Answer
In this counseling answer:
“Whilst forced marriage is unacceptable in Islam, she is still legally married and, therefore, currently impermissible for you. Even if she can divorce, you will then need to wait the period of ‘iddah before you can ask for her hand in marriage.”
Wa ‘Alaikum Salaam wa Rahmatulahi wa Barakatuh dear brother,
This is a very difficult situation to be in. It is understandable that you feel distressed when family matters are preventing you from marrying the lady you like. It’s especially difficult because she accepted your proposal but has since been forced into a marriage that makes her unhappy.
Whilst it is a part of many cultural traditions to marry from within their side of the family, we should understand that this is not something Islam enforces.
“O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion. And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them – perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.” (Qur’an, 4:19)
It is evident here that a forced marriage causes the lady serious distress. It also shows that the family is aware of her feelings towards you if they turned to you to try settling her in this time of distress. Whilst forced marriage is unacceptable in Islam, she is still legally married and, therefore, currently impermissible for you. Even if she can divorce, you will then need to wait the period of ‘iddah before you can ask for her hand in marriage.
However, if you proceed like this, the fact that her family doesn’t support the marriage would make the situation very difficult which might cause difficulties in her relationships with her family. It might be advisable first to continue talking with the family, especially given the way she has been unjustly forced into a marriage. The fact that they have come forward and asked for your assistance might open the doors for discussion on the matter.
“O you who have believed, be persistently standing firm in justice, witnesses for Allah , even if it be against yourselves or parents and relatives. Whether one is rich or poor, Allah is more worthy of both. So follow not [personal] inclination, lest you not be just. And if you distort [your testimony] or refuse [to give it], then indeed Allah is ever, with what you do, Acquainted.” (Qur’an, 4:135)
As she is married now, she is not permissible to you. As much as you would like to talk to her, this could make the situation even more difficult. But this is a point you could raise with her family in order to move forward with the matter.
Whilst presently there is little you can do with the lady herself, you might either talk with her family more, choose to wait a while in case she is able to get the divorce, or else seek marriage elsewhere for the purpose of protecting yourself from committing sin.
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If you chose to discuss the matter with her family, perhaps you might approach them with a friend or family member to make the situation more comfortable for you.
If you chose to give the lady time in case she is successful in pursuing a divorce, then just be aware of the dangers of committing sin with her. Be sure to keep yourself protected by lowering your gaze and avoiding free mixing.
As heartbreaking as it might be, if the lady does not divorce her current husband, then, unfortunately, you will not be able to pursue a marriage to her. You might feel like you need some time to recover from everything you have been through. So, take care of yourself and try to keep active physically, socially, and spiritually to maintain your well-being.
Stay firm in Islam; continue to pray all your obligatory prayers (and voluntary as much as you can), engage in dhikr, make du’aa’, and read the Qur’an. Keep a strong relationship with Allah. It will make it a lot easier for you to move forward with whatever decision you chose to make. In addition, you will feel more happy to accept Allah’s Will, whether that is with this lady or with someone else.
May Allah make it easy for you to progress with this issue and bring you comfort in these times of distress. May He grant you a wife that will bring you much happiness, and that you will grow together in faith.
Salam,
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