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Girlfriend After Girlfriend: Will Allah Forgive Me?

Questioner

R

Reply Date

Aug 28, 2017

Question

Salam Aleikom. I was in love with a girl few years ago. As we were planning to get married, we got very close to each other, emotionally and physically as well. We never engaged in sex but did everything else. Unfortunately, due to her parents’ refusal, she finally got married to another guy. I was totally sad for few months, but later I met another girl. She didn’t know about my previous relationship. We started loving each other. Both of us were sure that we would not be able to get married due to our families. Therefore, we both decided to share our feelings and love toward each other until she gets married to another guy. Everything happened just like with my previous girlfriend; she got married and is living with her husband now. Then I was involved in three other relationships, and exactly the same happened with all three girls: we loved each other but could not get married, therefore finally she married another man. I felt so bad committing the same mistake over and over and asked Allah for forgiveness. Now, I'm in love with another girl who is a good Muslimah, and I am planning to marry her soon. Will Allah forgive me for my previous mistakes? I'm sure that I'll never commit such a mistake again in sha’ Allah. I'm seriously planning to marry this girl who doesn’t know about my previous relations and mistakes. How can I tell her? I am unable to talk to her about these.

Counselor

Answer


Girlfriend After Girlfriend: Will Allah Forgive Me?

In this counseling answer:

I advise you to marry this current girl whom you are serious about and get involved in something. Pick up an activity, a higher degree and look for a job. Get busy.


Wa ‘Aleikom Salam,

We often remember that Allah is Al Raheem (The Most Merciful). With this belief, we dwell into committing never-ending sins. Allah did not create mankind for this purpose. Brother, life is certainly not about having affairs, regretting, and committing the same sin again. You are 23, mature and young enough to assess things. When you know having a physical relationship without nikkah (lawful connection) is haram, it is a sin to commit it. Verily, Allah is All-Forgiving. But at the same time, He will punish for the wrong doing. It is time to make things fine. What has been done cannot be reversed. I advise you to marry this current girl whom you are serious about and get involved in something. Pick up an activity, a higher degree and look for a job. Get busy.

Marriage will certainly satisfy your physical needs in a permissible manner. But before you take a step, you must re-consider the whole situation. Are you ready for marriage? How certain are you that you will not end your marriage for another girl? Brother, marriage is not similar to the previous relationships you had. Therefore, you cannot easily exit because you had a small problem.

When it comes to telling this new girl about your past, think again. If you tell her, will she be ready to marry you? If you don’t, what if she finds it out from someone else? Seek forgiveness from Allah. Then pray istikharah whether to tell this girl about your past or not. If you feel that is the right thing to do, talk to this girl and mention that you had relationships in the past, but assure her that you have sincerely repented to Allah and you truly love her. Show her your sincerity and make her realize that it is all serious. If you continue with this for some time, even you will get a chance to scrutinize the situation and then take a final decision, because this time you are talking about marriage.

Seek forgiveness from the Lord and replace your bad deeds with good ones. I advise you to involve yourself in regular prayers and formulate small, achievable daily acts of kindness. For instance, maybe you can feed a poor for a week, or maybe you can volunteer for an orphanage. These acts will definitely help you grow and look at the realities of life. In this way, you will come closer to the blessings of Allah and experience will teach you how life is not about playing around with women, but respecting them and performing virtuous acts. Trust Allah because He will help you in your drive to change and become a better person, in sha’ Allah.

Salam,

***

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About Atika Ali Hussein

Atika Ali Hussain received her BA in Social Sciences from Shaheed Zulfikar Ali Bhutto Institute of Science and Technology (SZABIST) and has 3 gold medals in Psychology. She has been working as freelance writer for 6 years for WriterBay and volunteering in an orphanage. You can contact her on her blog: www.lifelogpkblog.wordpress.com

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