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Hannah Morris: Parenting Counseling Session

As-salamu Alaikum Dear brothers and sisters

We would like to thank you for joining us in this Counseling Live Session.

We would like also to thank our counselor, sister Hannah for answering the questions.

The answer will be published very soon

Feel free to contact us and send your questions anytime to:

[email protected]

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The service is completely anonymous!

 

Thursday, Mar. 22, 2018 | 14:00 - 15:00 GMT

Session is over.
DISCLAIMER
Views expressed by hosts/guests on this program (live dialogue, Facebook sessions, etc.) are their own and their appearance on the program does not imply an endorsement of them or any entity they represent.  

Assalamu alailkkum, How many days required to have sex with my husband after my delivery? One of my friends said if I have sex after delivery it will affect your child and they said after 3 months only I should have sex with my husband. Is it true? Will it affect my baby? Advise me how many days have to wait to sex with my husband after delivery?



Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,

There are no prescribed amount of days that you need to wait before you have sex with your husband after delivery. However, it is not permissible to have sex if you are still bleeding. It is possible that women may bleed for up to 2 or 3 months after delivery and this is perhaps why some people say to wait this amount of time.

 

If you have stopped bleeding and 2 or 3 months has not yet passed then there is no harm in having sex. There is no way that it could harm your baby. This might be a cultural argument, but medically and Islamically is not true.

 

If you wish, you should confirm this with a reputable religious scholar who can advise you on this also.

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May Allah make your baby the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.

 


I’m living with my husband in Lahore alone. He is a banker and l have completed my M.phil in chemistry. He is 34 and I’m of 26, married in December 2013 but have no kids yet. Visited number of consultants, gone through a number of painful tests including IUI with no positive result. Now I am much tired, depressed and lonely. What should I do? Should I adopt a kid from my family? Please guide me how to cope with this situation? Jazakallah khair



Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

 

There are many couples who go through fertility issues and undergo much stress as a result. Adopting children can become quite complicated when applying Islamic law, but there is also much hope still in your situation.

 

You are only 26 so still have time on your side with regards to conceiving. It is absolutely a test of patience for you, but in sha Allah it will happen for you when the time is right when Allah says it is time. Many couples will try fruitlessly for many years before they are blessed either a child and more.

 

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Having to wait for it can also be a huge blessing as much as it doesn’t feel like it right now. Think about it, when you have to wait for something, you appreciate it so much more. In addition, the reward will be much greater also.  Allah will reward your patience and endurance for such a great test.

 

At present, it is most important that you take care of yourself in every way if you are to increase your chances of conceiving. The stress you are experiencing now, alone is enough to have negative consequences on your fertility. Do all you can to reduce your stress level, reevaluate your situation as a teat from Allah and be confident that he will answer your prayers at the very best time. Having this mentality will make it much easier to endure the test.

 

In addition to managing your spiritual and psychological health in this way also don’t neglect other aspects of your well-being too. Keep yourself physically well also, eat well, exercise and sleep well. Not only will these things boost your wellbeing by reducing your stress, but will also put your body physically in a more conducive state to conceive. Likewise taking care of your social health by being with others is a not her means to have the same desired effect of reducing stress levels and ensuring a calmer state of mind and wellbeing. It will also provide you with the opportunity to be distracted from the continual thoughts you might be having about the current situation.

 

At the moment, since you are still young these are the ideal ways to manage and cope with your situation. In sha Allah you will conceive in the coming years, but if nothing happens many years down the line then you could look at other options such as adoption if done I line with Islamic principles. For now, however, you still have many options available to you and even with intervention such as IUI it is important to take care of your health it’s various forms in order to boost your chances.

 

May Allah grant you a healthy child when the time is right and may He give you the patience to endure the difficulties until then.

 


As-salamu Alaikum dear counselor, I’m a mother of a 7-year-old daughter and 3-year-old son. My son is getting angry about anything. I mean if he's doing something on his own and can't do it he gets angry and yells hardly. I don't know how to control him; if I hug him he'll hit me and yelling. It starts from when he was 2-year-old. Now, he one day hitting her sister also and if someone asked him lovely how are you or what are you doing he yelled at that person. He's hitting me also but he never does that to his father. Sometimes I really get angry to him but this is what I don't want to do. Please tell me what I can do to control his anger.



Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,

 

Controlling children’s poor behavior can be very difficult and is one of the many tests that come with parenting. Ideally, it is best to try and control their behavior as early as possible before it becomes too much of a habit and therefore more difficult to change in the future. If it is left unattended to for too long they come to think that the bad behavior is ok.

 

In this case, the best place to start is with yourself, especially as your son is only 3. Firstly, work on controlling your behavior towards him. Certainly, his behavior is not ok, but if you lash out at him and get angry back he is then seeing this as normal and expected behavior because that’s what mum does. He sees you getting angry and thinks that is how to behave towards someone when they behave angrily towards you so it is no wonder that he continental behaving in this way.

 

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Remember that you are his role model so he will be paying close attention to your reaction and will copy you closely. Therefore, you should consider responding in a calm manner with him. When he gets angry, return your gesture calmly towards him and come down to his level so that he comes to see this as the way he should be behaving too. If he hears you talking in a calm voice, he is more likely to lower his tone and respond more calmly and respectfully to you too.

 

If it is that you need to take a step away from the situation for a minute or 2 in order to present this calm tone, then do so. Your son will also learn methods to manage his own anger from this too. He will learn from you that a good way to manage his anger is to step away from the situation for a few minutes.

 

When he is in a calmer place, this is the time to talk to him about his behavior, again in a calm voice. Let him know that his angry outbursts are not ok, and hitting people is never ok in any situation. This would be a good time to talk with him about ways to manage his emotions when he is feeling angry. Get him to practice these skills and encourage him to use them when he starts feeling angry. This could be things such as walking away, taking some deep breaths or finding a more healthy distraction. When he uses these skills make sure to reward his behavior so that he comes to utilize these skills more often.

 

There may, however, be times where he is unable to use his skills and does get age and start hitting. Not reprimand him for these actions will only encourage him to do it again as he will continue to think it’s ok. I  this case you might consider asking him to take time out, or taking away his favorite toy for a time and not giving it back until he has apologized or is ready to talk about what he has done.

 

May Allah guide you both and reward your desire to raise a good,  God-fearing child.

 


As-salam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. I need help in dealing with my children. They argue and quarrel with me. I get mad and curse them. How I can stop all this. I need your advice, please! Waasallam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.



Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,

Unfortunately, this is something that most parents go through at some point and is one of the major challenges that comes with parenting. There are however several things you can do to try and minimize the effect of this.

 

First of all being a good role model to them. When people make us angry, it often becomes a natural is a tincture to bite back. This usually only makes the situation worse. Adults are able to tell the difference between right and wrong and know how to respond accordingly.

 

When behaving this way towards children however, they see you as their role model and will come to see your trespassers to them as what is expected behaviour if one feels angry. This will then only lead them to continue with their quarellsome behaviour towards you as you as their parent behave this way towards them and therefore this becomes the only way they come to understand managing the situation. As a result, the first step to take to try and overcome their behaviour is to modify your own to be in line with how you expect them to behave. This might seem quite difficult at first.

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Controlling oneself when feeling mad sure is difficult, but remember that they are paying close attention to you and are learning their social skills from you I  the belief that as their parent, are their role model and will emulate all that you do. If you wish for them to be calm and mild mannered, then you must behave in this way also.

 

In line with this, there is no shame in going back to them at some point later when you’ve cooled down and apologising to them for any irrational and harsh words you may have used. Again, this is a means to teach them how to respond in such situations. If they see you apologising when you are wrong then they too will learn from this and know when to apologise to you if they have done wrong.

 

If you find that in the moment you are having a hard time controlling your anger, then it is advisable to take a break and walk away for a few minutes just to compose yourself and be ready to confront their behaviour in a more rational and calm way that won’t result I you become mad and cursing them. If you speak to them in a calm tone, then they will speak back to you in a calm tone and you are more likely to come to an agreement.

 

At the same time, they do also need to be taught respect. If you are able to calm the mood down enough to talk in the moment then you can teach this in the moment by giving everyone a say and allowing each person to have their voice heard. Of not, you could encourage everyone to take a calm few moments away from each other to compose themselves and then come back ready to take turns in have g their say.

 

No one likes to not have their voice heard and therefore simply allowing each person to express their feelings without being interrupted can be enough to prevent arguments. When everyone tried to talk at once no one can express their points clearly and no one’s voice is heard or acted on and things only become more and more heated. If things heat up again, then again, pause the conversation until everyone is quiet and try again.

 

If things still remain unstable then you can consider reprimand them in the way you see fit, for example, removing privileges for a time to allow them the space to think a out their disrespectful behaviour and be prepared to talk more calmly and respectfully.

 

Overall, the key is to try and meet them half way and be a good role model before taking more firm approaches. Quite often all that is needed is for the parent to calm the situation themselves in order that the children will emulate the behaviour and approach the situation more calmly and respectfully.

 

May Allah give you the patience to deal with your children calmly. May He give you the strength to raise them on HIS path and may He reward your desire to do best for them.