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Muslim Boyfriend’s Family Rejects Me When I’m Pregnant

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Nov 08, 2017

Question

Assalamu Alaykum. I have this question and it is based on my personal experience. I'm a Christian woman having a relationship with an Islam. I admit that we committed Zina several times. I, being A Christian don't know much about this. Also him, who is not very religious after all also don't know about this sin. Right now, I'm pregnant for five (5) months already. When I told his parents about my situation, I got nothing even a small response. Then after a few days, he said that his parents don't want us to meet. His family wants us to separate and don't see each other anymore, they didn't even bother to talk to me and my family about this situation, knowing that it is Haram in Islam. I just want to ask, why are they doing such things? I don't understand why they want to separate me from their son even after knowing that I'm carrying their own blood and flesh. What can I do about this? Hoping for your response. Sukran.

Counselor

Answer


Muslim Boyfriend's Family Rejects Me When I’m Pregnant

In this counseling answer:

“I would kindly suggest that both you and this man have a talk about what you both will do once this child is born. If he is unwilling to take responsibility, I would get a court order to mandate him to take care of his child. If there are feelings between the two of you, get married and in sha’ Allah seek God’s forgiveness and start following/practicing your religion.”


As-Salamu ‘Alaykum sister,

Thank you for writing to us. I am sorry to hear about what you are going through with this man and his parents. As I understand, you were in a relationship with a Muslim man and got pregnant. It appears that he is not following Islam and you are not following Christianity, for in both religions there is to be no sex before marriage. As you are 5 months pregnant already, you will be having the baby soon.

What has he said as to his responsibility towards you and the baby? Were the two of you in love? Did you have plans for the future? If so, I would encourage you to talk to him about these plans. If he is open and you both still have feelings for each other, you could get married.

At his age (and yours), parents really should not be a demanding force in their children’s lives. They are to be in the role of a friend. However, in many cultures, there are values and traditional norms that take precedence over and intermingle with Islam (and Christianity). This is not good and causes much harm. The harm of these cultural expectations right now is that a beautiful baby is about to be born and the grandparents are rejecting all contact.

This man, the father of your child, is a grown man, capable of making his own choices but depending on his cultural norms, he may not be used to doing so at this point.

Sister, I would kindly suggest that both you and this man have a talk about what you both will do once this child is born. If he is unwilling to take responsibility, I would get a court order to mandate him to take care of his child. If there are feelings between the two of you, get married and in sha’ Allah seek God’s forgiveness and start following/practicing your religion. If you chose to revert to Islam because you feel it sincerely to be the truth, then alhumdulilah. If not, Muslim men are permitted to marry practicing Christians. However, as neither of you is practicing at this point, it is something to think about, especially as you will be bringing a beautiful baby into the world.

Sister, if he does not step up, please do move on. Your life and your baby’s life are too precious to waste on a man who cannot stand up for what is right.  Allah will take care of you and your child. Depend on God, sister. He does set things right.

Also, please know this is not Islam. If you have ever read Qur’an, you know this is not what Islam teaches. In fact, it’s despised by Allah. The way his family acts is indeed haram as well. Just as in Christianity, we look to the teachings not to the people as people fall short, but Allah never does.

You are in our prayers, dear.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

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