In this counseling answer:

“I would advise you to make lots of istikhara and ask Allah to guide you to make the best decision in moving forward that will be best for you and this girl and most pleasing to Him. During this time, think about the potential good and bad points about marrying this girl and the potential consequences of taking either option. Whilst doing this, also keep in mind what the most important things are to you.”

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,

Firstly, I just want to be clear that I am not a sheikh, but as a counselor, I can answer your query from a psychological perspective based in how this situation is causing you such distress. I would, therefore, urge you to ask a sheikh also regarding the Islamic rulings on your situation.

Entering into a marriage, whilst encouraged in Islam due to its many benefits and protections, is a very blessed thing, but also comes with many challenges also. Marriage often requires compromise and getting used to quite a different way of life that can be quite different to what you have been used to as you suddenly have a new role and responsibility assigned to you and will be accountable to Allah for how you chose to fulfill this role.

Entering into a marriage that does not have the support of both families can present with many difficulties and places added pressure on the relationship. This is not to say that it not possible to successfully move forward with such a marriage because it is and in fact, in some cases, the marriage can be even stronger due to the strength built as a result of facing such adversities together. As long as both spouses are prepared to work through these difficulties together then it is entirely possible for such a marriage to work successfully.

At this point, I would advise you to make lots of istikhara and ask Allah to guide you to make the best decision in moving forward that will be best for you and this girl and most pleasing to Him. During this time, think about the potential good and bad points about marrying this girl and the potential consequences of taking either option. Whilst doing this, also keep in mind what the most important things are to you.

Obviously, it is important to keep your parents happy (as long as they are not encouraging you to do something that goes against Islamic principles) and it’s important to respect their opinions, but at the same time marriage is also encouraged and very important in Islam also. When considering your options think about how pleasing each option will be to Allah also. Sometimes even writing these things down can make things much clearer as you see a visual representation of what you are thinking about. You can also add things to the list as you think about them.

It is a very important decision to make so be sure to give it plenty of thought and not rush into anything. As I said to use this time to seek plenty of guidance from Allah.

In the meantime, I would advise you to withdraw contact with this girl, certainly just the 2 of you at least, to avoid any interference from Shaytan. Such interactions can only make feelings between you stronger which may hold a heavy influence on your decision in a way that is tainted by these feelings rather than what is truly best for you both.

May Allah guide you to the best decision; one that will be pleasing to both you and Him. May He grant you a righteous spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/want-to-get-married/parents-dont-let-marry/

https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/want-to-get-married/not-willing-to-marry-me-but-i-love-him-so-much/