As-Salaam ‘Aleikom sister,
Thank you for writing to us. I will try my best to advise you, in sha’ Allah.
First of all, you are very young and should not worry too much about finding the right match. Every girl has a dream to marry a perfect man. I understand that you may look for the perfect prince charming, but there is no such thing as perfect, so it is important to be realistic when you are looking for a life partner.
To feel attracted to the person you want to spend the rest of your life with is quite important. There is no point settling down with someone who does not appeal to you at all. However, you should give this man a chance by looking at other qualities he might have.
There are a few qualities that should be present in the man you accept to be your husband and the father of your children.
He should be Muslim, one who sincerely practices Islam in his daily life.
Allah (swt) says in the Quran,
“…And verily, a believing slave is better, than a (free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you” (2:221)
As well as being religiously committed, it is preferable that he comes from a good family, is trustworthy, and treats other women well. Your parents could ask people who mix with him and his family. This way you will get an idea about how he and his family are. Meanwhile, you should turn to Allah (swt) and pray to Him to make it easy for you and help you to make a good choice and to grant you wisdom. When you decided that you want to accept his proposal, you should pray al-Istikhaarah and then put your trust in Allah (swt).
Do not worry too much as it will only make it harder for you to make a rational decision. Find out more about his family and him. I suggest that you do not reject his proposal for the wrong reasons.
Choose character over chemistry
The idea of falling “in love” should never be the main reason for marrying someone. Humanity, kindness, responsibility, and happiness are character traits to look for when you are choosing a life partner. A humble person never demands of other people, are slow to anger, are modest, and don’t fall into the trap of materialism. The kind person is a giver; he seeks to please and minimize the pain of others. To find out whether this guy is a giver, you can see how he treats his family and others.
A responsible person is financially stable and has a good work-life balance. A happy person feels good about himself and about his life in general and focuses on what he has rather than what he doesn’t. These are just a few things you can look at when you are choosing a husband. Your husband is going to be there with you in every step of your life, so his character is what you should be looking at, first and foremost.
It is your decision to make, so think properly through before you make the final decision. I would suggest that you also speak to your mother or siblings seeking their advice. It is good to know what other people have to say.
Do not feel pressurized by the society to marry him. You are still very young. If you do not feel that he is the right one, it is better to be alone (only for a while, in sha’ Allah) than to be married to someone you are unhappy with. Remember, you cannot make someone else happy if you are not happy yourself. Pray to Allah (swt) a lot, ask Him to bring you that man into your life soon you feel comfortable with.
I wish for you the best. May Allah (swt) guide you and make it easy for you.
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