Answer
In this counseling answer:
“I personally think that the individual who you had been seeing for quite while never considered you to be “the one”. If he had, he would have mentioned it to you. Therefore, ask Allah (swt) to help you forget this brother. You should trust Allah (swt) and leave all your affairs to Him. He will send the right person at the right time with ease, in sha’ Allah.
As-Salamu ‘Alaikum dear sister,
Indeed, it is very hard to go through such circumstances. However, I personally think that the individual who you had been seeing for quite while never considered you to be “the one”. If he had, he would have mentioned it to you. I believe that the feelings you had for him did not reciprocate and you are facing the consequences.
I may sound harsh, but this is exactly why Allah (swt) forbade us to freely interact with the opposite gender. In many cases, although a man and a woman may only consider each other to be simply “friends”, the “friendship” certainly turns into something greater and more often than not leaves someone feeling disheartened or heart broken.
He did not consider it important telling you about the fact that he got married when he went overseas because he merely considered you a “friend”. He considered his marriage personal and did not think it was important to tell you about it. He simply did not share the similar feelings.
In my opinion, you need to tell yourself that this individual was never meant to be your husband. Because, as you know, Allah (swt) has already written down in our destiny the name of the individual we are to marry. You need to tell yourself that this was simply mixed emotions or even infatuation. You were impressed by him because he showed interest in your religious knowledge, not you, as you have mentioned yourself.
Allah (swt) says in the Quran,
“And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah – then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent.” (65:3)
If it had been written for you that you would marry this individual you would have married him. However, according to Allah’s plan, it seems marriage with him was not good for you. Allah (swt) will definitely give you what is right for you when the right time comes, in sha’ Allah.
Allah (swt) says in the Quran,
But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. (2:216)
Although you had your heart set on him and even prayed to get married to him, Allah (swt) did not consider it to be of benefit to you. Perhaps Allah (swt) has planned something better for you. You need to trust in His timing.
As for interaction with this individual, I suggest that you keep a distance from him given that he is now a married man. This will be beneficial for both you and him. It may be that if you continue to see him and freely interact with him, you may never forget the feelings you once had for him. This will make it harder for you to consider anyone else in the near future as your heart will be set on this individual.
You should also consider that when you will get married, you will probably not like to have your husband freely interact and text another woman outside of professional boundaries. In fact, if he still continues to freely interact with you and text you outside of professional boundaries, you must remind him of the right thing to do.
Therefore, you should ask Allah (swt) to help you forget this brother. You should continue to expand your religion knowledge and keep yourself busy such that you are constantly reminded of the past. You should trust Allah (swt) and leave all your affairs to Him and He will send the right person at the right time with ease, in sha’ Allah.
Salam,
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