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Want to Get Married, but His Dad Refuses

26 December, 2016
Q I am 24 years old, and I am dating a guy whose parents want him to marry someone he doesn't love. Now, he is stressed as his father refused his decision. He asks me what to do because we love each other and he doesn't want to lose me. I also need him to be in my life. He keeps asking me what to do. I told him to pray hard to our Almighty Allah so that He can answer our prayer. Both of us are so stressful. Please help us!

Answer

Answer:

As-Salamu ‘Alaikum sister,

Marriage can become a stressful thing to approach when it lacks the support from at least one family member, especially when it is one of the parents. This is particularly difficult when the person marries someone else with certain expectations.

Ma sha’ Allah, you have taken the best first step in overcoming this difficulty by praying hard to Allah (swt). Once you make this prayer, it is then important that you remain strong in your conviction that Allah (swt) will answer your prayers. If you are firm in your conviction that Allah (swt) knows best, then He (swt) will answer your prayer in the best way when the time is right. Remember that Allah (swt) may take His time in answering your call, but there is Divine Wisdom behind this.

Whilst in such a situation you may get even more stressed, find comfort in the fact that He (swt) has the best reason behind it. If this man is not good for you, then Allah (swt) will make a way for you to be apart and find other spouses and you can be content in the knowledge that this is what is best for you. Likewise, if Allah (swt) says that this man is for you, then He (swt) will make a way for this to happen, too.

However, you need to make an effort to move this decision forward. If you just sit back and wait for his father to accept a marriage between the two of you, or wait for another man to come your way, then you could be waiting a long time. If you wish to move forward with a marriage to this man, firstly repent to Allah (swt) for any haram contact you may have with each other, i.e. any contact that you might have had with each other without a mahram present. This can only open the door for Shaytan to open as you develop feelings that commonly develop when a man and woman spend time alone together.

Additionally, you might ask him to talk to his father about why he does not wish for you two to get married and have him let his father know that you both want to marry each other. Perhaps, his father is unaware of this and this is why he has tried to pursue marriage to someone else.

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If he might find this difficult, he might consider getting the support of someone else in his family. Go together with this support to meet his farther so that he knows he is serious about this marriage and that he has the support of others in the family.

You might also consider asking your own family to organise a meeting with his family. This way, the two families can get together and talk in more depth about the marriage. His father will have the chance to get to know your family more and, therefore, might be more inclined to accept a marriage between you.

Amongst all this, like you said, it is very stressful for you right now, so remember to take care of yourself also. Ensure you eat well and exercise regularly. Keep busy with a hobby, take time to relax away from the stresses of your current situation with a chance to do something that makes you happy. This will also put the best mindset in you to manage the stresses you have been facing.

Keep in mind that with difficulties come ease, if only you are patient. Taking care of yourself and remaining firm in your acts of worships will assist in bringing you ease. Aside from these things you might try, continue to remain strong in your prayer and all acts of ibaadah, and, in sha’ Allah, you will be content with whatever outcome Allah (swt) has for you.

May Allah (swt) bring you ease in your difficulties and grant you a spouse that will bring happiness and contentment into your life.

Salam,

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About Hannah Morris
Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)