As Salaam ‘Aleikom,
Thank you for your question. I will try to advise you the best I can, In sha’ Allah.
I am sorry to hear about your sisters’ situation. She has been rejected so many times now that she thinks all men are the same.
The problem with some cultures is that they set up their own rules and requirements for marriage such as dowry and gold given by the wife. This is completely wrong. In Islam, the dowry is one of the rights of the wife which is hers to take in total. It is mentioned in the Qur’an,
“And give to the women (whom you marry) their mahr (obligatory bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart…” (4:4)
However, some people, unfortunately, practice culture and traditions more than Islam and it can be difficult to find people who don’t do that in some areas in India. Have you tried looking for men for her in some other areas than your own? I am sure there must be some families who don’t follow this completely unIslamic practice.
If your sister was rejected by the proposals because of the lack of dowry and gold, then they were not good people to start with. It is good that she didn’t marry any of them as they only seem to put value into materialistic things more than the girl herself.
Becoming a dentist by profession is not an easy education to achieve. You should tell your sister that she has completed a degree that required a lot of hard work and that she has not failed in her profession at all.
It is normal to feel useless and not worthy when you go through anxiety. It sounds like your sister is going through anxiety and depression. But do not force her to talk to a counselor or psychologist if she does not want to. This will not help her. She needs to feel confident about herself again.
Many Asian girls feel a lack of confident and self-worth when they get rejected. They need a lot of encouragement to feel good about themselves again. What I would suggest in this case is to be there for her and speak to her about her feelings and thoughts. Try to not leave her alone as loneliness and tension are bad combinations. She will need to be with someone who can give her positive energy.
Show her how beautiful the life is and how many things she is blessed with, so she does not have suicidal thoughts again.
Do not talk about marriage with her for a while until she feels better. She has been rejected and it takes time to get over it. All you need to do is to support her and do things with her that she enjoys doing, so she can take her mind off about marriage for some time. Try praying together or listen to Islamic lectures so she feels a stronger bond to Islam and forgets about her worries. Praying is a good “medicine”; it gives peace to the soul.
Before your parents look for a partner for her, they should focus on her mental health first. What you are describing here doesn’t sound good. She needs to be in the right state of mind to function properly. To help her do that you all need to stop talking about marriage and proposals for a while until she feels ok.
May Allah (swt) make it easy for your sister and make your family happy.
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