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General Counseling Session

Hannah Morris
12 June, 2016

Thursday, Jun. 16, 2016 | 13:00 - 15:00 GMT

Session is over.
DISCLAIMER
Views expressed by hosts/guests on this program (live dialogue, Facebook sessions, etc.) are their own and their appearance on the program does not imply an endorsement of them or any entity they represent.  

Does Allah's will justify committing sins?



In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

Thank you for your question.

In fact, it’s not clear what you exactly mean by your question.

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All in all, Allah dislikes committing sins and this is why He Almighty rewards those who obey His instructions and may punish those who commit sins.

Though Allah dislikes committing sins and disobedience of His instructions, He forgives those who repent, correct their mistakes, and change to the better. Allah says in the Qur’an,

{Say, “O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.”} (Az-Zumar 39: 53)

May Allah accept your and our good deeds, ameen.

Allah Almighty knows best.

Salaam Alaikum. I have been cheating on my fiancée for the past one year. I have also cheated the other girl as I lied that I did not have a fiancée. This new girl is a non-Muslim. I am out of this illegitimate relationship now. I feel extreme guilt all the time. I can't concentrate on anything. Will Allah ever forgive me? Please help me. I will never ever do such a horrible thing, in sha’ Allah.



As-Salamu ‘Alaikum brother,

Firstly, let me commend you for reaching out for assistance in the matter. We all become weak to some sin or another at some point, but the important thing is repenting and avoiding committing the sin again and in sha Allah, Allah will forgive you. You are aware that what you have done is a sin, you feel guilt for it, and you have repented and promised not to do this act again. This is the first step and the best one in moving forward in this matter.

It is now your responsibility to ensure that you don’t commit the same sin again. Avoiding situations that might potentially lead you to do so will greatly assist you with this. Alhamdulillah, Islam imposes upon us all the etiquettes that will prevent this from happening, such as avoidance of free mixing and lowering the gaze. If you live by these Islamic practises, then you will be unable to fall into this trap of zina again.

Negative consequences, such as guilt, can actually provide a useful protective mechanism against allowing this to happen again. It is a very uncomfortable feeling and will help you to not fall into the same trap again to avoid feeling such terrible feelings again.

May Allah forgive you and make it easy for you to stay clear of situations that lead to such sins in the future.

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Salam,

 

As-Salamu Aleikom wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. I want to become a clinical psychologist, but as I am currently taking classes to achieve this goal, I've began to have doubts about it due to the fact that I'm a very sensitive person. I'm afraid that some cases will really get to me and make me depressed. My question is: what is being a psychologist like (especially, when a person is sensitive)? Are there ways to combat this feeling and still pursue this carrier? JazakAllahu Khayran.



Wa ‘Alaikum Salaam wa Rahmatuahi wa Barakatuh sister,

Ma sha’ Allah, becoming a Clinical Psychologist is an excellent career choice. You are right to be aware of the fact that sometimes cases will get to you. As a Clinical Psychologist, you will meet many people along the way who have been through some very tough times, and naturally, especially if you are sensitive, it will effect you in some way. There are, however, many ways in which you can limit and mange the impact that it has on you.

It is important that you engage in supervision, and sometimes even counselling yourself to deal with any difficult emotions that you experience. As a Clinical Psychologist and when training for the role, this is something that you will be offered on a weekly basis, so you can be sure that you will always be taken care of emotionally and be assisted in managing these emotions. There is a lot of support available during and post training to help manage these sensitivities.

You say you are taking relevant courses as you work towards this goal, but you might also like to take up some work in the field if you have time. This will increase your exposure to the potential scenarios that you will face and help you learn how to manage such emotions more effectively. It will help you to build your resilience around facing the difficult emotions of others as well as be good training for you for your future career. From an Islamic perspective it will also help you to appreciate the good things you have in your own life as you work with those who are in more difficult situations that you have faced and therefore will really give the opportunity to feel grateful for the blessings that Allah has bestowed on you. It will also help you to determine if this is definitely the career you are able and wish to pursue.

There a number of other ways to manage these difficult emotions too, such as separating work from home, actively engaging in self care, maintaining good social ties, having a hobby and most importantly maintaining a strong connection with Allah.

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On the whole, being a Clinical Psychologist is a very rewarding career, but as you are aware, you do have to deal with some very difficult scenarios that others are facing. However, this is a well known fact, and there is plenty of regular support available to help manage these emotions.

May Allah make it easy for you to progress with this very rewarding career choice.

If a father commits a sin of zina (fornication) with his own innocent daughter and hides it from the mother, what should the daughter do? Should she forgive her father or should she tell the truth to her mother while she has been already hurt because she got to know that her husband is going to marry a second wife? Should the daughter still tell her mother what happened? I hope you can give an answer for this question. Thank you.



As-Salamu Alaikum,

This is a very difficult situation for the daughter to be in. As the father’s mahram (guardian), the daughter should feel protected by him, but it seems in this instance her rights have been completely violated. At the same time, however, Islamically we are encouraged to engage in forgiveness. Understandably, there is then the additional worry that exposing this grave sin might cause the mother more hurt than she already faces  as a co-wife. The decision about whether to inform the mother is, therefore, a difficult one.

 

I would suggest going through the two options in more depth before moving forward with a decision. Think about the consequences for all people involved if the mother is told and if she is not. Telling the mother is obviously going to be very distressing for her, given the amount of distress she is already in. But it may serve as protection for the daughter if the family is aware of what the father has done. Alternatively, to keep it a secret will protect the mother from further heartache, but might potentially be damaging to the daughter if the father did not repent for his actions and promise not to do it again. However, if the father has sought forgiveness, then there may be the opportunity to move on from the incident more successfully.

 

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Trust between the father and daughter needs to be repaired and if the daughter does not feel safe around the father, then she may need to move to somewhere where she will be more safe and her own rights protected. Think about the consequences of both possible options and which will be best for the family and  more successful in maintaining the family ties that are such a fundamental part of Islam. Those who know about the incident can get together and discuss between them to ensure the best possible move forward. It is also recommended that you pray Salatul Istikhara that Allah will guide you to make the best decision. Ensure that when you move forward with your decision you are sure about it. Give yourself a bit of time to be sure that you are not just acting on impulse.

 

May Allah help you to make the best decision that will be best for all in your family. May He bring peace within your household.

 

Salam,

 

I need your advice regarding my hot temper. Since my teenage years, I have a had a problem with hot temper. On occassions, I get so angry that I begin to say things I later regret. For example, while driving, I have the tendency to roll down my window and yell at other drivers. I have become extremly concerned about my behavior, especially now during Ramadan. People have told me that by loosing my temper I am invalidating my fast. I have begun visiting the mosque frequently and spending time with other brothers and it has helped a little bit. But what else can you recommend? Please help!



As-Salamu ‘Alaikum brother,

You are right to be concerned about having a hot temper. Having a hot temper can be very destructive for many reasons. It is definitely something you need to work on and it is commendable that you are seeking assistance to help you with this issue. Ma sha’ Allah, you have done a very admirable thing in making a start in helping yourself to overcome this problem by attending the mosque and mixing with good people who will be a positive influence on you. In sha’ Allah, this should really assist you in overcoming your hot temper.

 

There are many other things that you can do to manage a hot temper. Beginning with the Islamic perspective, we are advised that in anger we can do ablution. This almost serves to “extinguish the fire” so to speak. It will also serve as a reminder of Allah which can help to set your mind back on track. You will also then be in a good state to engage in acts of worship. Pray 2 rakats or read the Qur’an for 30 minutes; engage in dhikr to keep your commitment to Allah in mind and find comfort in his words. Furthermore, we are advised by the Prophet (saw) to sit if you are standing and lie if you are sitting when feeling angry.

 

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Additionally, be mindful of your triggers. If there is something in particular that sets of your hot temper, then try your best to avoid being in those situations or if unavoidable then have a plan in mind as to how you will mange your heightened arousal when this event occurs. For example, you are aware that driving can be a trigger for you, so you could try keeping an audio CD of the Qur’an in your car that you can play whilst you are driving to have your mind occupied with something helpful and soothing. If you know your unavoidable triggers, like driving, then before you face these situations make sure you are cool and relaxed. Avoid heading out in your car if there is something bothering you. First tend to what is bothering you. Remember Allah and then head out in a cool state of mind.

May Allah help you to find comfort in remembrance of Him and guide you to overcome your hot temper.

Salam,

As-salamu Alaikum sister, what can one do with anxiety in Ramadan? It is going too fast and I don't feel that I'm good enough in my worshipping. This makes me disappointed and I feel guilty for not seizing this great opportunity as I should.



Wa ‘Alaikum Salaam sister,

It is common to feel this kind of anxiety during Ramadan; you are not alone. Ramadan is a month full of reward, so it encourages us to focus on our worship. It is then natural that people become anxious that they are not doing enough. All is not lost, however; we still have 18 or 19 days to increase our good deeds and acts of worship and benefit from this blessed month.

 

Creating a plan can be an incredibly useful way to get the most of this month. Have yourself a goal in mind and create a plan to achieve it. Some goals people commonly have might be to read a certain amount of the Qur’an, study the Tafsir or a certain surah, or study the Seerah, for example.

 

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Make sure the goal you set yourself is achievable; otherwise, you could cause yourself further undue anxiety.

 

Also, allow yourself a little more time than you might expect to accomplish this goal to account for any potential unforeseen circumstances.

 

Be realistic about what you can achieve. You know yourself better than anyone. Once you have decided on an end goal, break it down into smaller daily portions. For example, if you plan to read 150 pages of the Quran, plan to read 10 pages a day over the next 15 days. Likewise, you might prefer to allocate a certain amount of time each day to read the Quran without worrying about how many pages you read. Try to stick to a regular time each day and protect this time to work towards this goal.

 

Many people find straight after Fajr a very productive time; others prefer other times. Whichever works best for you. Protect this time and do not allow yourself to get busy with other tasks that can wait for later, unless absolutely necessary. Using the same time each day will help to form a healthy habit that you can continue to implement after Ramadan, too.

 

Try putting your plan somewhere you will see, like on the fridge. This will help you to monitor your progress and get a sence of accomplishment as you progress towards your goal. Having it visible will also help you to feel accountable and to increase motivation to achieve each daily task.

 

Also, remember to manage your time around other tasks, such as housework, to ensure you allow yourself plenty of time to accomplish your goals this Ramadan without rushing. In sha’ Allah, this should help to ease your anxieties this Ramadan.

 

May Allah make this Ramadan a productive and successful one for you, full of positive accomplishments.

 

Salam,