Answer
Answer:
Wa ‘Alaykum As-Salam dear sister,
Thank you for your question. When it comes to marriage, here are some things to consider. When a woman selects a husband in Islam, the Prophet told us:
“If someone whose character and religion please you comes to you (with a proposal), you should marry him (to your single women). If you do not do so, there will be tribulations in the land and great corruption.” (Tirmidhi)
Therefore, first of all, there is great emphasis on the religion and character of the potential husband.
When it comes to finances, Allah says in the Quran:
“And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing.” [24:32]
In this verse, Allah is promising that He will provide financially for those who seek marriage. Having said that, it is important to remember the Prophet’s hadith:
“All of you are custodians and will be asked about your charges. The Imam is a custodian and will be asked about his charges. The man is a custodian of his family, and he will be asked about his charges. The woman is a custodian of her husband’s house, and she will be asked about her charges…” (Bukhari)
Therefore, the potential husband needs to do his part in securing himself financially in order to provide a good life for his wife and his future children in sha’ Allah, if Allah chooses to grant them children.
So, in this case, does he have a part-time job or support from family? Do you have similar socio-economic backgrounds? It’s important to consider. If you are used to a certain lifestyle, will you be able to adjust your expectations while your husband builds himself financially, although Islamically speaking, this is not obligatory for you?
Generally, here are four steps you can follow when considering marriage and approaching your parents. Keep in mind that the best way to approach your parents is to be honest with them while respecting their opinion. Also, please feel free to visit www.findingloveandmercy.com, or read Dr. Ikram and Rida Beshir’s books on marriage.
Educate Yourself
- Learn about the etiquette of seeking a spouse, what is permissible to do and what is impermissible.
- Research what type of meaningful questions to ask.
- Learn about your responsibilities and rights over each other (as husband/wife).
- Find out the Sunnah acts of marriage and romance (there are beautiful examples from the Seerah).
- Pay the Islamic bookshop a visit for reading material on this chapter in life.
Decide On Desired Characteristics
- Make a list of characteristics you want your spouse to have; keep in mind that you are not perfect and cannot expect your spouse to be. For men, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said that his character and religion are most important.
- Recognize traits or values that he/she must have and also areas that you are willing to compromise; no one is perfect!
- Review this list and make sure it is realistic and reflect on your own self; what qualities do you have to offer?
Consider a Potential Spouse
- Consult trusted friends, family, or the local mosque for help.
- Hold meetings in the presence of a wali (guardian).
- Ensure that you or your family speaks to this prospective partner’s close friends and family to gain a complete and truthful insight into the person.
- Reflect upon his/her character traits, values, expectations, goals/dreams, and your compatibility in this respect.
Pray Istikharah (The Guidance Prayer)
- Pray Istikharah for counsel and guidance, and make du’aa’.
- Consult family and friends, and take good advice.
- Seek your parents’ approval and blessing; a really important factor to ensure they agree with your decision.
Finally, having come this long way, place your trust in Allah when you have made your decision and in sha’ Allah, it will be a fruitful decision. Remember, if Allah does not will it for you, in sha’ Allah, He will have something better as we are told in the Quran:
“Whoever fears Allah, Allah will find a way out for him (from every difficulty) and He will provide for him from sources that he could never have imagined.” [Quran 65:2-3]
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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
