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He Proposed to Me Then Blocked Me

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Mar 12, 2019

Question

Assalamu Alaikum. I liked a guy. He liked me too. We were in contact with each other. He said that he wanted to marry me soon. I wanted the same.

After that, he said he would come to our house with his family to propose to me. I agreed and informed my parents. Even they agreed to the meeting.

However, after a few days, he started ignoring me without saying anything. He blocked me on all social media. I don't know what's wrong with me. He was so good to me and said so many things, but suddenly he has changed.

I am not able to tolerate him ignoring me. I keep on thinking about him each and every second. He said that he was facing some personal issues and blocked me. I want him back in my life! Please, advise me, what should I do to be with him?

Counselor

Answer


He Proposed to Me Then Blocked Me

In this counseling answer:

• He’s going through difficulties right now, so give him the space that he needs and wants to tackle these problems.

• Whilst he is taking his time, you can also use this time to take care of yourself too. When you get married, there will be a lot of changes in your life, so use this time to enjoy some time to yourself.

• If you give him the time to tackle the difficulties he is going through, then he will be in a much better frame of mind to enter a marriage with you with full attention without being distracted by his present troubles.


Wa Alaikum salaam wa Rahmatullah wa barakatuh sister,

It must feel very disappointing to have gotten so close to marriage only for things to have come to a complete stop. Now he has blocked you and said he had personal issues to deal with.

The good thing is, he has actually told you this. He didn’t just block you out without reason. You said he has treated you well, so there seems to be no reason for concern.

karim serageldin & naaila clay

Understand that everyone deals with difficulties in different ways. It seems his way is to block everything out and take time to himself. Some people like to share their problems with others and others prefer to contemplate things alone. It would seem your future spouse is of the latter. This is not a bad thing. It is not something for you to feel upset or disheartened by.

He has made his situation clear and you should respect that he informed you of the situation. He’s going through difficulties right now, so give him the space that he needs and wants to tackle these problems.


Check out this counseling video:


If you get in his space, then it will only make things more difficult for him and will only lengthen the amount of time he needs to improve his situation.

The fact that he informed you of his movements without completely blocking you with no explanation is respectable and is a good indication of his nature and his resection attitude towards you. It also shows that he doesn’t want to make your life difficult by dragging you into difficulties with him.

Whilst he is taking his time, you can also use this time to take care of yourself too. When you get married, there will be a lot of changes in your life, so use this time to enjoy some time to yourself. Focus on yourself before your life becomes one with another; your spouse. This will also ease your worries at this time when you feel distressed.

Give him sufficient time to sort things out for himself before approaching him again. If you need to approach him again, make sure to do so gently. Let him know your concern and that you are just checking in on him to see if he is ok.

If you give him the time to tackle the difficulties he is going through, then he will be in a much better frame of mind to enter a marriage with you with full attention without being distracted by his present troubles. You could even check in on his status via a family member without even having to directly have any interaction with him.

May Allah bring him ease and may He grant you a righteous spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.

Amen,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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