to date are on line. You may also want to supervise, limit or eliminate his time online. I know this is hard with teens, but inshaAllah it is to his benefit and safety.
You can later talk to him about Islamic values concerning bisexuality. Right now the big red flag is his age, his immaturity and his willingness to just trust anybody online.He is an easy target for pedophiles. By keeping communication open with your son, you will insha’Allah be able to have a great effect on his current and future decisions and feelings regarding his sexual identity.
Given his age, it could be a passing phase or curiosity or it could not. You will not know until you speak with him. Using a nonjudgmental approach may Insha’Allah, pave the way for an open and honest dialogue. He may at that point, be receptive to your Islamic guidance and advice’s regarding his feelings and choices.
We wish you the best you’re in our prayers