Answer
Answer:
As Salamu ‘Alaykum sister,
Thank you for writing to us. I am so sorry to hear that the person you love the most left you to be engaged to another girl. I can imagine this hurts to the core of your heart. While I do not know the details of your “relationship” or your interactions, I am sure that you know a relationship with a boy is haram in Islam. Your hurting heart is one example of why it is!
As you became emotionally involved with him, it hurt you when he just “up and left”. That was a terrible thing to do on his part and he should be held accountable for that. But if you never got close to him, you would have not gotten hurt.
I am not blaming you, my dear sister. In fact, I am very tired of hearing about boys who do these kinds of things and yet are left off the hook and the blame is only on the girl. This is not right. However, my dear sister, what is done is done and you must go on with your life. Please ask Allah (swt) for forgiveness if you have done anything haram with this boy and make du’aa’ that Allah (swt) removes the pain and thoughts of him. As we are all human, we tend to slip up. But Allah (swt) is Most Merciful and loving, sister. He (swt) loves to forgive.
Looking back, you can see the wisdom in not forming relationships prior to marriage. A lot of boys sadly engage in relationships as a way of satisfying their desires for affirmation as young men (as some girls do too). However, a lot of these boys who do this more than likely do not marry the chosen one of their affections, but will often leave the girl and marry another whom is new to them and/or one whom the family has chosen. Muslim families often insist that the child marry the one whom they picked out. This is not always right either as two people have the right to marry whom they chose. They should get to know one another in a halal way as well as get to know each other’s families.
With that said, please do take your time in healing, sister. Be good to yourself; do things that are positive and uplifting, and draw closer to Allah (swt). I know this hurt, but maybe it was a wake-up call for you to examine what it is that you really want in a future husband.
Do you want a husband who dates girls or has relationships? Or do you want one who is careful about his behavior, respects his future wife and seeks to follow Allah’s (swt) commands in regards to honor and kindness? Surely, the boy you had a relationship with was not protecting you nor did he honor you by having a relationship with you and leaving you. You deserve better than that!
So, please dear sister, look at this as a way to draw closer to Allah (swt), to fine tune your faith and to explore what kind of future husband you want. You will get over the hurt, in sha’ Allah. It will be replaced by increased wisdom, a stronger relationship with Allah (swt), and a clearer vision of what “love” is and isn’t.
We wish you the best sister. You are in our prayers.
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