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We Stopped Talking So That Our Future Marriage Is Blessed

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jan 09, 2019

Question

Assalamu Aleikom. I met this guy online and we discussed marriage and talked online for about a year. He was someone I trusted. He helped me with my anxiety and stress, was calm, quite religious, and was very into education, loved children and learning, etc.

He has all the qualities I would want in a husband. He brought me closer to Allah SWT as well; I did not wear a hijab when we met and I was not connected to Allah, but I’ve begun praying and slowly making a habit of wearing the hijab in public.

Anyway, I realized it was a haram relationship. We decided not to talk until 3-4 more years to make sure our marriage is blessed. We did not commit Zina but we did do some things online that we both agreed were disgusting and immoral and we should not have done them. We agreed that we need completely pure intentions for marriage and need to repent.

He said that he would remain loyal to me and will not seek out others and wants to focus on himself as well. We are not contacting each other at all since then. Is this permissible? Is this the right way we should go?

I want to marry him and I want us to have pure intentions and be forgiven and blessed by Allah SWT. I truly believe he is a great character and he is always reading articles and watching lectures about Islam. I care for him that I want our marriage to be blessed and halal.

Counselor

Answer


We Stopped Talking So That Our Future Marriage Is Blessed

In this counseling answer:

• It is always advisable in these situations to pray istikhara and ask Allah to guide you.

• Meet him and his family with you and yours so that you can get to know him properly in an acceptable way.

• Keep Allah close and He will surely guide you in the right direction and turn your heart away from this man if he is not right for you.


Wa Alaikum salaam wa Rahmatullah wa barakatuh,

It certainly does sound like you have found your ideal life partner. Yet, you also realize that your actions with him are not permissible and have done everything you can to make matters as core tabs you can regarding cutting contact and having pure intentions.

Regarding the fiqhi matters, you should seek some advice from someone of knowledge to find out if your plans are Islamically acceptable. For now, until you marry, neither of you are obliged to stay committed to your agreement. He is free to marry someone else, as are you.  You both have needs that can be fulfilled in marriage and cannot otherwise.

You may find waiting for a period of time you will face temptations and the only way to overcome this is to get married. Essentially, you need to be prepared that things may not go to your plan. Of it is this man you wish to be with and you dot want him to.marry another or for you to be tempted,  and someone of knowledge advises you that it is permissible for you to marry him,  then you do not have to wait and should move forward with it to avoid complications that will come of waiting.

It is always advisable in these situations to pray istikhara and ask Allah to guide you to what is best for you and most pleasing to Him. However, you must be aware that having had contact with this man already you have already established feelings towards him which will cloud your judgments more favorably. Therefore, it would also be wise to seek the advice of a loved one who will be able to advise you from a neutral standpoint.


Check out this counseling video:


If it turns out that you would like to take matters further, then ensure to do it in a good way from the start. Meet him and his family with you and yours so that you can get to know him properly in an acceptable way. You can do this by asking someone in your family to contact him or someone on his so that you do not need to talk with him directly.

Aside from this, keep Allah close and He will surely guide you in the right direction and turn your heart away from this man if he is not right for you. Being close to Allah will bring you contentment in whatever the final outcome is. It is also important to continue to repent to Allah for the sins you committed with this man and Allah loves to give. This will be a way to purify your heart from what had happened. Part of this repentance includes abstaining from committing the same sins again by cutting contact with this man, which alhamdulillah, is what you have been doing already.

May Allah guide you on the straight path and grant you a righteous spouse who will be the comfort of your eyes in this life and the next.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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