Okay, here we go.
There are three types of single girls known to humankind:
- Single and happy
- Single and miserable
- Single and miserable but trying (or sometimes pretending) to be happy
Single and Miserable
“You don’t need a man to be happy!”
“How can you possibly feel lonely? You have a loving family and lots of friends!”
“Stop obsessing about marriage! Focus on yourself and your career!”
There’s probably always a loved one or two who tend to say words along these lines, which proves the unspoken theory that most people, especially coupled up ones (even if they were our own best friends) can be completely clueless, and sometimes totally useless, when it comes to understanding certain ‘singleness’ emotions.
If you’re already miserable, their advice can make you feel worse, and those condescending words can awaken ugly feelings you didn’t know you had!
There’s nothing wrong or unnatural about wishing to find the ‘one’ and yearning to start a family. I mean, come on, Prophet Adam was in Paradise! Like real-life actual HEAVEN where everything is perfectly perfect; there’s no sadness, poverty or pain, and you can eat everything you want and not gain weight! Except he still wasn’t happy…
He needed a companion. But did God give Prophet Adam a brother? A son? A soccer-buddy?
The first relationship ever created on this earth was a romantic one, between a man and woman. God gave him a wife; and she was his serenity and his home. You all know the verse right?
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought (Holy Qur’an, 30:21)
It turns out it’s only by opposites that things are truly defined: hot/cold, black/white, heaven/hell, high/low, right/wrong. You need a student to feel like a teacher. You must know sadness to appreciate a happy moment. Only a baby can make you feel like a mom and only a male can make you feel like a female. (Feminists, hold your horses! I’m only stating psychological facts here.)
We all need to have a companion to witness our lives; someone to love and make us feel loved and protected, someone to start a new family with. It’s how Allah created us, and it’s a beautiful basic need. Yearning to get married and have a child (or five!) does not make a woman lame, brainless or desperate, it makes her just that: a woman!
Single girls can have parents, friends, and a career, yet still feel hollow inside. Loneliness is the hardest feeling to admit. It’s toxic and cruel, and with it comes fear, loss of identity and depression. So I guess it’s time for the ‘well-wishers’ who try to soothe single women by telling them to ‘live their lives’ to come up with a new game plan!
Is Marriage The Ultimate Resolution?
“Wow look at all these raised hands! Yes, you in the back. Stand up please so everyone can see you.”
“I’m a married woman and I’m still miserable and lonely! You make it sound like ‘marriage’ is a magic wand or something. What about those of us who would rather feel lonely than feel suffocated in a loveless marriage?”
It’s true, sometimes you can feel lonely even when you’re never alone. Sometimes there’s more happiness and hope in being single than in being in a mentally or emotionally abusive relationship. There are countless married women out there wishing they could switch places with single girls, to regain their freedom or sanity or at least have a chance to heal.
(Okay, girls, help me out here! I’m kinda already stuck on the very first question!)
Would you happily just settle down, or would you never settle for anything less than happiness?
Who is better off; the miserable singles or the miserable married women?
We can argue about this all the way to Timbuktu and back, and still never reach a resolution. The only thing both groups seem to agree on is that the glass is half empty. But those who are happily single or happily married don’t live in La-La Land either. They have their lows and their problems, too. Some get the ‘lonely pangs’ and others sometimes watch their husbands yell curse words at the TV or snore louder than ten jackhammers, and quietly contemplate murdering them.
It’s not all fluffy and bubbly! The difference here is they see the cup half full. They choose to focus on the positive, the bigger picture, on what keeps them together instead of what tears them apart.
They choose to become survivors instead of victims.
It sounds sappy but it’s true.
It’s not really what you see, it’s how you see it.
There’s a special secret method of finding joy in any relationship status whether it’s single, married, divorced or ‘waiting for a miracle’. And since I’m a snitch today I will tell you all about it….
This way, please…
You see this beautiful joy-filled room with the amazing view, crystal vases, roses, satin sheets, scented candles and treasure boxes? Where you keep your beauty products, your precious jewelry, your cherished memories and all your favorite fun things? Imagine instead of accessing your own room whenever you please, you lock its door and give the key to someone else.
And every time you want to have fun, feel pretty, enjoy the view or even sleep comfortably, you must first go find that person who holds the key. But sometimes this person will be busy, asleep, too tired, too cranky or too angry to go fetch it. What will happen to you then?