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My Parents Want a Rich Groom

09 April, 2017
Q As-Salamu Alaikom. I am in a difficult situation and I need help. I was in a relationship with a guy for a while. He was not settled yet, thus we planned to marry after he finds a good job. Finally, he found one and I talked to my parents about him. They agreed to meet him. But after my sister got married, everything went bad. My parents asked a person to check the status of the guy’s family, and my parents are not satisfied with the result. They are looking for a guy who is rich and educated. I don’t know what to do. I don't want to hurt anybody.

Answer

Answer:

Wa ‘Alaikum Salaam wa Rahmatulahi wa Barakatuh sister,

This, indeed, sounds like a difficult situation: you found a man you would like to marry, yet your family does not support your decision due to what they found out about his background after meeting him. This leaves you in a situation where you feel that whatever choice you make you will hurt someone. Whilst you could go ahead and marry him without their blessings, it certainly would make things difficult.

There are some things you should consider when making your decision. Firstly, you were engaged in a relationship with this man outside of marriage which is not acceptable in Islam. Therefore, you should begin by turning to Allah (swt) in repentance for this. This is what now places you in a difficult situation: you now have strong feelings for him and, therefore, run the risk of hurting his feelings (and your own) should you not pursue this marriage. However, given that the relationship was built in a haram way, there is also a risk of hurt further down the line.

That said, the past is done now and there is nothing you can do to change that, except learn a lesson and avoid anything as much as possible that will lead to haram. If you choose to go ahead with the marriage, then it would be ideal if your family were happy with this too. In this case, you could remind your family that the most important quality in a man is not that of finances or education, but his state of faith and his character. Let them see that these are traits he does possess and will be better for a healthy, loving marriage than that of money and education, and that is what will make you happy. It may be that you organize another meeting with his family present and ask them to keep these more important factors in mind. If they still don’t accept him and wish you to marry someone else and you agree, then know that there are many other good men out there.

If they still don’t change their mind and you still feel like you want to marry him, and you still fear to hurt someone should you chose to go ahead with it, then you need to sit down and think about your options carefully before making the next move. It may be that you get a pen and paper to be clearer and be able to visually see your options and their pros and cons. Write your options down and write the pros and cons of each. Then, keeping in mind what is most important to you and what Allah (swt) would be most pleased with, use this to decide which would be the best option to take.

Most importantly, amongst all this, make istikhara and ask Allah (swt) to guide you to make the best choice. This way, Allah (swt) will either make it easy for this marriage to happen or will make it easy for you to abandon the idea. You can be content that whatever happens will be the best for you and the most pleasing to Allah (swt).

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May Allah (swt) guide you through this difficult choice and grant you a spouse that will bring you happiness and contentment in this life and the next.

Salam,

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